Breakfast, Munch, and Dinner

By no means am I a food connoisseur. I've made more trips to Wendy's in my lifetime than most adults my age (except maybe The Sandman....he's such a good customer that I think they offer him delivery service at no additional charge). But when I saw the opportunity to jump onboard the Munchmobile, I had to take advantage....purely for shtick purposes. (I do have to apologize as I have misplaced my digital camera and don't have pics to put up.....yet)

About 3 months ago, I saw an article by Pete Genovese requesting applications for a spot to "Get on DA van." (those Rutgers media giants in the late 90s would understand that reference from a rolly-polly incompetent clown who used to say "Check ya notes")

I sent in an email and several weeks later received a reply that I had made the cut. I was a muncher. Nearly 13 years after my name initially appeared in the paper courtesy of a 6-0, 6-1 1st doubles victory over then-winless Bound Brook, I was set to have my mug in the state's largest paper again.

The "munchers" were notified via email about 18 hours prior to the outing where we needed to meet. As I parked in the fenced in lot, several things raced through my head:

• How would people react to a 10-seat van with a large hot dog rolling by them?











• How much food could I consume in a 12-hour period?











• Did I leave the iron on?

We were not told where we were going or how long our trip would take. I admit, there was some apprehension that Mr. Genovese would be bringing us all to the Nike factory to make shoes for 12 cents an hour. Those fears were quelled when we went to the first stop: Caldwell Seafood.

We were allowed to order anything on the menu (as long as it was seafood). All food would be shared by each "muncher," and we had to wait for the photographer to take pictures before consumption. It sounded a lot like the ground rules set by Loshin Photography and the Clinton Manor at my bar mitzvah.

On a side note, I think we're still waiting for the photo album from that event.

Much like all of the places on our journey across about 8 counties, Caldwell Seafood had some of the best fish that I have consumed in my lifetime. Then again, the salmon roll at Stop 'N Shop probably shouldn't be used as a valid comparison.

I really enjoyed the garlic shrimp. Shrimp is a favorite of mine (not just because I am 5-foot-6.....5-foot-10 in heels) and the meal was coated with just enough garlic. The calamari balsamico wasn't as spicy as I feared it might be and that suited me perfectly. If I visited the establishment again, these would definitely be atop my list of things to order. The clam chowder soups were rather bland and the least tasty of anything on the trip. However, I was in the minority and enjoyed the lobster bisque, which had large chunks of lobster mixed into the soup. The cajun grilled scallops were also not too spicy and a side of sauteed spinach was a pleasant addition to the dish.

Instead of wolfing down everything, I saved a little room for our next stop. Out to Flemington (God's Country as Mr. Frezza would say) and the Blue Fish Grill. By far the most inexpensive stop on our trek, BFG had butterfly shrimp that was unspectacular. Normally, I would finish off any remaining shrimp, but there were still some left when the food was deposited into the garbage....along with my retainer. I keeeed, I keeeed. Initially, I though the idea behind the the fish tacos was innovative, but they were a little too spicy and I didn't like the avocado dip that accompanied it. The New England lobster roll was very tasty and the yellow fin tuna was a very good value and just tender enough. This coming from someone who usually avoids tuna like the plague. The chips that came with the sandwiches lacked flavor. Last but not least, the talapia was grilled and you could tell by the taste. I enjoyed that dish.

Then came the LONG trek down the shore. For a while, it seemed as though the Munchmobile van would be my new permanent mailing address. After what seemed like 3 hours of driving (the Parkway wasn't even touched once), we ended up at M & M Steam Bar in Beach Haven (or better known as Long Beach Island). Similar to the fish markets seen in Seattle, M & M featured an open-air setting with fresh lobsters greeting you in several tanks near the entrance. This was the first place were adults would stand by the van and take pictures alongside their kids. We were Food Superstars. OK...maybe not. On to the review.

The soups were phenomenal, particularly both clam chowders. I disliked the spicy swordfish, I needed plenty of water to soothe my tongue. My favorite dish was the king crab legs, which had the perfect amount of seasoning. Raw clams and oysters were ordered but I stayed away from them much like baseball's elite players do the same with the Kansas City Royals. No shrimp was ordered. Yes, I made a mistake.

