Blogging About Blogging

Whenever I head to aol.com to check my email (or many times in my case, thousands of messages to increase penis size...no comments, please), there's always some pretty interesting story popping up at the top of the site. Whether it's some top 10 list or story about home prices dropping (I think my place went from being a small fortune to being worth about a 6-pack of Nattie Light), I always feel the need to click and check out all the "important" news items out there.





This morning, there was this story about Jessica Cutler. Cutler was a staff assistant in Washington, who made her sexual exploits with various Capitol Hill powerbrokers public on her blogs. Now, the case is going to court.





It's absurd this is even considered as a case. She kept the names out her blog and has the right to write or speak as she pleases. Robert Steinbuch, one of several men with whom she played "Hide the Bacon", found the wrong woman to trust and is paying the price. Too bad.





Nice job by Jason Taylor. The guy is right on here. There should be a rule in the NFL to prevent someone from winning such an award after a failed drug test. As a pro athlete you should know EVERYTHING that goes into your system. No "I didn't know what the ingredients were" excuses anymore.





And the same should apply for holding a high office in this country. Use drugs, no presidency. Sounds like a good idea. I'm sure about 2,800 families of soldiers who lost their lives in Iraq would have had a much happier holiday season.

With the passing of Gerald Ford, I remember back to this skit from Sat. Night Live and one of my all-time heroes....Dana Carvey....doing a little Brokaw. Enjoy Robert Smigel, the creator of Triumph, the Comic Insult Dog and numerous other hilarious bits, with the background voiceover. Thanks to Frey for finding this.

Cheer up Caroll Gymnastics....3 more months till the cruise!

Greatest Moments of the Year

The year is coming to a close and overall, it was a joyous year...ranking somewhere near the top middle probably between 1983 when I received my first He-Man figure and 1984 (something about the Summer Olympics in the U.S. got me excited that year....maybe the whole George Orwell theme thing put that near the top of the list). As I sit home with a cold that has me stuck in bed, what better way to recap the year than the top things that happened to me in 2006 (like any of you really care):

Here are my top moments of 2006.

10. Angles at Yankees, August 14th.
I headed into the city with Joe Pendleton to catch this game. This one started off on a downnote with our train out of Metropark over an hour late. As we comtemplated just heading back to a bar or my place to watch the game, the train showed up and we were on our way. One of the thoughts that came through our minds was the family of four standing next to us who probably were throwing down about $200 on tickets, transporation, food, etc. Lunacy for a baseball game. Thank God for free tickets. We met up with Jorg and another cat at the game. The much maligned ARod got a sac fly to push the Yanks ahead 3-2 and help Randy Johnson win his 13th by a 7-2 final. The Big Unit also fanned Tim Salmon for his 4,500th K of his career. Was it the game that was exciting or watching Tim Salmon's final appearance at Yankee Stadium that did it for me? Maybe it was the 13 Coke lids I was able to accumulate towards my current total of 1,775 points.

9. Carino Memorial Day Shindig, May 28th.

I've been to Memorial Day parties before. It's the run-of-the-mill sit outside and drink type of deal. This party went beyond that. There was a good showing from the journalist crowd including the Sandman and that always makes it enjoyable. However, I don't think I have ever seen a certain Italian journalist as intoxicated as I did at his own party. Looking at his Dontrelle Willis-like state, I think the man would have cleaned out liquor stores in some small European countries. The highlight came when he was spotted urinating on his OWN lawn. I don't think it was a good idea to take a child's toy and jam his arse with it around 8 bells. He proceded to chase me around the yard for about 20 minutes. About 10 years and 90 lbs again, he would have had me...easily. But I was able to elude him and depart with 9 coke lids and my spleen intact.

8. Dr. Nazz's Bachelor Party in Vegas, June 22-24.
A trip to Vegas HAS to be in the top 5, right? I had a great time, but the only thing that's keeping it out of the elite moments was the fact I had to depart early and miss the REAL "festivities." Some highlights: running into boxer Winky Wright in the Mandalay Bay and Alan Thicke in the rumjungle night club and doing shtick in a cabana outside the pool at the Mandalay Bay.

7. Lifer/Staff Softball Game, July 14th.
The first of hopefully many softball games between the more and less experienced staff members at my summer camp was a resounding success. Between the pre-game build up to the jerseys created by Eric Program and associates, this was going to be a game for the ages (or in many of our cases, the aged).

The game was under the lights in Somerville and only the forecast of rain would be the only downside to one of the greatest nights in my softball life (then again, how many times have I played night softball in my life.....1? 2?). With the bases loaded, I stepped up and lined a shot to right field that rolled past the rightfielder. I was able to leg it out to a triple and eliminate past ghosts of Little League. Those were the days when I would try and crouch as low as I could to get a base on balls. I don't look at it as being fearful of the pitcher at 11 years old, but rather being a headsy leadoff hitter......too bad I was hitting 9th in the lineup. We won the camp game 21-2 and I'd like to think my hit was the one that opened it up for us. I'd also like to think I have a shot at People Magazine's Sexiest Men Alive of 2007 but I don't want to get too carried away.

6. Colorado Trip with E, November 3rd-5th.

My girlfriend and I went West to see the wedding of Mr. and Mrs. VFR. Another short trip but a good time was had by all. Between the wedding and walking/shopping in Denver, I had a chance to spend time with E...something I don't get to do much with her a state away. We also went to Columbine High School and revisted one of the most tragic events in our nation's history.

5. First Anniversary Outing, August 20th.
Although the anniversary wasn't until the 21st, I went to the city the weekend prior to the date with my girlfriend went to have lunch at Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde's (something I was really excited about) and watch the off-broadway show Stomp (something I wasn't AS excited about). To make this short and sweet, the lunch sucked but the show was awesome. I had a great time in, as Local Shill would say, the "filthy city," and I think the girlfriend enjoyed herself too.

4. Saints at Steelers trip, November 11-12th.
There are few things in life more difficult to aquire than Steelers tickets at a low price. Every May, the Steelers hold a lottery and give out some extra tickets to some of their home games. I wanted to give the tickets to my brother as an early birthday gift (REALLY early....his bday is in January). Figuring I had a shot at some of the more meaningless games, I threw a $220 check into the envelope and went after the Saints and Bucs games. To quote Rutgers radio announcer Bruce Johnson, I was "waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting...."

3. Valentine's Day, Feburary 14th.
When I ranked holidays as a kid and young adult, this one ranked at or near the bottom (right around Yom Kippur and Christmas.....the latter for obvious reasons....for those who weren't aware the "A" is a very jewish last name)
This past one was a different story. I LOVE surprising people and I got to shock the girlfriend in a large way. Complete with a delivery of roses and an evening drive south to Delaware, I waltzed into the girlfriend's apartment complex and surprised her beyond belief. Red face...big smile....one of my best arrangements in history. And a big thank you goes out to JDogg for helping set the thing up.
We went to a restaurant in Wilmington called Deep Blue. Despite almost burning my tongue off with a Chipolte Shrimp appetizer, the food was very delicious. Overall, a very enjoyable evening and definitely worth the trip.

2. Rutgers football defeats Louisville, November 9th.
I went to Rutgers during four of the darkest years in its sports history. The football team had more to laugh about than the comics at the nearby Stress Factory. I had never experienced an atmosphere quite like the Louisville game. Ran into some of some old acquiantances and got to see a 28-25 RU victory that ranks as arguably the best win since the fencing team won a co-national championship over 50 years ago (yeah, that's a close one).

1. My Surprise BDay Party, April 14th.
Although the organizers told me it was a party for my then-2-year-old Nephew, I admit, I had an inkling something was up. Maybe it was the comments made by my family during breakfast where they asked my girlfriend if she was "going to Todd A's birthday party" later that day. Or the weird way my brother ushered me into the house. Either way, I had a great time. It's not so much the surprise element as the people who actually attended. Joe Pendleton and Mrs. Pendleton, Local Shill, plenty of my camp cronies including the girlfriend, and F Squad.

Honorable mention: Cavs at Nets tilt with No 1 Dooshbag, Local and future Mrs. Shill engagement party, Dinner at Ruths Chris with the girlfriend, Multitude of weddings that I don't want to single out for fear of pissing off some people, Yankees tilt with Yorg and Joe Pendleton, Counting Crows with the Billaz, Live Concert with my brother.

Here's to a great 2007!

Is THIS the low point?

Can it get any worse?





