Play Ball!

I always look at Opening Day as the bridge to the summer...better weather...vacations...and then the fall again. Let's try to forget about that last part.

On Friday, my friend DBag called me and told me he had an extra ticket to Yankees Opening Day. This would be my first Opening Day (and the last) at Yankee Stadium. When I learned of this opportunity to witness this historic moment, I had to jump at the chance. In the process, I was cursing the 40,000+ in attendance.

After a rather uneventful train ride to Penn Station, I met up with the DBag at a TGI Fridays where we caught up since we last spoke in early February. Much like the rest of my friends, nothing really new and exciting happened in either of our lives. He had no children on the way (that he knew of, at least) and his liver was still functioning at the normal 45 %.

Fired up, we jumped onto the subway and headed to 161st Street. While standing on the train next to a guy who could have been Slow Pitch Eric's long lost twin brother, I noticed an advertisement for Dr. Zizmor. In the late 1990s, it seemed as though every Sunday morning commercial on channels 5 and 11 seemed to be promoting this guy's ability to get rid of black spots and various other growths on the face. It was always a pleasant sight while downing bagels and lox. All I could think was, "Isn't this clown in jail?" He's not....but he's close.

If I'm going to a dermatologist, I'm probably not making the long trek into the city. And I'm DEFINITELY not going to a guy with a rainbow advertisement that reminds me of a bowl of Lucky Charms. I don't need purple horseshoes coming out my nose, thank you.

We made it to the Stadium and heard that the game was being delayed an hour from its 1:05 p.m. start. Not too bad I figured, especially since (enter Allen Iverson voice) it was drizzling....not raining.....drizzling.....we tawkin' bout DRIZZLIN....not rain...we not takin bout rain......DRIZZLIN. What are we tawkin bout?

(shout out to Jersey Girl for that one)

We sat in the stadium for about 30 mins before John Sterling popped up on the videoscreen telling the audience that the weather reports were promising and the festivities would start around 2 bells. The plan changed about 20 minutes later around 1:35 when another announcer told us the weather reports weren't as promising and they were checking out their options.

Just a reminder....it was still drizzling....not raining.....DRIZZLIN.

To add to the heartache, the stadium monitor was showing clips of the '96 opener against the Kansas City Royals where the Yankees played a game in the snow. Remember folks...we not tawkin' bout a blizzard....we tawkin bout DRIZZLIN! DRIZZLIN'!

To no one's surprise, they moved the game to Monday night and due to prior engagements, I was unable to attend. DBag and I headed to a bar called Local West and did shtick with some bartender named Jules.

Among the highlights:

• Sitting next to some guy who looked like Sven in the AT&T commercials....and yes, he had the same sand-colored sweater that reminds us all to "BANDUL UP!"



• Watching some dude perform magic tricks while downing captain and cokes like it was his job (well, that and making rabbits disappear)



• Jules making gestures that if Hillary Clinton ever made, would likely send her back to focus on the needs of the people in the Empire State.

So let's look at my last two trips at the stadium:

1) Thrown out for allegedly videotaping a one-hour tour. A one-hour tour.

2) An opening day rain-out courtesy of heavy drizzle. Stench.

Cheer up my Catholic friends....I won't be there for the Pontiff later this month.

Time to watch Rutgers try to make the Final Four again. I wonder if Imus is watching.