Wanted: Truth in athletics

Can we trust ANYONE in sports anymore?

We're in the age of bigger everything...bigger arms....bigger homeruns.....bigger prices at the concession stand. $9 for a beer at Yankee Stadium? That must explain Joe Pendleton clearing out all the alcohol in the shed at Local Shill's engagement party.

(Still....we're all trying to focus on BIG and it makes me wonder why Jason BIGGS can't find any good work lately though...did anyone even SEE Jersey Girl?)

The recent focus has come on a track star and bicyclist. Justin Gatlin has NO idea how illegal substances got into his system. NO IDEA??? Do you think someone from the rival Canadians slipped it in your salad? Are you using "Roid Rage" Condoms?

Floyd Landis is no better. The guy FAILED his drug test....TWICE and still is denying it. Come on Floyd. Just live up to it and move on with your life. But before you do, can you discount the shipping on this for me, buddy? Thanks.

One set a world record in the 100 meter dash and the other was more impressive in the Tour de France's 17th stage than E.T. was on a bicycle.

We're living in an era where cheating seems to be the IN thing. And this doesn't just hold true in sports. Many of us aren't innocent either. People cheat on their taxes....they lie on tests.....they steal from merchants to get an extra item.....they cut courses in high school cross country meets and even when you tell the officials about it they says there's nothing they can do because no one else saw it and you really wanted that spot because it made a difference in whether or not your name made the local paper in the 15-50 loss or not....

I think you get the point.

When we look at the athletes who are lying to us, it makes you wonder if other's are cheating us in the real world. Did I really just get 20 gallons of gas for the right price of $2.79? Is the mailman reading my mail? Did the guy who cuts my hair charge me more than the previous customer? And why am I going to a hair salon in the first place?

I guess it's something you can't put too much thought into because then we'll be worry about EVERYTHING out there.

As for Mr. Landis, I enjoyed this old article....here's my favorite line...

"We've always been interested in Floyd, he's a damn good rider," Armstrong said

No crap. NASA wants to sign him too. They need someone to manually bring their next shuttle to Uranus. There we go...another Uranus reference. How old am I again? 12?

And in closing....all of a sudden, Pluto doesn't really matter much.

I received this link from my ol' pal JBechtmd.

I guess that explains Sandman's most recent problems. Looks like the doctor won't be able to help you with that, sir. HEY NOW!

SNL News and Uranus Was Saved!!!

Change is never easy.

I admit I like things to progress the way they usually do. I never like it when people are let go (except when it involves sitting next to a part time sports clerk who's about 45 years old and doesn't understand the concept of dialing 1-1-7 to take a box score).

So when the news came out that Horacio Sanz, Kenan Thompson, and Chris Parnell are leaving Saturday Night Live. Sure, that makes an opening for me (Lorne....you reading this???) but it also leaves a comedy void for the show.

Who will play the fat man who cracks up every other sketch?

Who will play black guy #2? Looks like Kenan will be calling Bill Cosby to see if he needs his own Kato Kaelin.

Who will play.....ah, I can kinda deal with Parnell leaving.

Tina Fey and Rachel Dratch have also left the show. (Good riddance Debbie Downer) The rumor is Jason Sudekis, who plays the spoiled chewing gum guy in the rich couple skit, will take over Weekend Update.

I wonder if Dennis Miller is deperate enough to return?

AND in other big news, the Internation Astronomical Union (IAU) declared that Pluto isn't a planet. I don't know if this really will affect our lives at all...I mean, are college students REALLY going to head 2.75 billion miles to Pluto for spring break? I think the biggest problem is what new mneumonic devices can we come up with for the EIGHT planets? My Very Educated Mother Just Showed Us Nine....Planets? Are we changing My Very Excellent Mother Just Served Us Noodle Pudding to just Noodles?

Science class will never be the same.

At least we still have Uranus.

Two Weeks

"Two Weeks"

It's more than just the line uttered by Arnold Schwarzenegger's character in Total Recall (It was actually Priscilla Allen who said the line...but who's really counting?)

Camp ended on Friday and the next two weeks is like the calm before the storm. After Labor Day, it's back to the REAL job. Of course, I will be prepping for the job plenty....getting lessons ready....purchasing supplies....etc. but I'm trying to have some time to relax.

As part of this Relaxation Program, I went to the city with my girlfriend to celebrate our one-year dating anniversary (first anniversary....I believe that's rope, right?). Upon a friend's recommendations, we went to Jekyll & Hyde in Greenwich Village for lunch. I had never heard that anyone had a bad time at this establishment so I was overly optimistic.

It was one of the worst lunch experiences ever.

The place isn't large....it's actually smaller than the main pub on 6th Ave. It was early, so it was understandable that there were only about 6 other people in the place.

We took a seat and ordered our food. Shortly thereafter, a wolf's head starts firing out barbs from the wall. The wolf asked a pair of twins their names about 20 times and they wanted no part of the shtick. It was almost painful watching the wolf in this exchange.....it was almost like watching dudes try to pick up girls at Olde Queens in New Brunswick. Except this was.....well, it was a friggin' wolf.

The worst part came when I ordered a water and had a fly doing the backstroke in it. I let the waitress know and she apologized. That was it. An apology? Isn't that one of the Seven Deadly Sins of Restauranting?

1) Telling off a Customer
2) Bug in the food
3) Spit in the food....and getting caught
4) Forgetting about your table
5) Repeatily beating the customer over the head with a menu
6) Bug in beverage
7) Repeatily beating the customer over the head with a menu that's not even the restaurant in which you're currently dining

Matter of fact....it's on there twice!

To add to the problems, I got overcharged for soup. Blatantly overcharged. The manager didn't seem interested in helping me out so I am adding Jeykll & Hyde to the list of banned establishments.

We walked around the Village and I surprised the lovely E with tickets to Stomp. Going into the theater that seats about 350 people, I was a little skeptical about a 1 hr. 45 min. show with no story and no words. It was awesome!

The show features eight characters who use brooms, garbage cans, pots, sinks, matchboxes, and various other "instruments" to make music. You can even see their personalities by the way they move, interact with the audience or bang things. And no, this isn't a porno.

It's truly an amazing show. (Despite it not being a porno)

My coke rewards at 598! And I STILL can't get anything good!