A basketball team in the world's largest sports city should be a title contender year in and year out, right?





Not when you have a clown running the organization. Yes, I know James Dolan wasn't on the court when the New York Knicks played the Denver Nuggets on Saturday night, but this is the same guy who hired Isiah Thomas and turned this franchise into a laughingstock. Thomas never had success running a team, wasn't this the same guy who ran the CBA into the dumps?





That's more reason to hate Cablevision.





I like how the NY Knicks website had the headline "Knicks Overcome by Nuggets" on the Knicks homepage following the contest. Overcome? Wasn't there a bigger story here? Like the right hand from Carmelo embedded into Mardy Collins face? If you listen to the radio broadcast of the fight, it almost sounds like the crowd is at a heavyweight fight. Maybe MSG should just shutdown the hoops season and host boxing for the rest of the season.





I think the NBA is a mess right now. I can't watch the games not only because my team is awful but also due to the fact that the players come off more as thugs than anything else. Does it say anything that both of the league's top points scorers (Melo and AI) will be missing a slew of games not due to injury, but as a result of their own inflated egos?





Nice work by you. All that surfing for porn has finally paid off.





Thanks to Edgerrin Becht for finding this.....I guess this woman will be staying away from the chili from this point forward.

You always see Christmas in July parties over the summer. Well, I think more effort should be made for July 4th in December parties. Just a thought.

Happy Holidays to all. 60 degree weather....It definitely feels like Christmas in the air.

Ohio State for Natl Champs

I wasn't planning on posting tonight but the more I hear people discussing the need for a playoff system, the more I get irritated that college football lets money and corporate domination take over in lieu of allowing these teams to settle it on the field.

In my opinion, Florida should be in the title game, because they won the conference crown and played in the toughest conference in the country (two things Michigan did not). Oh, and they didn't lose to Ohio State late in the year (one thing Michigan did).

BUT If we can't have a playoff and TRULY decide which team is the best in college football, I say forget the championship game. Just name Ohio State champion and end it there.

Sure we'd lose out on the title game and all the excitement it would cause, but isn't it clear that OSU is the best team in the country? The Buckeyes have played a BCS league schedule and went unblemished. No other team can say that.

Why not turn the BIG game into a Florida/Michigan matchup? The Battle for Second Place. The Struggle for the Silver. The Gatorines Game. Ok..maybe that's a stretch.

That might not solve EVERYTHING, but it seems like these two teams are the only ones most people feel should be ranked number 2 in the country.

And the consenus remains that OSU is number 1. I'm sure Jersey Girl won't have a problem with that.

Oh....Thank you, Greg.

Football Good, Basketball Baaaaaaaaaad

I can't believe how BAD the Rutgers men's basketball team is.

Yes, I understand a HUGE offensive force departed in first-round pick Quincy Douby, but to losses to Jackson State, Miami (OH), Bradley and a previously winless Temple squad?


And it ain't even December yet!


Was the cupboard THAT bare? Fred Hill is making Craig Littlepage look like Dean Smith. The hoops team might not surpass the football team in victories this season. I NEVER thought I'd say that. I was actually looking forward to seeing this team play a down Seton Hall team this season.

But RU must be worse than the Pirates. I look forward to seeing the RPI rankings and Rutgers hovering near teams like Army, Praire View A & M and Savannah State.


The Scarlet Knights beat St. Thomas Aquinas by 41 points. How BAD is that squad? Even for a Division 2 school.

Rutgers is scheduled to play Nebraska at the RAC on Saturday at 4:30 p.m. With the football team playing at 7:30 p.m. in the biggest game in Rutgers history, I don't forsee many staying for the second half of a 30 point deficit.

Nebraska is 4-0 with a good win against Creighton. I think their guard used to play Urkel. Or was that Jaleel? Never mind.

• I noticed this story on the wire and when I read the headline, I thought it was about someone who is having problems with erectile dysfunction.

• Well, I guess I can cross Forth Worth off the places where I intend on dropping a batch.

Congrats to my brother's friend GHM (no relation to FHM), who recently took home the top prize in a Fossil watch contest.

Hmmmm....i find it ironic that he won a $1000 gift certificate right around the SAME time my watch stopped working....Hey GHM....I voted for ya!!!!

The Steel City and the Steel Cardinal

Plenty of exciting things have happened since the last blogging.

Let's start with the Saints/Steelers tilt that I attended with my brother on Nov. 12th. We drove out to Pittsburgh (about a 5 1/2 hour trip...which didn't include a stop at Arby's....I am still shocked to know that Arby's is given its name for the initials of Roast Beef....amazing)

On Saturday, we went to Heinz Field about 4 hours prior to the 4:15 p.m. kickoff (thank you flex scheduling) and ran into the Fox Pregame show. While donning Local Shill's Raymell Rice jersey, I met Howie Long, who reminded me how Lee Corso had "KILLED Rutgers" that week.

I told him Corso also picked Cal/WVU in the title game and then informed him I purchased all my batteries at Radio Shack.

He wasn't amused.

After the pregame ended, Jimmy Johnson was the first to bolt from the autograph session...then Bradshaw and Long. Joe Buck stayed the longest and even do some shtick with the fans. I enjoyed watching that small tuft of hair blowing around. That kid definitely uses Propecia.....not that there's anything wrong with losing a little hair.

Or all of your hair.

Back to the game....we had some pretty crappy seats...they were about 2 rows from the top.....the top of a passing 747. So, we elected to move down and took a risk. Heinz Field is built in sections, so if you want to move to the sideline sections, you have to go down a long ramp. Fortunately, we were able to find two seats at the 50 about one section up and watched the game with some hard core fans.

The game was ALL offense. It didn't help the Steelers that Troy Polamalu was knocked out early in the first quarter. The final score was 38-31....there was more scoring in that game than on the Spice Channel (and no, I'm not putting a link in there). Marques Coltston has some of the best hands in football and was truly a sight to see in person. I'm not annoiting him as the new Jerry Rice, but the guy has real talent.

Other items:

-- The Hall of Fame ballots are out and I couldn't agree more with Mr. Rosenthal (and not just because he probably celebrates Rosh Hashana). I was a big fan of McGwire and was thrilled with what he did for baseball during that remarkable stretch in the late 90s. However, if we are to ostracize Bonds and Palmiero, why should McGwire get a pass? Even though steroids weren't "banned" from baseball, they were and still are illegal when unauthorized. I don't think you can make an argument for McGwire and maybe he should be voted when he comes clean....as for now....I think all of his votes should go to someone else....

....like Don Mattingly? Please? Yeah....even I don't think he deserves to be in....but it was worth a shot. How about Paul O'Neill? (thought I'd give it a shot)

-- We're coming to the stretch run in the fantasy football season. As much as the girlfriend hates me for it, I'm addicted to watching stats add up on my cbs.sportsline site to see if I can beat someone else, who is also watching the stats, while we play "pretend" football.

It's amazing because I'm sure I couldn't beat most of these team owners at a game of REAL football but when it comes to the fantasy world, I'm 9-3 and 6-5-1 and likely heading to at least one playoff berth. And it's almost as satisfying as winning a real game, too.

When can they make Fantasy Supermodel Dating? I keeed, I keeeeed.

-- Last and least, the Giants....what an agonizing loss. I don't even want to break it down because it's get me more fired up than Local Shill after the 2001 Stanley Cup playoffs. I never knew plastic, white patio chairs outside the 16th and A compound could absorb so much brute force.

I'm glad the Rutgers run has given him and all of us something for which we can cheer.

My Coke Rewards approaching 1,400! Still...nothing good.

RU RAH RAH!!!

"Never in a million years..."

That seemed to be the start to every quote uttered outside Rutgers Stadium after Rutgers HUGE 28-25 victory over Louisville last night.

Watching the Yankees win is great but it's always expected. I never saw this coming. Like many others, I saw another blowout and was proven wrong again. Local Shill and I calculated how many victories I had in my four years On The Banks. The total came to 11 wins. This team has won 9 already and may eclipse my 11 win total even BEFORE the bowl game. So many years of watching Rutgers sink to a sub-.500 record....I feel like it's been an eternity. Well, I can't say that....but I'm sure this cat can.

"Just think, 40 years ago he was considered 'old.' " -- Local Shill offering his insight

I attended the contest with a few friends and it was like Homecoming Part II. Actually, it was probably better than Homecoming. The lots were packed and Mike and the Angry Puppy (below with Ray Lucas and Marco Battaglia) were there. Guys were throwing tons of insults at both of them all throughout the show. I learned so much about Mad Dog's mother. It was very informative.

