And What Can I Tell You

What is "Old"?

2010-05-01T18:14:00.009-04:00

So it's been a little while since I posted. Come to think of it maybe it's not SO long ago. September of 2009, right? It's not like we have a new president, and the weather is pretty much the same as when I last posted. The Knicks are still terrible and unemployment is still at an alarming rate.

Maybe we're not that much different in eight months. One thing's for sure...we've all aged. Well, unless you're Joan Rivers. Even Ponce de Leon is jealous.

Which begs me to ask the age-old question....what is "old" anyway?

Me: Wow....that song you're listening to...Forever Young. That was my high school prom song.

Student: Really? With Jay-Z?

Me: Uhh....not exactly.

Oh boy.

For some old is entirely a matter of perspective. An 11 year old might not consider himself old but what about a 5 year old referring to that same 11 year old? Is Jack LaLanne old? The guy probably has a healthier interior than many 30 year olds I know, especially ones on the McDonald's diet. Jack's 95 years old. That means he's just 5 years away from getting the Willard Scott treatment.

Hilda Lacroix is 110 years old? ONE HUNDRED TEN? If I were that age, I'm thinking the only words out out of my mouth at that point are "Please kill me. Now." Maybe Hilda isn't really that old? It's possible that she goes out to fist pump at the local senior clubs and enjoys listening to Ke$ha and Lady Gaga on her iPod in between shots of Metamucil and seriously large doses of Vicodin. Right?

When are we old?

Are we old when we start to feel pain on a regular basis?

Are we old during our first appearance of gray hair (or in some cases, no hair at all)?

Are we old when the candles on our birthday cakes can illuminate the entire Prudential Center?

Are we old when our age no long appears on a standard combination lock? Thankfully, I'm not there....yet.

Are we old when dirt starts to look young?

Next week the new national grandmother, Betty White, become one of the oldest people to host Saturday Night Live when she leads a special Mother's Day edition of the program. She's 88 years old and only one other person could truly make the argument that Ms. White is "young" in years. SNL Announcer Don Pardo is 92.

To give you an idea how old Pardo is when he was born World War I was still in the process of being fought and the Red Sox were still months away from capturing their last title in 86 years.

I met Mr. Pardo 2 years ago during a taping of SNL. I told him he was a living legend and remembered from his job introducing the NBC New York news when I was a kid. I don't know if he heard a word I said, but he did tell me, "You are going to see a GRRRRREAT show!" Was Don Pardo kidnapped and replaced by the tiger from the Frosted Flakes commercial?

Where was I? Oh yeah, "old." Just like the saying, "Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder (or beholder whatever your tolerance for alcoholic beverages may be)" there really is no set definition for old. You can LOOK old but if you're a kid at heart, then you're not REALLY old. Unless you're a 21 year old kid at heart and you're looking from the vantage point of a teenager.

Plenty of educators and township personnel are considering retirements due to the pressures set forth by the new governor of New Jersey. Some may put them in the "OLD" group after their 25+ years of service. But I'm sure we'll see who gets the last laugh when they're basking in the sun on the golf course or relaxing on a cruise to Europe.

Maybe getting old isn't so bad after all.

See you in another 8 months. We'll all be a little bit older.

Or will we?

Just Win, Baby

2009-09-05T20:12:00.005-04:00

Rutgers plays Cincinnati on Monday in the biggest season-opening game in recent memory. If the Scarlet Knights lose, it's going to be ugly.

How could anyone put this much into one regular season game? Simple.

1) Up for Grabs: In a Big East Conference with no clear cut favorite (prognosticators have picked any of 4-5 teams to win the league this year....and I think one of them may have selected Don Bosco Prep in error), Rutgers needs to set the tone early and avoid a first half like it experienced last season. Which brings me to point #2....

2) Ugly start, Ugly end: There's nothing like a dismal 1-5 start to have the fans turn against you. Last season, Mike Teel and Kenny Britt proved to be two of the keys to the turnaround. Now with both of them collecting paychecks to play on Sunday (as opposed to many other college players collecting paychecks to play on Saturday....oooooh, did I write that? Whoops!), there aren't many proven go-to players to turn the tide in 2009. Their top offensive player is an offensive lineman. That isn't going to help score TDs, unless Greg Schiano petitions the NCAA to legalize the fumblerooski. Plus, fans want a BCS bowl or something close to it this season. Yes, Rutgers is only 7 years removed from football purgatory, but no more obscure pizza bowls in obscure locations. A 7-win season isn't going to get anyone that excited...especially when two of the wins are against mediocre I-AA teams.

3) If you build it, it should come: Tons of dollars have been put into this program and fans want a winner. More seats were added and the coach is getting enough money to feed those in Third World Countries and create a new problem...obesity. With the addition of new seats and the AD completely in Schiano's pocket, it's time for Rutgers to do better than 3rd in the conference. A sold out crowd will be watching along with other Rutgers fans and critics...it's a must win baby.

