An Angry Berman

This is Casem Kasemesque.

I guess no one beats the %&*$ out of the wagons like Chris Berman.

A Giant Party

Several years ago, my family threw me a surprise party for my 30th bday (Eli Manning attended...as you can plainly see). I figured something might be in the works because all of my friends were hit with their own shindigs during the year (Except for Ralphmazz who I think turns 30 sometime in 2011).

When I opened the door to my mom's hut, I was greeted with a "SURPRISE!" which was shocking but I was blown away with who was actually there: Joe Pendleton and Mrs. Pendleton among the crowd......my roommate from freshman year....some camp people I hadn't seen in awhile.....my lost issues of Maxim that I had been searching for prior to my moving out of my mom's house.....

It wasn't so much the event occurring was but more who was there.

The New York Giants are playing in the Super Bowl. The Super Bowl happens every year.....along with a trip to Rog2k+8's to hang with some friends. That's always a good time but now I get to watch the my squad try to win a World Championship. Once again, it's not as much the event but now who is there.

That doesn't happen often. Just ask this cat.

I don't want to think of the GeeeeeeeMen as sacrificial lambs especially against a team that is nearly a two touchdown favorite. However, I have some reasons why the Giants will win the game

• Road Warriors: Yes, I'm already sick of hearing this...and it's less than 24 hours from the NFC Championship game win over the Packers. The Giants have won 10 straight on the road. While this isn't a road game, it is a game away from East Rutherford -- a place where the Giants haven't been able to grab too many wins. It may have been a jealousy factor that Gate D didn't hold as much entertainment as there was at Jets games.

• Team of destiny: After winning games as underdogs throughout the playoffs, the Giants weren't given much of a shot to get this far (that sounds alot like the expectations on me to finish cross country races in high school....amazingly I made it....so what if I couldn't move for the next 2 weeks). The Giants should be very loose for this game. This is a team that went into Green Bay and pulled out a victory in remarkably adverse weather conditions. -4 degrees? When it's 20 degrees out and snowing, the news stations tell us not to go outside because it's so cold. The guys were out there for FOUR hours and still managed a "W". I'm sure they were thrilled when they found out the game was going into OT. That's almost like hearing this at age 15, "Hey Saul.....they screwed up the circumcision when you were a newborn. Can you get on that table for a second?"




• 19-0: Do you honestly believe any team will go undefeated in the NFL? I still hold out hope. I'm also praying that Denise Richards gets lost in my complex and knocks on my door looking for a place to rest. Hopefully, Charlie Sheen won't be breaking the restraining order, waiting in the car.

• The New York Giants have NEVER lost a Super Bowl! (when they've faced AFC East teams)

• Manning factor: One Manning won it last year, so keeping it in the family is a must. Cheer up Bears fans, Ricky Manning, Jr. is up next year!

I won't go into the reasons why the Giants have no chance in this game.....but does anyone want to see the Patriots win another title? Half of these guys are already in the Hall of Fame. After 20 years, Jeff Feagles is due.

On a final note: My brother created a website for the "folically impaired." Bald people all over should check out Chrome Magazine, a site where people can share stories of losing their hair. He beat me to the punch. So plans are in the works to make a website for people who can share stories of losing their minds.

I believe that's most of us.

Welcome Home!

Occasionally, a story in the newspaper catches my eye. I subscribe to the Star Ledger and usually do a quick perusal of the news section....maybe if I was a reader of the Trentonian, I would be more entralled by the half naked playmate that occurs on a regular basis.

I know the Sandman is a big fan.

I have been following the tale about the two fugitives that escaped from a Union County jail several weeks ago. The prisoners burrowed a hole in a jail cell and covered it with bikini-clad women.

After causing the suicide of a security guard due to a ill-conceived escape note that thanked him for helping the escape, the duo was recaptured over the last few days. From what I've read about these clowns (and I'm not putting their names in this blog because with the lax security at these jails, I don't need either of these two doing a google search on their names, "Mattingly" and "Sandman" and hunting me down), this wasn't a case of wrongly-accused Andy Dufresne trying to flee Shawshank.

One of the two was housed in a basement in Elizabeth. The other went to Mexico and stayed in a "flophouse".....which, to my surprise, is not the nickname for the International House of Pancakes.

When asked about getting caught, Blunt said, "Ain't nobody was trying to get away, I could have gotten away if I wanted to."

Ummm...excuse me? You were in MEXICO. You weren't trying to get away? Last time I checked, I don't think Mexico was a right turn off of any stret in the Elmora section of Elizabeth.

Don't get me wrong...there are times I felt like I was lost in E-town and thought I was in Mexico but that wasn't the case, homey. The 7-11 on Morris Ave. still took dollars and not pesos.

Here are the reasons I might go to Mexico:

1) Vacation in Cancun or Cozamel or any other Punta de whatever resort.

2) Feed my drug habit. No mom, I don't have a drug habit.....but if I did, then I'd take the first flight to Mexico City. (I'm sure she'll still call me...worrying that I'm whacked out on crack with the Sandman)

3) Escape from the law after I burrowed a hole in a jail cell and covered it with bikini-clad women as part of my plan for freedom.

I'm sure these guys will get off easy.

Hope you enjoyed that trip to McDonald's gentlemen. You won't be there again for awhile.

On a final note, I was sad to hear of Sir Edmund Hillary's (1919-2008) passing. We will never forget the legacy he left for all of those who truly appreciate everything in the world. And I'll never forget the first time I heard about Hillary's Comet. I was in elementary school at the time....I think it was 1986....it happens only like every 80 years or something....

Wait a minute....I think that's the wrong guy.

Never mind.