Sick as a Lassie

I hate getting sick. Who doesn't? It's one thing we all have in common. Well, maybe except if your name is Magic Johnson.









Prior to arriving home on Monday, I stopped at a local pharmacy and picked up some Tussin to help ease myself out of this coughing funk. I noticed that the directions on the box call for, at most, 2 teaspoons of mystery juice every four hours.









My question to the drug-making public is this: if the highest dose is 2 tsp, why are there indicators were 3 and 4 teaspoons are located on this plastic cup? Are there some doctors who tell their patients to take more of this gooey red liquid in lieu of real drugs? Do some people take the cup and try to use it to measure ingredients for a cake mix they're working on?









Whenever I get sick, it seems like some of the worst things happen on a national stage.

• Eight years ago, I was stuck in bed as Dubya started a campaign to sink Iraq into the Persian Gulf. That's worked out pretty well, don't ya think?




• Last April, I was hit with the flu bug and Cho Seung-Hui gunned down 30 students at Virginia Tech.




• Now, Governor Spitzer couldn't keep his veto pen in his pants, leading to calls for his resignation. Was this guy REALY thinking he wasn't going to get caught? Bill Clinton = 100 times more powerful and he got nailed (if you catch my drift).

I didn't know there was a dress code for scandal either. Check out the photo on the left. The Governor's wife, McGreevey, Governor's wife, Spitzer (my mom will get that one). Coincedence?

While they all made for interesting yet depressing television, I still can't wait to get back to 75 percent and get to work.

Instead of wasting bottled water, I've decided to drink lots of tap water, hoping to find the perfect assortment of "human and veterinary pharmaceuticals" to cure what's bothering me. My last mug must have had traces of viagra.









Not sure why...it may be the recent ability to use my groin as a coat rack.









In between school work, I managed to watch No Country for Old Men. Solid movie but a lot of symbolism that basic minds like my own didn't quite grasp. I can see why Javier Bardiem won best supporting actor. The guy scared the crap out of me. It's the only good movie the Coen brothers have done so far. And yes, I hated Fargo. My best picture vote still would have gone to Knocked Up.









A few other things I've noticed while relegated to my bed.

• Millionaire is STILL on TV. What a remarkable run for a gameshow that hit its peak 8 years ago. I used to think Meredith Viera was hot like 2 years ago, but the stress of the Today show has taken it's toll (my apologies to JM for this comment....but it had to be done).




• Drew Carey does an OK job on The Price is Right...although it doesn't seem like that's that difficult of a job. I did see him actually kiss a contestant on the lips. You know that woman is bragging to all of her friends about that one. Either bragging or calling local authroities. That hosting gig continues to get better and better.

• Siena really looked impressive last night against Rider. Unless they get a 15 or 16 seed, I could seem them doing well against a team with a dominant big man and average to good guard play. They went up against a potential NBA project in Jason Thompson and blew his squad out of the gym.
  
  
  

Good news for the Sandman. Thanks to this, you might finally have the breakthrough to get your band on a national stage. One call to your sister might do it. I already made my one call to her today. Sorry, I can't help!

lastly, if Saturday Night Live doesn't do a spoof on The Moment of Truth with Gov. Spitzer this weekend, then they're really missing out. The show has been stench since the return.

Thank you Aunt Judith

We all have an Aunt Judith. And if you're my Italian friend, Dr. Nazz, you have about 300 of them....this is what happens when you're related to the entire state of New Jersey.

You know what I'm talking (or in this case "blogging") about. She's the relative who sends tons of emails about sometimes mildly funny, but family appropriate things. It's amazing how many jokes are there about a rabbi and a priest out there.

In some cases, her emails are neither funny or family appropriate "uhhh....I'm staring at a half naked fat chick and if I don't send this to 40 of my friends, I'm going to receive bad luck?"

"Do I even HAVE 40 friends?"