A couple of notes from the game
-- How is it possible you can't get ANY Verizon phone service anywhere near the stadium? This didn't used to be the case. You'd figure the largest cell phone company and largest state univ. could get together and compare notes. This is a major engineering school, right?

-- It's amazing how many text messages I got after Rutgers pulled out that win. I learned that you only hear from people 1) when people leave the building and 2) huge games with BCS implications that involve your alma mater (Jersey Girl better get her phone ready on the 18th)

-- In one season, this team went from 56-5 (loss) to 28-25 (win). Unless there's a complete turnover in personnel, I can't understand how this could be possible.

--Mike Teel is something like 34-1 as a starting quarterback. Slightly deceiving. That's like me being 8-0 against NFL Players in tackle football. (Madden football for PS2, of course)

I ran into several people at the game I hadn't seen in ages (of course I couldn't call them on the phone for the reason listed above). I guess when there are 44,000+ people in attendance, you're bound to see someone you know.

You're also bound to wait in a bathroom line for 30 mins to drop a batch. Memo to Rutgers administration: You're making hundreds of thousands of dollars with this run....install more crappers. I watched the bathroom lines and it looked like Bill Gates was giving out $1000 bills or something.

On the subject of long lines.....can someone PLEASE explain this to me? For a wedding dress? Playstation 3....ok maybe. But a wedding dress? At least you can get in a few games of Madden on the HiDef set with the PS3.

Since Jersey Girl is on vacation, I figured this would be something she'd touch on.

How dare the state of Maine put restrictions on such legends? No alcohol on the job? Blasphemous! Do these clowns really expect us to agree with their side? People probably doled out like $2.50 or even MORE to see them in concert and now they have to rearrange their plans for this week, stay home and read in their bedrooms/parent's basements.

On a final note, the world of journalism lost a terrific reporter in Ed Bradley. Known to me as the old dude with the earring, I truly enjoyed his stories...from the recent one on Howard Stern to Muhammed Ali to the one with Michael Jackson that made everyone cringe.
Chris Rock touched on that one brilliantly.

My Coke Rewards at 1100. STILL nothing good. Stench.

Happy Erection Day!

Welcome to election season, where the stench on tv is worse than a middle schooler's 4-month-old unwashed gym clothes.

We criticize those in society who are violent and commit nasty crimes to innocent people. Rightfully so. But when I turn on the television set and see nasty commercials attacking political candidates and make constant comparisons to political candidates and the mafia, I have to ask...who really is running this country?

Case in point, look at this ad which was featured prominently on Opie and Anthony.

Are you KIDDING me???

Nothing like a group of representatives that are composed mostly by lawyers. And we wonder how lawyers get a bad rap.

This is the week of travelling for me. I went out to Denver with the girlfriend for a wedding this past weekend. Did some shtick with some friends from Rutgers. While we were out there we made a stopover at Columbine High School. Opting to remain in the car, we were the only clowns in the parking lot taking pictures from afar. Very eerie.

I remember when the incident happened and the Columbine area was compared to Westfield, NJ. I could see why. The area seemed like it was on the wealthier side and mostly white. However, there was no Castle Bootery...and we all know how important that is to the Westfield community. I think I got my first pair of Zips there.

After the exciting Louisville/Rutgers game this Thursday, I will be joining my brother for a trek to Pittsburgh for the game against the Saints. Two teams going in different directions. I'll be the only one in Heinz Field wearing a Tiki Barber jersey.

I'll also be the only one likely danging by the same jersey from a pole atop the stadium.

Don't forget to get out and vote!

Bears, 16-0?

I forgot to touch on one subject earlier. Are the Bears EVER going to lose a game? With that defense and this schedule, they could very well run the table.

Only road games at the Gmen and Patriots are apparently going to prevent them from doing so. It's hard to believe that Manning is going to be able to throw against that defense.

When Do Pitchers and Catchers Report?

This may have been one of the worst weekends of my life.

Beyond getting sick (I've had a lingering cold since Thursday and have finished off about 1 1/2 boxes of Puffs Plus...I don't think a horny 18 year old has reached that level in a year's worth of work), I got to witness NY(A) fall apart on the national stage.

I am thankful to all of my friends......Yes, I've gotten emails, text messages, phone calls checking to see how I am doing 1) "Are you on suicide watch?" (which I'm not), 2) YANKEES SUCK!!!! (Thanks!), 3) "Uh bye bye Yankees!" (Preciate it!)....and I'll stop there.....

Before I get on with the rest of the blog....you may have questions about the picture. Well, I typed in "Tigers Yankees" on a google search and that came up. Nothing wrong with a little Jessica Alba on the top of the page.

My take on the entire series. You watch these Yankees play and notice a huge difference between this team and the other teams that have won it or at least come close. They don't get those fortunate calls or place the ball perfectly on the foul line for a double....hell, they don't get many hits at all! I don't think it was the Detroit pitching as much as the Yankees slumping in the postseason. Steve Blass could have pitched against NY(A), and I think the result would have been the same. I think the Yankees would have lost to the Royals if they played them...

....and I'm talking about the Clark Little League Royals.

Plus, the Yankees don't have an elite rotation anymore. Wang is a good starter and I'll even go with Mussina (I just wish he was more consistent) but the rest of that starting staff is a joke. I don't think Torre should be fired but ARod should be sent somewhere where he'll never have another chance to see the postseason again. Maybe Tampa Bay....I just don't want to see that kid have to go through the agony he's put on himself again.

So, I have been doing some thinking lately. With no teams for which I want to cheer, Detroit winning makes a nice story but I don't feel like watching rioting on television. And to see them celebrate an ALDS victory like they just won the World Series was quite disturbing.

Frank Thomas is another nice story but does ANYONE really care about the A's? I was always a Cardinals fan as a kid, so I am leaning in that direction for now. Then again, I do feel bad for the Sandman, who has been a Mets fan for such a long time. Do I want the long suffering streak to end and see him elated and watch the Mets win a championship? Do I want Joe Pendleton to enjoy a Mets title with his young Pendletons for the first time? Do I want the boost for the local economy?

I'm not sold on that yet.

I did get a nice treat late Saturday night. While watching an episode of Saturday Night Live, they had a sketch with our friend Kuato featured prominently. I almost called Joe Pendleton to alert him but it was very late and I didn't want to risk catching him on beer #346 and get the slurred "Wha naaaaamber does Daaaarek Jeter wear? Huh Taaaad? Wha number?" question.

Although I was not able to find the SNL skit on the web, I was able to locate this.

Back I go to my bed to ponder another lost season. Hey, at least I still have Rutgers, right?

On a related note....the Scarlet Knights soccer squad beat St. John's for the first time in 6 tries. Remember when Rutgers was one of the best teams in the conference? Now they're 7th in the Big East. They're not even ranked in the top 10 of their REGION! It's been 12 years since the Final Four. With some of the best facilities in the country, is there something wrong here?

My Coke Rewards....up to 911.

Another Pinstriped Postseason

It's that time of year again....playoff baseball! This could be my 2nd favorite athletic event (and no, I'm not including the Tour de Somerville). I have to throw the NCAA Tournament atop my list because of the gambling aspect involved.

But I'm happy to be a Yankees fan!

Yeah, I'm sure there are some out there who might be ticked off....another mention of the Yankees....and I'm sure Joe Pendleton is going to give me crap for not knowing uniform numbers.....it's ok. I just need to stay away from that kid when his beer count hits triple digits.

In one night.

I must admit, I am looking forward to a Yanks/Mets World Series. It's by no means a lock. The Yanks have been well known for having some difficulty coming through in the clutch lately and the Mets....well, the Mets are more banged up than Houston after the Houston 620. The rest of the nation might hate it, but I know people would go nuts in this area.

Who knew that Weird Al was still doing shtick? I thought that guy was in an assisted living facility at this point. I guess not.

I apologize for the lack of blogging....work, work, and thesis have been way too much to overcome. I couldn't imagine having kids. Or a dog.

Or a fish for that matter.

Goo Goo Earth

It doesn't take much to get me excited.

My roommate, an engineer, told me that he spends much of the day on this website. It's pretty cool...you can get a close up of the Pyramids in Egypt and then head to Vegas to try and spot scantily-clad dancers wandering the Strip in Vegas (Baby). And there's nothing more interesting than staring at the roof of my place.
I told people I work with about it and most of them told me they had already seen this. Not the first time I've been behind the times. Our family was the last in the neighborhood to get a VCR and microwave. Heck, my grandmother still had a rotary phone in the late 1980s.