Finally, we went north (using the Parkway) and stopped near the Holmdel exit. I thought were were going to see Barnes and Barnes at PNC Arts Center. Barnes and Barnes, of course, authored the classic tune "Fish Heads" -- a song that the children of Joe Pendleton enjoy thoroughly.

Instead, we were taken to The Pirate's Cove Restaurant on the Bay. Despite no appearance from Johnny Depp and friends, the Pirates Cove was my favorite stop of the day. It had a very intimate setting along Belford Bay. The seared scallops, which were complemented beautifully with mushrooms, were out of this world. The soups were good but the lobster bisque was topped with lobster that didn't seem like was part of the soup. Although it seemed a tad pricy at $25, the stuffed shrimp was delicious and my favorite of the main entrees. The rice that came with it was the best of any place on the trip with a great mix of onions and flavor. The lobster didn't impress and was rather plain. We were also greeted with a fantastic array of desserts that capped off one of the more entertaining days of the year.

By the end of the trip, it was midnight and there's nothing like driving through Newark (where there were still dozens of people roaming the streets despite being the middle of the night). At one point, I think I had a yellow stream running down my leg.

Maybe it's a good thing I lost my camera.

While it's not a beer count....I managed to share about 36 HUGE servings of seafood, make 5 trips to the bathroom for "Ogre"-like urinations, travel about 150 miles (conservative estimate), digest about 30 shrimp (or as my students say, "shrimps"), and spend 14 hours "working" for the state's largest newspaper.

Wanted: Honest Politicians

Are there any good-hearted politicians out there?

Prior to my matriculation at Rutgers, I was passionate about politics. Midway through my college career (and just 6 months prior to meeting Joe Pendleton, Jersey Girl, and Dr. Carino), I had the opportunity to attend the Republican Convention in San Diego. It was one of the most amazing experiences of my life. At the time, I was a staunch Republican (4 years in education has changed many of my views on certain issues).

Bob Dole, who had about as much of a chance of winning the presidency as I have of claiming a LeBron James Look Alike title, was the party nominee. But I was more into all of the shtick surrounding the festivities.

I had pictures/video taken with Newt Gingrich, who had about as many backers as Barry Bonds has currently, former SNLer Al Franken, and Steve Forbes.....a man whose ATM Pin number I would like to have in my possession (or even 0.000000000001 % of his checking account). On another note, I also met Jim Brown at the San Diego Zoo...and yes, he was wearing his little skull cap. He did not ask me if I knew of any available acting gigs.

The highlight of the trip was a 1 minute meeting with my childhood idol (no, not Pee Wee Herman.....although my mother might think differently) Dana Carvey. Carvey, who had his H. Ross Perot getup working, was strolling behind the media section when I strolled up to him and fired out my own Perot voice. It was my comedic peak.....it's been all downhill from there. So much for being Comedy's Crown Jew.

Once I became a junior, my interest in politics started to wane. One of the big reasons was corruption. How was I expected to try to enter this world when it was filled with nothing but scumbags? Granted there are some honest politicians and our system might be the best in the world, but issues don't seem to carry much weight. Money talks and the media can make or break a politician's career. Just ask Howard Dean. His howl heard 'round the world (or at least around Nebraska....and South Dakota.....and New Jersey......and Texas) following the 2004 Iowa Caucuses killed his chance for the top office in the world.

This week, a story hit that reminded me of why I didn't go into politics. Former Mayor Sharpe James was hit with indictments including various forms of federal corruption. After stories leaked of stolen computers when he lost his election to Cory Booker, it didn't take a brain surgeon to figure out this guy was doing some shady stuff in office.

So, Sharpe posted $250,000 bail yesterday and instead of just laying low, he decided to drum up his own P.R. campaign as mentioned in this tale.

My favorite part.....One day after being accused of taking hundreds of thousands of dollars from the city and state, the former mayor was stopped on public transportation....

Hours after he posted $250,000 bail, James was seen Thursday night riding an NJ Transit bus along Elizabeth Avenue, greeting fellow passengers and complaining about how he was treated during his arrest. A fellow passenger paid James' fare -- James promised to pay him back.

You must be kidding me. The guy has a better chance of getting $1.20 from Lady Bird Johnson than seeing that fare returned to him.

Two weeks till the Munchmobile. Man, the summer is flying by.....