What is "Old"?

So it's been a little while since I posted. Come to think of it maybe it's not SO long ago. September of 2009, right? It's not like we have a new president, and the weather is pretty much the same as when I last posted. The Knicks are still terrible and unemployment is still at an alarming rate.

Maybe we're not that much different in eight months. One thing's for sure...we've all aged. Well, unless you're Joan Rivers. Even Ponce de Leon is jealous.

Which begs me to ask the age-old question....what is "old" anyway?

Me: Wow....that song you're listening to...Forever Young. That was my high school prom song.

Student: Really? With Jay-Z?

Me: Uhh....not exactly.

Oh boy.

For some old is entirely a matter of perspective. An 11 year old might not consider himself old but what about a 5 year old referring to that same 11 year old? Is Jack LaLanne old? The guy probably has a healthier interior than many 30 year olds I know, especially ones on the McDonald's diet. Jack's 95 years old. That means he's just 5 years away from getting the Willard Scott treatment.

Hilda Lacroix is 110 years old? ONE HUNDRED TEN? If I were that age, I'm thinking the only words out out of my mouth at that point are "Please kill me. Now." Maybe Hilda isn't really that old? It's possible that she goes out to fist pump at the local senior clubs and enjoys listening to Ke$ha and Lady Gaga on her iPod in between shots of Metamucil and seriously large doses of Vicodin. Right?

When are we old?

Are we old when we start to feel pain on a regular basis?

Are we old during our first appearance of gray hair (or in some cases, no hair at all)?

Are we old when the candles on our birthday cakes can illuminate the entire Prudential Center?

Are we old when our age no long appears on a standard combination lock? Thankfully, I'm not there....yet.

Are we old when dirt starts to look young?

Next week the new national grandmother, Betty White, become one of the oldest people to host Saturday Night Live when she leads a special Mother's Day edition of the program. She's 88 years old and only one other person could truly make the argument that Ms. White is "young" in years. SNL Announcer Don Pardo is 92.

To give you an idea how old Pardo is when he was born World War I was still in the process of being fought and the Red Sox were still months away from capturing their last title in 86 years.

I met Mr. Pardo 2 years ago during a taping of SNL. I told him he was a living legend and remembered from his job introducing the NBC New York news when I was a kid. I don't know if he heard a word I said, but he did tell me, "You are going to see a GRRRRREAT show!" Was Don Pardo kidnapped and replaced by the tiger from the Frosted Flakes commercial?

Where was I? Oh yeah, "old." Just like the saying, "Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder (or beholder whatever your tolerance for alcoholic beverages may be)" there really is no set definition for old. You can LOOK old but if you're a kid at heart, then you're not REALLY old. Unless you're a 21 year old kid at heart and you're looking from the vantage point of a teenager.

Plenty of educators and township personnel are considering retirements due to the pressures set forth by the new governor of New Jersey. Some may put them in the "OLD" group after their 25+ years of service. But I'm sure we'll see who gets the last laugh when they're basking in the sun on the golf course or relaxing on a cruise to Europe.

Maybe getting old isn't so bad after all.

See you in another 8 months. We'll all be a little bit older.

Or will we?