I covered my first two football games of the season. In each game, a running back went 50+ yards with no time left to run up the score. When I asked one of them why he did that, he said he "be want to beat 'em by more points." Sportsmanship anyone? I guess I'm glad he didn't pull out a Sharpie.

My Coke Rewards at 740. Still nothing good. I can tell that going through all of those Quick Chek garbage cans is going to be a waste of my time.

Stench.

Out of this RUT?

I wasn't a pessimist until I went to college.

There were plenty of great things that happened in my life up until that point. I had a loving family and plenty of security. The New York Giants had given me two Super Bowl titles and even the Yankees had a bright spot in Don Mattingly, whose Hall of Fame pathway was derailed by back ailments. And no, I don't think he should be in the Hall.....but he was still my favorite player as a child.

But it was college that really brought me to my low point. Announcing games for the Rutgers radio station, I got to experience one of the most woeful four-year stretches anyone has witnessed in their collegiate career (and I'm not even going to touch 7 seasons without an NCAA for the men or women in hoops). Four losing football seasons....a 11-32-1 record. A winless senior year with two close games. There's nothing more exciting than traveling to West Virginia for a 48-0 wipeout and explaining how your summer vacation went as part of the second-half color commentary.

"Hmmm....I think I could start for this team."

OK...I don't want to get carried away here. I am only 5-foot-6 (in heels).

On Saturday, Rutgers football took a step in the right direction. By beating North Carolina 21-16 on the road, the Scarlet Knights posted their best win in at least a dozen years (maybe a 1994 17-12 toppling of West Virginia at home). In the past, they would have fumbled late or allowed the opposition to notch a game-tying or winning score in the fourth quarter. Not on Saturday. Rutgers managed to hold on and topple an ACC squad. For once, I can speak proudly of my alma mater. No more black cloud over the program. No more failing to convert a 4th an inches....no more 15 yard penalty for excessive celebration due to a Scarlet Knight horse on the field.....no more injuries wiping out an entire roster (is it possible to have an entire secondary decimated by "burners"?). I can tell people I proudly went to Rutgers!

(That is until they lose to Illinois next week)

Reader Alert: The following contains sentimental material!!!!! Read at your own risk!

AGASSI RETIRES

I just wanted to pay homage to one of the best tennis players I ever watched. As a kid, I wanted to be Andre Agassi. I bought his shoes.....I wanted to have his hair but my grandmother wouldn't have a Jewish boy with a mullet....or she called it a "shvife" (or something that sounded like that). It's ok....because 18 years later I think I finally DO have his hair.

When I saw him battle for victories in the first two rounds of the U.S. Open this year, it was almost like I was looking back at my childhood. My father used to take me to play tennis with him and his college tennis club every Sunday at a local indoor racquet club. I wasn't very good but he always did what he could to give me some time on the court. Wearing my flourescent green Agassi shoes, I would try to emulate my idol with a potent two-handed backhand that would make ALL the ladies go wild.

(Did I mention I hit about 30 balls on the next court, pissing off the women who were trying to play doubles? Oh they definitely went "wild")

Now, his career is finished and I couldn't help but understand how Agassi felt yesterday. There aren't many players left that my father, who passed away four years ago, knew who currently play on the tennis circuit. Now that Agassi is gone, you can cross another one off the list. I still have my love for the game and have Agassi to thank for being a joy to watch on the court. I wish him the best in retirement.

Not to get all sappy.....so I'll throw in a little joke to get your ready for football season....

There was a Packers fan with a really crappy seat at Lambeau.

Looking with his binoculars, he spotted an empty seat on the 50-yard line. Thinking to himself "what a waste" he made his way down to the empty seat.

When he arrived at the seat, he asked the man sitting next to it, "Is this seat taken?"

The man replied, "This was my wife's seat. She passed away. She was a big Packers fan."

The other man replied, "I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. May I ask why you didn't give the ticket to a friend or a relative?"

The man replied, "They're all at the funeral."

Wanted: Truth in athletics

Can we trust ANYONE in sports anymore?

We're in the age of bigger everything...bigger arms....bigger homeruns.....bigger prices at the concession stand. $9 for a beer at Yankee Stadium? That must explain Joe Pendleton clearing out all the alcohol in the shed at Local Shill's engagement party.

(Still....we're all trying to focus on BIG and it makes me wonder why Jason BIGGS can't find any good work lately though...did anyone even SEE Jersey Girl?)

The recent focus has come on a track star and bicyclist. Justin Gatlin has NO idea how illegal substances got into his system. NO IDEA??? Do you think someone from the rival Canadians slipped it in your salad? Are you using "Roid Rage" Condoms?

Floyd Landis is no better. The guy FAILED his drug test....TWICE and still is denying it. Come on Floyd. Just live up to it and move on with your life. But before you do, can you discount the shipping on this for me, buddy? Thanks.

One set a world record in the 100 meter dash and the other was more impressive in the Tour de France's 17th stage than E.T. was on a bicycle.

We're living in an era where cheating seems to be the IN thing. And this doesn't just hold true in sports. Many of us aren't innocent either. People cheat on their taxes....they lie on tests.....they steal from merchants to get an extra item.....they cut courses in high school cross country meets and even when you tell the officials about it they says there's nothing they can do because no one else saw it and you really wanted that spot because it made a difference in whether or not your name made the local paper in the 15-50 loss or not....

I think you get the point.

When we look at the athletes who are lying to us, it makes you wonder if other's are cheating us in the real world. Did I really just get 20 gallons of gas for the right price of $2.79? Is the mailman reading my mail? Did the guy who cuts my hair charge me more than the previous customer? And why am I going to a hair salon in the first place?

I guess it's something you can't put too much thought into because then we'll be worry about EVERYTHING out there.

As for Mr. Landis, I enjoyed this old article....here's my favorite line...

"We've always been interested in Floyd, he's a damn good rider," Armstrong said

No crap. NASA wants to sign him too. They need someone to manually bring their next shuttle to Uranus. There we go...another Uranus reference. How old am I again? 12?

And in closing....all of a sudden, Pluto doesn't really matter much.

I received this link from my ol' pal JBechtmd.

I guess that explains Sandman's most recent problems. Looks like the doctor won't be able to help you with that, sir. HEY NOW!

SNL News and Uranus Was Saved!!!

Change is never easy.

I admit I like things to progress the way they usually do. I never like it when people are let go (except when it involves sitting next to a part time sports clerk who's about 45 years old and doesn't understand the concept of dialing 1-1-7 to take a box score).

So when the news came out that Horacio Sanz, Kenan Thompson, and Chris Parnell are leaving Saturday Night Live. Sure, that makes an opening for me (Lorne....you reading this???) but it also leaves a comedy void for the show.

Who will play the fat man who cracks up every other sketch?

Who will play black guy #2? Looks like Kenan will be calling Bill Cosby to see if he needs his own Kato Kaelin.

Who will play.....ah, I can kinda deal with Parnell leaving.

Tina Fey and Rachel Dratch have also left the show. (Good riddance Debbie Downer) The rumor is Jason Sudekis, who plays the spoiled chewing gum guy in the rich couple skit, will take over Weekend Update.

I wonder if Dennis Miller is deperate enough to return?

AND in other big news, the Internation Astronomical Union (IAU) declared that Pluto isn't a planet. I don't know if this really will affect our lives at all...I mean, are college students REALLY going to head 2.75 billion miles to Pluto for spring break? I think the biggest problem is what new mneumonic devices can we come up with for the EIGHT planets? My Very Educated Mother Just Showed Us Nine....Planets? Are we changing My Very Excellent Mother Just Served Us Noodle Pudding to just Noodles?

Science class will never be the same.

At least we still have Uranus.

Two Weeks

"Two Weeks"

It's more than just the line uttered by Arnold Schwarzenegger's character in Total Recall (It was actually Priscilla Allen who said the line...but who's really counting?)

Camp ended on Friday and the next two weeks is like the calm before the storm. After Labor Day, it's back to the REAL job. Of course, I will be prepping for the job plenty....getting lessons ready....purchasing supplies....etc. but I'm trying to have some time to relax.