My Aunt Judith lives in California. She didn't catch on to this "email thing" until about 3 years ago. On Saturday, she sent me something that I actually found to be extremely enjoyable. I'm certain Jersey Girl, Sandman, and Joey P will get a chuckle from this.

Just received the NY Giants DVD in the mail. During the London portion of the DVD, I enjoyed watching Sam Madison walk up to an Englishman with a 49ers hat and say, "You like San Francisco? You know we just whipped them last week, right?"

This keeps me occupied while I wait for the highly anticipated flicks Bachelor Party 2 and No Country for Old Men (talk about the spectrum of good and stench) to arrive via blockbuster.com.

I just watched Michael Clayton this week. It was good, but Best Picture worthy? I don't think so. American Gangster was much better. I'd even pay to see Knocked Up before watching George Clooney's tired act for another 2 hours. It's amazing how for good looks can get you. Of course, Seal is the big exception to that rule.

Just added a 6th game to our trip. Yanks at O's on April 20th. Nice work by Mr. Becht!

Mogwai and Motorola

My brother is big into thinking up new inventions. I think he may have tried to patent a few of them...the Amazing Shammy and the smokeless ashtray (with apologies to the late Hoyt Axton's character Randall Peltzer of Gremlins fame) not among them. On a side note, I did always want my own Mogwai but I guess my mom knew of my inability to keep a fish alive for more than 3 weeks and didn't want our town to go the way of Kingston Falls.

What about getting back at the criminals? Screw the scumbag who tries to swipe my hot ride.

Someone needs to invent a device that triggers an electric shock when your car is stolen. Granted there are probably plenty of legalities to overcome to get such a mechanism in your automobile, like the "rights" of the thief trying to steal your car.....The "Stealer Shocker"

Maybe it could be a smaller shock.....a few steps up from the feeling received while watching one of those 3-D productions at Disney like Honey, I Shrunk the Audience. And if you're going to Disney and I ruined the surprise for you, well...then let me add to the anger.....Dumbledore is dead and the chick in The Crying Game is really a dude. Piss off.

At the start of the month, New Jersey started enforcing a new ban on cell phones. Drivers must use hands-free devices or they may be given a $100 ticket. More money for the PBA ball! One report shows that reading while driving is a bigger distraction. Nothing like the morning paper to go with a glass of gridlock.

However, I disagree with both assessments.

My vote might go to the more dangerous, "trying to plug in the headset and dialing the phone while driving." I realize there are cars with the option of having a built-in bluetooth (this was not an option in my "hot ride", pictured above). I'm sorry.....I'm still living in the 2005s....yes, I still own a VCR.....I still dial the phone manually and figure out how to plug in the headset, trying to find a tiny hole that's more difficult to find that Bin Laden.

Yes, I could have taken the low road there.....but I didn't.

Other considerations:

• Eating those irresistible fries in the adjacent bag from McDonalds




• Digging in the bottom of the bag for those extra loose fries from McDonalds




• Realizing that you've dropped fries on the car mat and reach for the loose food product, dislocating your arm in the process




• Seizures resulting from the 30,000th replay of Sean Kingston's "Take Your There"




• Ridiculous potholes from the wintry weather, making the roads of Union County seem like that of downtown Bahgdad.




• Moron rubbernecks who turn to stare at an accident and slow down traffic even more than has been already done (this would also automatically trigger a jolt from the "Stealer Shocker")

Tough week for Patrick Swayze. He was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, the same illness that ended my father's life nearly 6 years ago. The major hurdle with pancreatic cancer is the fact there is no early detection method. By the time it's found, it's usually already too late. Please mark October 5th on your calendars....that's the 2nd Annual Picnic for Pancan in Clark, N.J. to help raise money to education and fund pancreatic cancer research. I hope the best for Patrick and he recovers from this....even with the difficult odds to overcome.

And for the Sandman, line of the night on American Idol....after Danny Noriega was voted off....Ryan Seacrest handed him the mic and told him, "Eat it up Danny."

I'm sure he will.