Now Starring in Pinocchio, The Rocket

Should I ever find myself in a particularly difficult predicament (argument that I can't win, whether I should go with the Diet Coke or Pepsi, figuring out women, trying to decipher a Rubik's Cube), I am going to call Roger Clemens.

This guy is trying everything to get around the truth. Where is Colonel Jessup when we need him, VFR?

Based on what I've seen (and many others with which I've discussed this matter), Roger Clemens isn't just full of HGH...he's also full of...well, you know what. It doesn't make me happy as a baseball fan (and no team is safe from this steroid epidemic as all franchises have been affected in one way or another) that the sport my father and many other parents used to create a bond with their children is being torn apart by athletes looking to get an advantange. And I don't want to hear the argument that HGH and steroids were illegal at the time. They were illegally used in this country and sports should be governed by the same rules that we have to live by. Unless you're one of the Congressmen who are investigating this ordeal, then the sky is the limit.

When you consider that the all time home run leader (Bonds), all time hits leader (Pete Rose), and arguably the most dominant pitcher in recent history (Clemens) have all done significant damage to the country's greatest pastime, it really sickens me.

It's a good thing O.J. didn't chose to play baseball for a living.

While listening to the radio today, I heard a talk show host rip Andy Pettitte for teling the truth during his deposition last week. Instead of saying what he knew, he should have used the "I don't recall" or "I'm not 100 % sure" line and helped his friend off the hook.

A very LARGE hook, I might add.

None of us can say for sure what we'd do in that situation. However, I can empathize with what Pettitte did and won't rip him for telling the truth. I was never really good at lying and most of the time I dug my hole so deep that I could have reached China. And I'm not defending him just because Mr. Pettitte (#46 for those scoring at home....and I know you are Mr. Pendleton and the Sandman) is my mom's favorite player. Yes, it's great to be loyal to a friend but when the possibility exists of going to jail and reenacting scenes from "Oz" or that painful two minute in The Shawshank Redemption, I'm probably covering my own arse. As Wyclef and Akon would say, "25 to life ain't no joke."

Let's just hope I don't ever have to testify against The Sandman. Not...that...I've....ever seen him do anything illegal before.

Random shots

• Is it me or should the Republicans on the U.S. House of Representatives Committee on Oversight and Government Reform the biggest clowns of them all? Is Clemens paying these cats? They were attacking Brian McNamee while everything he said went right along the lines of Pettitte and Chaz Knoublach. McNamee's lawyer claims that even if Clemens is convicted on perjury charges, he's so close with "Dubya" that he will be pardoned anyway. I just took another step in checking the box near Obama this November.

• Congrats to the GMen for taking the Super Bowl trophy. It ranked among the 1996 World Series as moments that really sent a chill down my spine. Worst thing about the Super Bowl....watching the beer commercials that will be replayed ad nauseum for the next 8 months. Yes, the cute little Indian dude saying "Baaa Light" with dame on arm is funny. The first 23 times...maybe.

• On a similar note.....my sports withdrawal will be ending shortly. Pitchers and catchers report this week! That means another 23,000 AFLAC commercials! I'm thinking Yogi Berra can live comfortably on residuals alone.

• "I can't believe Herbie Hancock won the Grammy for album of the year," -- my quote that was met with plenty of laughs from the teenage students in my classroom earlier today. Forget about trying to go over reducing fractions at 10 bells today. Maybe I should have broken into a discussion about Dollar Dollar Bill, Y'all. Thank you, Wyclef Jean and Akon for allowing two references in one entry. (I just gained about 100 hits by putting those kids in this blog entry.....if the

• While it will be difficult to one up Jersey Girl, here's some more of Mr. Berman. The third one has more F-bombs than a NYC taxi cab driver during rush hour. And the fourth one makes me wonder if he didn't go to the Isiah Thomas School of Broadcasting. Hey Chris...harass is one word.

• Finally, a hearty congrats to The Good Professor for 10 years at Gannett's Bridgewater bureau. I'd say here's to another 10 years, but that might not be taken in a good light.