As part of this Relaxation Program, I went to the city with my girlfriend to celebrate our one-year dating anniversary (first anniversary....I believe that's rope, right?). Upon a friend's recommendations, we went to Jekyll & Hyde in Greenwich Village for lunch. I had never heard that anyone had a bad time at this establishment so I was overly optimistic.

It was one of the worst lunch experiences ever.

The place isn't large....it's actually smaller than the main pub on 6th Ave. It was early, so it was understandable that there were only about 6 other people in the place.

We took a seat and ordered our food. Shortly thereafter, a wolf's head starts firing out barbs from the wall. The wolf asked a pair of twins their names about 20 times and they wanted no part of the shtick. It was almost painful watching the wolf in this exchange.....it was almost like watching dudes try to pick up girls at Olde Queens in New Brunswick. Except this was.....well, it was a friggin' wolf.

The worst part came when I ordered a water and had a fly doing the backstroke in it. I let the waitress know and she apologized. That was it. An apology? Isn't that one of the Seven Deadly Sins of Restauranting?

1) Telling off a Customer
2) Bug in the food
3) Spit in the food....and getting caught
4) Forgetting about your table
5) Repeatily beating the customer over the head with a menu
6) Bug in beverage
7) Repeatily beating the customer over the head with a menu that's not even the restaurant in which you're currently dining

Matter of fact....it's on there twice!

To add to the problems, I got overcharged for soup. Blatantly overcharged. The manager didn't seem interested in helping me out so I am adding Jeykll & Hyde to the list of banned establishments.

We walked around the Village and I surprised the lovely E with tickets to Stomp. Going into the theater that seats about 350 people, I was a little skeptical about a 1 hr. 45 min. show with no story and no words. It was awesome!

The show features eight characters who use brooms, garbage cans, pots, sinks, matchboxes, and various other "instruments" to make music. You can even see their personalities by the way they move, interact with the audience or bang things. And no, this isn't a porno.

It's truly an amazing show. (Despite it not being a porno)

My coke rewards at 598! And I STILL can't get anything good!

Arthur, Willie and Dudley

Sorry I haven't posted in a while. I have been immersed in Colorwar at camp. Ketchup vs. Mustard.

Tomorrow's the final day and despite a lead of 110+ point, we ketchupians can't get complacent! I hope to give the full rundown later in the week.

I received this site earlier in the week. Yeah, it's a little morbid but that's right up Pete's alley.

Who knew Dudley Moore was buried in Scotch Plains? I realized he was living in Plainfield...and yeah, who in their right mind would want to be buried in Plainfield, right?

I miss Arthur Bach. "You're my best friend, Hobson!"

And if you like Will Ferrell, here's a perfect site for you.

Proud to be from Joisey

As a life-long Jerseyite....or Jerseyan....or Jerseyer....or whatever you call it, I have come to the realization that there are some things every native of the Garden State should do in their lifetime...

1) Visit Six Flags and ride a roller coaster. Yeah, it's not Disney World but it's the closest thing we've got to it. Plus, we all should attend once, because we don't need Bugs Bunny developing an inferiority complex. Look what happened to Elmer Fudd, people.

2) Attend a Bruce Springsteen concert. I'm not a fan of Mr. Springteen (especially when I found out he wasn't Jewish and I had to start playing up the "Hey, Ed Koch is Jewish guys! And he's cool, right?" and don't particularlly like most of his music (yes, I know.....rip me), but when a ticket was made available to me by Reako, I couldn't pass it up. The show was entertaining, and I don't remember yawning once. I did see Paul O'Neill (uniform number 21) two sections over from me dancing to his music. And no, he wasn't practicing his batting swing in the audience.

3) Use the restrooms/Drop a Batch at each campus at Rutgers, the State University of Nw Jersey. (No wait....that's on my Things Rutgers Students Should Do During Their Lifetime List. Nevermind.)

4) Walk any boardwalk at the Jersey Shore late at night. There are few things more comical than the disasters that come out late at night down the shore. For optimum disaster, go to the Seaside boardwalk to see Mustangs and various other sports automobiles complete with black lights underneath and sound systems so loud that even people in China go deaf. Wondering what a "wifebeater" is? Head to Temptations. Whoops! Wrong link. Try this one.

5) Bet on a horserace at the Meadowlands. Extra points for doing it while donning a varsity jacket. Seems like that or chewing on a HUGE cigar are prerequisites for making a wager at that place anyway.

6) Order breakfast at midnight at a diner. I still can't believe diners haven't turned into a nation-wide phenomenon. There are Greeks in Arizona, right?

7) Travel to all parts of the Parkway and Turnpike. It's the only way to see the state.

Which brings me to the final key thing on the list.

8) Drop $100 at a casino in AC. It's taken me 30 mins to accomplish this feat. There are some times when I stare for like 5 mins. at the elaborate lighting for some of the casinos and think to myself, "I paid for all that."

And last but not least...

Attend a Bon Jovi concert.

Well, I got that last one out of the way Saturday evening. My boss took about 19 of us to his box at Giants Stadium for the show. While I am not a huge fan of the fifth favorite band on Mr. Sandman's list, they did put on a good show.

At first, I wasn't exactly elated when Jonathan Bon Jovi told the crowd that he planned on rockin' until Sunday morning, but the guy was very energetic throughout. Unlike the Counting Crows concert which I attended earlier in the week where Adam Duritz turned many of his harder tunes into ballads (stench), Bon Jovi pretty much stuck to his tunes. Even in the disgustingly humid weather, the guys hung out there for 3 1/2 hours. I was quite impressed.

Overall, a good time was had by all.

Filth Flarn Filth!

I'll never forget the day I learned about the world of Kevin Smith.

It was a rainy day in Silvers Apartments at Rutgers the State University of New Jersey. And since we were stranded on Busch, which was pretty much the Rutgers administration's way of throwing its students on Alcatraz but with more of an Asian touch, we could have done two things. Study (HA!) or watch movies -- VHS movies (yes, I'm THAT old).

My three roommates had just returned from the video store with the movie "Clerks" in hand. I was a bit confused and not exactly fired up about seeing this movie. After all, they had just rented a movie just a few weeks prior called Angus because our friend Dave read that the movie was about kids and football. Who cares that the movie had NO other redeeming qualities....I remember it had a picture of a fat kid who looked as though he's trying to choose what part of a Shoney's deluxe buffet to partake in first.

We ALL loved Clerks. It was shocking and had many of NJ references. Plus, we could relate to the absurity in the movie. We also enjoyed the fact that "Jay" could have been the twin brother of our friend Roger. The two enjoyed a good smoke, had deep, scratchy voices and pretty much would mount anything that moved. Unlike Jay, Roger has changed since then.

He doesn't smoke as much anymore.

When I heard Clerks 2 was coming out, I was VERY excited. I wasn't really thrilled with the trailer -- a topic that Joe Pendleton has discussed in his blog dated July 11th. The Sandman and I ventured to a local multiplex to see it last evening. The movie was disgusting, completely inappropriate, and highly obscene.

I LOVED it! It was much better than the first and while he did swing and miss with some of his jokes, the ones that were successful were hilarious. I haven't laughed that hard in a movie theater in a long time.

I won't give anything away, but make sure you stay past ALL the the credits to see the bizarre thing that Mr. Smith does for his fans. Those on My Space will especially enjoy it. Especially, the porch monkeys. The WHITE porch monkeys.

In other news, the absence of Sam in softball this morning put me in a position to pick teams. It was my chance to be Joe Torre. Unfortunately, I looked more like Dallas Green. I threw 3 scoreless innings on the mound and appeared to be destined for the Sunday Morning Jew Softball Hall of Fame....but a few fat tosses to the middle of the order changed all of that. After 8 runs in 7 innings, I now have a career ERA of 10.29. We lost the game 12-11.

Oh well. At least I can still pitch for the Royals.

The true test comes this week with the first ever camp staff softball game. After 3 years of practice, I finally have a chance to show my talents. Too bad much of these "talents" involve me cracking jokes much of the game. Because popping up to the catcher isn't exactly the talent that is going to get me lifted on the shoulders of my teammates this Thursday.

Counting Crows on Wednesday....I'll try to give a full report later in the week.

(I apologize for the lack of images.....seems like blogger.com isn't accepting them now)

Short post today because I find myself required to watch today's World Cup game between Italy and France. It's the most watched event in the world (unless we're counting Baywatch).

I am pulling for Italy. Not because enjoy the cavatelli and broccoli from the local Gerraro's
pizza shop" or that I am Italian (I have about as much Italian blood in me as the owner of the local Fuk Yu Suk Me Chinese Food restaurant), but it's more that I am anti-French. There's nothing worse than giving stuck up people something more to brag about.

We'll say Italy 2, France 0.

Italy....all the way baby! (That was for Mr. Henn)

I did get sent this link yesterday. I don't know if I am more fired up that they have Bow Wow Wow's "I Want Candy", Rick James busting out with "Superfreak" or the kick ass pic of Mr. T at the top. Who knew Carl Lewis had a music video?

A really BAD one at that.

Since Mr. T is smiling, I can tell this wasn't taken after B.A. Baracus was drugged prior to getting on a plane.

Dave Chappelle returns tonight Bitches!

When I heard the state was having a shutdown, I figured, "Who cares?"

This crap isn't really going to effect me anyway, right? After all, the people in Trenton could use a few days off from corrupting us citizens, stealing funds from the state treasury, and having homosexual, extramarital affairs.

Then, it hit me. I walked into my local convenience store to cash in 4 winning scratch off tickets. After waiting in line for 10 minutes behind two men who were conversing in some Hindu dialect, I handed my tickets to the man behind the counter.

"You no can get money, " he told me. "Only buy ticket."

According to my understanding, that means that I wasn't able to collect my winnings....however, he was more than eager to sell me more tickets.

I was pretty upset that I wouldn't be strolling out the door with my $8 in winnings...especially since I had already purchased a sandwich for $8 next door and didn't have my wallet on me. Once again, politicans are screwing the country.

Such is my luck.

I did see the National Education Association is working to reform No Child Left Behind (NCLB). To many of you, that doesn't seem like much or the reform is a cop out by the country's teachers, who are too lazy to instruct the youth of America. For those who aren't aware what NCLB means in a nutshell it's a piece of legislation that links test results to federal aid. It's supposed to hold schools accountable for their students' performance through Adequate Yearly Progress (a series of steps that show the school is making strides toward being proficient on state assessments).

On paper, it makes sense. In the real world, it's not the case. The standards apply to ALL students, including special education students -- some who can't even read effectively or are 3-4 grade levels behind their peers. Basically, some students don't move as rapidly as other in the curriculum and the assessment is way too advanced for them. Plus, the law requires special education teachers are required to be "highly qualified" by taking a standardized test in their respective subjects. It is possible for a special education teacher to teach 5-6 different subjects in one school day. Most people are strong in 1-2 subjects but having mastery across the board at a secondary or high school level is a challenge.

The problems don't ends there....the federal government hasn't fully funded the program and parental support for many students is severely lacking. To add to the confusion, the tests that Texas gives might be easier than the ones in Northeastern states. Not everyone has the same curriculum. As someone who was a lifelong Republican and praised the work of one Alex P. Keaton, this piece of legislation has made me consider a switch.

Just another reason why Dubya is screwing up the country. Which brings me to this long but humorous link. Enjoy the First Lady refusing to shake Mr. Colbert's hand at the end.

If you get a chance, check out Mr. Sandman's list of the top 108 bands of all time. He's linked on the side of this page. While he has several noteworthy omissions, it's still an amazing piece of work.

I'll be posting my top 108 batch droppings of all time later in the month. Yes, the time when I did the deed while the plumber was working in my basement will make the cut. I never heard a man shout out so many expletives in my life.

Happy 4th to all!

What a past five days it's been.

The school job finished and camp started today. For my transition, I gave myself a little vacation/bachelor party to Las Vegas. We stayed at the Mandalay Bay and a good time was had by all. A few things happened on the trip that make my list of the most annoying things of all time...

1. I never understand this one: You press the button for UP on the elevator and are waiting patiently. Then some other yahoo strolls over, SEES the button is lit and presses it anyway. Like the thing is going to shoot down faster for this bastard in the preppy Lacoste shirt? This is the MANDALAY BAY, jerkoff! There are probably like a dozen people on the thing. Go take your lavish bank account and play the nickel slots.

2. Or the genius who sees you in the elevator holding the button that keeps the elevator open and he STILL puts his arm across the doors to prevent them from closing. Do you think I'm pushing this button to keep it in place? And these doors close so slowly, you're not going to get crushed. Still, if you do it won't matter. That's one less jerkoff in the world.

The trip was a good time. I joined a couple of friends at the rumjungle on Thursday night. There were about 40 people hanging out. As I walked to the other side of the club, I spotted the legendary Alan Thicke drinking and smoking in the VIP section. I know the guy must be pushing 70 or so but he looked pretty good for a guy who can take money out of his IRA. I think it helped that he was with a broad who was probably in her mid to late 20s. I'm sure Maggie Seaver isn't happy about that.

The other celebrity sighting occurred hours after I scored three of a kind in 3-card poker at the Mandalay Bay. With the $450 payout in my wallet, I noticed a short man walk past me. I immediately noticed him as middleweight boxer Winky Wright. Not that I'm a HUGE boxing fan but he is my favorite fighter. I watched him notch a draw with Jermain Taylor a few weeks back. And he may be listed as 5-11 but I'd be shocked if he was more than 5-9. EVEN I could almost see the top of his head.

Winky (and I don't know if I'd go with that as a name if I was a boxer....it's not manly enough.....I might go with Thumpy or Wee Wee or Shnookums) was at a craps table with more "bling bling" than Kay Jewelers. I wanted to get a picture with him but he was way into his craps game. Plus his two security guards, two pit bosses and two casino dealers kind of scared me off.

Oh and the fact he could dismantle me with his fists probably came into play, too.

In closing....This might be the greatest column ever on espn.com. I especially enjoyed #2 Boom Goes the Dynamite. It almost makes me feel like I should have gone into broadcast journalism.

Nah.

Jersey Girl....I salute you with #6. I'm certain you'll be linking that site to your next blog.

Coke rewards up to 330.

As I headed home from work, I spotted a balloon tied to a mailbox. The balloon read "Class of 2006." I guess the people who lived there must have had a party this past weekend. And no, I wasn't invited. It's ok though.....I left a lit batch on their front doorstep.

No ill will toward them.

I guess it's pretty weird to think that we're already up to the Class of '06. I think back to my time in high school and all of the " '92" and " '93" varsity jackets and me thinking, "Damn, that's a long time away!" Well, that's still the case but in a different direction.

It's just amazing how time flies.

Hmmm....maybe I can save my varsity jacket for my great-great grandkids. I'm sure they'd be proud to have a jacket with a cool golf logo on the back and "STAT" on the side. I wasn't THAT big of a loser, thank you. I did have cross-county adorning the back side (told you I was an athlete) with a '94 in the middle.

Come to think of it.....2094....I guess that's not that far away.

I came across this story today. Nestle wants to buy Jenny Craig. That doesn't really make much sense. Isn't that like Verizon trying to sell cell phones to the National Association for the Deaf?

If a Game 7 happens and no one cares, does it still count? I think I'd rather watch Poland/Costa Rica.

My Coke Rewards.....up to 307.

We had our rival middle school softball game yesterday. Since our town has two middle schools (We'll call them Kennedy School...because it ALWAYS seems like everything in this country that was built post 1963 was named after JFK) and the Bonds Institute, our faculty (Kennedy School) played their faculty (Bonds Institute).

Why "Bonds Institute"? One look at THEIR faculty, and it was obvious drug testing doesn't apply on that side of the township.

Ok....so they spent the previous day practicing while we went about our daily lives. And yes, they had four dudes who made Carlos Delgado look like Herve Villechaize (however, not in his current state). But I still thought we had a chance. Then again, I thought Crystal Pepsi was going to be hugely successful.

One of the guys I play softball with on Sundays was on Queer Eye for the Straight Guy this week. Turns out the featured couple eloped and got married in Las Vegas. That one cat Carson that everyone knows from the show married them both. Well, I mean, he didn't marry them BOTH....it's not like the show was in Utah. And one of them was female...so, well you know where I'm going with that.

He did seem excited when they brought out a basketball court and he got to play around with the balls.

Rita Rudner was on the program, too. Good to see she's still getting work. I think I saw her on Route 22 with a "Will Work for Food" sign the other day.

My new obsession is that show 24. Yeah, I'm about 6 years behind the times. One of my students tried to sell me his iPod for $200 this week. I told him I wouldn't be able to purchase it until about 2009 or so. Time to get rid of my rotary cell phone.

I just ordered Season 4 of the program. Midway through season 3, I am convinced that it may be the greatest show ever to be shown on the airwaves. It might not be very realistic...that program has had more actors revived from the dead than a Lifetime channel film festival (That Meredith Baxter Birney just WON'T DIE!!!)

Jack Bauer might have the most dangerous job in the world.....unless we're counting middle school teacher. Five days left of school! And one week till I hit Vegas. Yes, that's trouble.

The annual 8th grade trip was held and for the first time in a while it was an overnight trip to Washington D.C.

Yours truly was approached to chaperone the trip and, well, when you don't have tenure and look at this way as the only avenue to see the country because you work almost every week of the year (teaching and summer jobs....yes, I'm the lone teacher without "summers off")...you have no choice but to decide to head off to the nation's capital.

It truly is amazing how much knowledge our young people lack when it comes to knowledge of our country.

Who are the senators from New Jersey? "No clue."

How many senators are there in the country? "Ummm....10?"

Is Washington D.C. a state? "Yeah, probably."

What's the name of 50 Cent's last CD? "You talkin' bout "The Massacre" or "Get Rich 'N Die Tryin'"? Cuz that 2nd CD is from a movie 'n (expletive)."

There's nothing more exciting than watching 160 teenagers take over a hotel and pretend that it's their own little country.

Male Student #1: Why we gotta stay in our rooms?

Chaperone: Because we want this place still standing tomorrow morning. And I don't feel like being on the front page of the newspaper.

Female Student #1: But I wants to go to (insert boy's name here)'s room.

Chaperone: Uh, no. I don't want you staring at the color pink in some pregnancy test in a few days.

I think the classic moment on the trip was at the hotel in the evening. We were responsible for taking out all the telephones before lockdown around 11 bells. One of the chaperones walked into a boys' room and this exchange occurred.

Chaperone: Could you hand me that phone?

Male student: Uh, that's not a phone. That's an alarm.

Chaperone: An alarm? That's the phone for the room.

Male student: No it's not. That's the alarm that wakes us up.

Chaperone: Ok, then where's the phone?

Male student: In the bathroom.

Chaperone: In the bathroom? I doubt it....but OK...Show me.

The student proceeded to pull the air dryer out and hand it, with cord attached to the teacher.

I guess the "High" setting means long distance.

Yes, world. We are in the trouble.

Coke Rewards up to 253. Keep them codes comin!

Whoever said there is nothing good on TV?

As I sit home and relax from another exciting day at work, I am watching the National Spelling Bee. One of the last two contestants is a young lady from the Jersey Shore. I find it humorous that her sponsor (as well as all of the sponsors) is a newspaper. Actually, it's TWO papers.....both Gannett rags....the Asbury Park Press and the Home News Tribune. Once again the C-N gets screwed.

One of the finalists just spelled Esquisse. Isn't that a magazine? Or a cake? Either way, i couldn't spell that if you gave me the letters.

Hell, I couldn't spell it if you gave me the letters IN ORDER.

"Stench"....noun......language of origin......Tillmanese.

I had a good Memorial Day weekend. Visited Doctor Carino at his abode in Mount Laurel. The man was so drunk that people were getting inebriated just inhaling his sweat particles. It's always good idea to have a school about 400 feet from that man's house. I'm sure the doctor was thrilled when the state legislature's proposed Alcohol Free School Zone was shot down.

I seem to be having difficulty putting pictures up on this lovely site. So if at times it is plain, I apologize....but I'm trying. Although I'm sure the Sandman and Mr. Pendleton are delighted I can't throw tons of pictures of NYA on this site.

Not that I would be able to throw out their uniform numbers, of course.

Coke Rewards up to 200!

I fell asleep while watching Tuesday night/Wednesday morning’s Mets tilt on that new SportsNet NY channel. When I turned on the TV the following afternoon, I saw the SNY Sportsnite program and opted to give it a try. The anchor was a guy named David Lee, who reminded me of the fat dude from that Bebe’s Kids movie.

As I watched, there was an interview with new Jets offensive coordinator Brian Schottenheimer. Who was doling out the questions? None other than former Rutgers quarterback Ray Lucas. Notice I didn’t say STAR quarterback Ray Lucas. Four seasons with no bowl contests will do that to you.

Here was his interviewing style, “Yo, so you’re comin’ in here. Schottenheimer….a pretty well known name. What’s up?” That was the only question they aired. I have no idea if he gave him a high-five prior to that or told him how much of a fan he was of his work.

Don’t get me wrong, it was good to see Lucas make it to the NFL, but when I heard Lucas broadcast a Rutgers/Vanderbilt football two years ago, I almost got sick.

Rutgers rallied for a miraculous 37-34 victory at Vanderbilt. Yes, VANDERBILT. Not exactly the pinnacle of college football (then again, neither is Rutgers). While on the air, Lucas proceeded to scream and yell during the final moments. I understand he is a former player but screaming over the final call….that’s a BIG no-no in broadcasting.

Now the SNY channel gets to enjoy his professionalism.

RUMOR OF THE DAY: Looks like Joe Pendleton has been meddling in Hilary Swank's personal life. One week after their encounter, the best actress Oscar winner has decided to end her relationship with Chad Lowe. I wonder if Mrs. Pendleton is getting curious about his evenings away from home......even on off nights. Curiously.....he didn't show up for softball on Sunday. Hmmm......

My Coke Rewards.....up to 143 points. Have a safe and happy Memorial Day.

It wasn't the most joyful of weekends. After feeling a little weakened Friday, I got pounded with a cold that relegated me to my bed for much of the weekend. Well, maybe I shouldn't say "bed." I mean, does a mattress on the floor really constitute a "bed?" Maybe I should just call it a sleeping area.

I believe this it where I digress and go off on a "pizza store" tangent.

I tried to attend my friend Rory's 30th birthday party (I think it was 30th surprise party number 11 that I've attended) and lasted about 2 hours before I felt like I was going to need a stretcher to carry me out of the house. After going through 1.5 boxes of tissues, several tablets of Allegra-D, sudafed, and some sort of fish tranquilizer, I still felt like crap. It could have been worse....at least I didn't have a pool cue stuck up my ass.

HEY NOW!

On a similar subject, it looks like Jimmy is writing a book! For years, I had heard rumors about the fine governor sleeping around with other men (even politicians)....but I always thought it was a joke. Looks like the man was finding pleasures in houses, bars and even at rest stops.

Makes me think twice about trying that fixins bar at the Roy Rogers on the Turnpike from now on.

I think the classic line from the story linked above is this...

"The book already can be ordered on Amazon.com, which is packaging it with the gay cowboy film "Brokeback Mountain."

One missed out on an Oscar, while the other dabbled with Golan's Globes.

And here's another excerpt...

"He writes at length about a relationship with a woman he met at Catholic University. Later, when McGreevey went to Harvard for a graduate degree in education in 1981, he reconnected with her. McGreevey doesn't name the woman, referring to her by the pseudonym "Laura."
She would serve as a date for him -- his "beard" -- when needed."

All of a sudden, I am having second thoughts about Joe Pendleton's Playoff "beard."

The My Coke Rewards is up to 114 points. I think I have 3 weeks left....

Good to see Prince is making the news again. But how does one even get nominated for "sexiest vegetarian"? There are TONS of candidates to choose from. Melissa Rivers....Ed Begley, Jr., Ed Asner, James Cromwell.

OK...so maybe Prince isn't such a bad option after all. The weird thing is I always thought Prince was a meat eater.

Just under a week until Memorial Day and unofficial start of summer! You know what that means? That's right....the return of Sandman's entire extended family to my complex to enjoy our pool!

Gosh, I love the summer.

There is one more week of American Idol left. And as much as I’d hate to admit it, I have become a fan of this show. I know….I know....I’ll be handing in my heterosexual card at the next checkpoint.

I didn’t watch the first few seasons, but then one of my coworkers tried out for the program and instantly I was hooked on it like Whitney Houston on crack (And yes, I've marked out my face in case any of my youngsters happen to be surfing on here....).

The show is only REALLY good during the first month or so. That's when some of the most horrendous performers try to convince the three judges, Mo, Larry and Schillina, that they are among the BEST in the country. Some of these clowns really think they can sing and start weeping endlessly while firing profanities at the camera. People who are disasters makes for great television.

Personally, I don’t care who wins….Taylor or Kat. I was kind of ticked off when "rocker" Chris Daughtry was tossed a few shows back. That seemed to be the consensus of every tough guy who watched the show or was forced to watch the show due to a girlfriend or wife who was hooked onto the program and had control over the remotes on Tuesday or Wednesday nights. A common line thrown out on radio talk shows: "Now I have no reason to watch the show!" What about waiting for another exciting episode of Unan1mous? Don't even get me started on that crap.

Maybe I’m leaning a little more towards the gal winning because she’s better eye candy…then again, a victory might lessen the chances she’ll appear in a full Playboy spread. Or better yet, Swank. (I keeeed, I keeed).

Do I get my hetrosexual card back now?

Which reminds me of a little story....

I was teaching a science class with a coworker. She was talking about blood clotting in humans. During the lecture, she asked the class, "What do you call the disorder where blood does not clot properly?"

The class sat there for several seconds....clueless....

(Bueller.....Bueller.....Bueller....)

You had a better chance of getting a giraffe to recite the alphabet. So she prompted them....."Heeeemo"

One of the students got up....with this HUGE smile on his face....."Hemo-SEXUAL!"

I nearly pissed myself.

My Coke Rewards total....114 points. I think I'm up to a $20 coupon when I buy $300 worth of ant trap products or something.

Anyone think Fantasia will be making an appearance in Black Tail anytime soon?

Atlanta Braves first baseman Adam LaRoche made one of the worst plays I have ever seen on a baseball field.

Taking an easy grounder that was certain to be the third out of the inning, LaRoche gingerly made his way to first, getting beat out by Nationals batter Nick Johnson. The play jumpstarted a rally by the Nationals, who would eventually go on to win the game.

In the story about the game, it was mentioned that LaRoche has ADD (attention deficit disorder....which is actually called ADHD by most medical professionals now). Braves fans had the frustration of witnessing this disorder for only a few seconds. I get to witness it for about 8 hours each day.

And I wonder why I'm almost completely bald.

I wonder what would happen to LaRoche if he played for a team that was located in a city where grits isn't the main delicacy. Don't get me wrong, he wouldn't be considered Scott Norwood or anything, but he wouldn't exactly be given more leeway from this point on.

Which brings me to this tangent.....how does Norwood have an encyclopedia entry? I mean, someone actually researched his life? Then again, I guess anyone can get an entry.

Did anyone see that Yakov Smirnoff graduated from U Penn this week? (Scroll to the end of the link). That guy hasn't been seen in years. He was kinda funny as a comedian back when the Cold War was at its peak. Then when that all fell apart, you never really heard of him again. Which begs the question, how can he afford a UPenn education to begin with? Was he distilling his own Smirnoff vodka, hoping people got it confused with the legitimate Smirnoff brand? Is there some small section of the country with NO information entering where this guy is still mildly funny?

And what the hell is positive psychology? Some sort of "create-your-own major" like half the Rutgers basketball team did when I went to school. I remember one player majored in Puerto Rican Studies another majored in Drinking with a minor in Sleeping. Maybe Smirnoff should have focused on Ukrainian Studies.

Quincy....what ARE you thinking? Yes, I am happy that you might actually give Rutgers a player in the NBA as opposed to a commissioner (Davey Stern) and coach (Eddie Jordan), but there is NO way you are a first round pick. Maybe I'm wrong. Is the college talent pool THAT weak? Don't get me wrong, Douby was a good college player, and I was a fan of his work, but can't you wait one more year to assure yourself maybe a lottery selection? It's all about the money, I guess.

Mr. Douby....meet Terrell Willis.

Lastly, I want to thank Jersey Girl for her shout out today. For those who haven't read her blog, definitely check it out (along with the others by Mr. Mosher, Joe Pendleton, B. Peterman, and SJPSandman linked on the right side. It's the one thing I look forward to each day.

Well, that and 2:53 p.m. (that's the time the work day ends....although for me, it concludes when I have a mental shutdown after all of my students tell me they don't have pencils....or paper.....or anything that might make them SLIGHTLY prepared for class around 10 bells)

I turned 30 years and one month old yesterday. (Insert sound of noisemakers here)

No, I'm not expecting a surprise party every month after the huge milestone...but I've constantly been asked, "Do you feel any different?" Not really. I must admit though....the most difficult part of reaching 30 isn't added aches and pains, added responsibility in life, passing the age threshhold for American Idol (like I can even sing happy birthday) or weakened ability to consume beverages (not that I could drink many others under the table in my prime to begin with).

The worst part might have to be facing the treadmill. I used to throw my weight on there press enter and then always an age in my 20s. Now, I have to deal with a WHOLE different category. The heart rate target changes....the diagram of where fat burning and cardio reaches another stanza on the chart.....people start gasping and breaking glasses behind me. That's a tough pill to swallow.

Not like ANYONE in my gym is swallowing pills to begin with...but I won't go there again.

I'm sure I'll be able to figure out other problems of reaching 30. But right now, I'm trying to enjoy it....

...as long as I can use my towel to cover up the treadmill reference section.

The Coke Rewards total is up to 98. (Sorry Joe Pendleton.....It's no beer count. I think that's up to 6....which is Derek Jeter's number).

Happy Birthday Rico!

I failed a test today. Granted it was my vehicle inspection (and not a pregnancy test)....but still, there's something very demoralizing about waiting 20 minutes for your car to pass through a line controlled by two people who are about as pleasant as Kansas City Royals fans in mid-August and then having a red sticker thrown on due to a burnt out brake bulb.

Kansas City Royal fan.....isn't that an oxymoron?



But anyway...I had to head back to the shop to get it fixed and then drive back to the DMV or MVC or PMS....or whatever they call it now to wait 20 minutes once again for them to look at a bulb. They seemed to look at EVERYTHING again before they passed me. Like I am going to remove my catalytic converter and install pimped out tint and all kinds of illegal devices on my car in the 90 minutes since I left the inspection center. Give me the sticker and let me go waste more gas.

My new hobby....collecting codes from Coke bottles as part of the My Coke Reward campaign. Yes, I officially have reached a new low point but if drinking 800 bottles of soda can help me snag that coveted "Coca Cola Judges Cup from the American Idol set" or an "Authentic Autographed Race Tire" , then my life goals will have been fulfilled.

Feel free to send me your codes. I'm currently up to 62 points. Only about 36,938 more for the top prize of "World Domination and free year's supply of Diet Coke."

To quote Derrick Coleman, "Whoop Dee Damn Doo."

I have a formal this weekend with E. It might involve me dancing at some point. I'm sure that won't be too embarassing for all parties involved. Especially with the genetics that I have. My grandfather used to say that his Naval officer used to tell him he walked "like a monkey fucking a football." I won't include a visual there.

Happy Mother's Day to my mom and all other moms out there. Stay away from wire hangers.

I went to the Live show last night at Starland Ballroom. They put on a good show. I must admit, these guys looks like they're getting older and older (not that I am getting any younger or anything....after all my shower drain looks like a friggin' gremlin convention.....OK, well maybe that's an overexaggeration....not that I'll be throwing food down there after midnight or anything).

Ed Kowalczyk pretty much looks the same....he does look like he's hit the gym recently. Then again, I hit the gym too recently. But my gym-going experience involves staring at people and wondering

1) Is that chick with big breastses a stripper? She must be.

2) How do some of these guys get THAT big? There's no way that's natural. I wonder if the front desk would be opposed in making drug tests mandatory in order to work out at the gym. Anything that makes me look a LITLLE bit larger, would be greatly appreciated. I'm considering strolling into the gym with one of those sumo wrestling blow-up outfits just to hold my own out there. It's tough trying to struggle with those 20 pound weights!

3) What's the deal with that clown who looks like a mess but talks to EVERY hot chick? You know the guy....chews gum like a cow and NEVER does a single exercise but has a blast just chatting away. His full time job? Gym loiterer.

Back to Live...the opening act was a group called Michael Shapiro. There was a kid in my college named Michael Shapiro who was highly annoying. I think he ran for President of the class every year. This bad made him look palpable (there's an SAT word for ya!). Stench.

The key for Live was to play my three favorite songs: White, Discussion (check), I Alone (check), and Shittown (check). This should help for a great week.

Well, maybe if the Yankees can actually beat the Red Sox this year.

Got this great link from my friend, Josh, in and Land of Mary. For those of you who were hooked on Super Mario Brothers, you will definitely enjoy this. I remember sitting home on Thanksgiving, playing that game for 3 days straight. After that, I think fireballs were shooting out of my orifaces, too.

I wonder if Mario ever had that checked out.