Prediction: Rutgers is dealing with some issues at the skill positions....there's no clear cut go-to WRs or RBs and the QB is inexperienced. When all things are even and in this case, it's close...Rutgers is more sound defensively than the Bearcats, which is looking to fill 10 vacancies (that's more openings than the coaching will make a difference. Cincy 24-20. Yes, it pains me to write that...and that's because I think I may have tweaked my ankle on a run this evening.

My predictions...

Cincinnati L
Howard W
Florida International W
at Maryland L
Texas Southern W
Pittsburgh W
at Army W
at Connecticut L
South Florida W
at Syracuse W
at Louisville W
West Virginia L

Rutgers finishes 8-4. I was tempted to give Rutgers a loss to Syracuse. The Orange looked decent today and could be a tough play on the road late in the season. Still, my hatred for Eric Devendorf was too great and I had to stick a "W" up there. With almost no non-conference powerhouses and a down year for the Big East, this is quite a cupcake schedule.

Other thoughts:

Since when did country music become the soundtrack for college football? I know plenty of teams in the SEC have been dominant but everywhere you look there's another dude with a banjo and tall hat belting out tunes on ESPN and ABC. I'm sure sales of Skoal skyrocket every Saturday.

I went to Washington D.C. for a White House tour this week. You know the saying, "A few rotten apples spoil the whole bunch"? Well, that's definitely true for Obama's residence. The tour was ok but thanks to those who try to attack this country for everything great that we have to offer, there were more restrictions than the security line at Newark Liberty Airport. No weapons (makes sense), no pens (huh?), no cameras (are you kidding me?). Since 9/11 it's almost like we're prisoners in our own country. It was great to see history and I am grateful for it, but with most of the rooms roped off like the multiplex on the other side of town, I just wish I could have had a closer look at history. Maybe I should just run for president and get better access (and take about 30 years off my life).

On the subject of president, when did a speech about education create such an uproar? President Obama is planning on speaking to the students of this country and reinforce the message of the importance of an education and staying in school. His opponents and plenty of outraged parents are speaking out against the speech, threatening to keep students home if the speech is broadcast in their schools. Are you serious? The flu bug, a bomb threat, a religious holiday, heck even the release of a Spike Lee movie might be better reasons to prevent a child from going to school. I think the idea of an Obama speech would be a welcome presentation for many of those students who hold Obama in high regard and don't consider school a priority in their lives. If he reaches even one kid, then the speech has done it's job. Regardless of how you feel about Obama's policies, his message could really resonate with the youth who have felt as though they have a connection with him.

Random unless scheduling item: George Washington University's men's basketball team hosts Oregon State 2 days after Thanksgiving. Oregon State is coached by Obama's brother in law, Craig Robinson. You think the OSU team will be invited for the holiday meal or will it be only the family at the White House? Roeland Schaftenaar wants to know.

Happy Labor Day, which is a nice way of saying, "Summer's over, days get shorter, time to get depressed!"

Bold Eagles

2009-08-16T20:24:00.006-04:00

"The average dog is a nicer person than the average person." ~Andy Rooney

Falcons, Eagles....not so bad. Dogs? Well, that's another story.

I guess you can't really say Michael Vick isn't an animal lover. He seemed to enjoy his time with both of his bird teams. Canines appeared to bring out another side for the man from Virginia.

Unless you've been under a rock for the past 2 years, Vick admitted to participating in an illegal dogfighting ring, leading to a 23 moth sentence (of which only 18 months were served due to good behavior). Evidentally, he was a man's best friend in prison...if you know what I mean. This week, the Philadelphia Eagles signed Vick to a contract, prompting uproars from all sorts of animal friendly groups. Why am I surprised he wasn't signed by the Browns and their Dawg Pound?

This country LOVES a good debate and Vick's current situation gives everyone a chance to throw their opinion out there...should the Eagles (or any NFL team for that matter) have signed Vick to a contract?

Let me preface this by saying I am a NY Giants fan and the thought of Vick on the field doesn't exactly make me happy. The GMen has a new defensive coordinator and the Brian Westbrook-Donovan McNabb-Vick trio could bring one of the speediest backfields in the league. Plus, you figure McNabb is going to be hurt at some point in the season (after all, he is 231 in dog years) and I'd much rather see Kevin Kolb or A.J. Feeley throwing long interceptions than Mr. Vick scamper around like a wild puppy.

Yes, I'm terrible.

But not as bad as Vick, who didn't exactly grow up in a model environment. Vick's parents held several jobs, raising the family in an impoverished neighborhood in Virginia. His brother, also a player at Virginia Tech, was constantly in trouble with the law from charges of brandishing a firearm to molestation of a minor to a DUI charge. While Michael shouldn't be branded with the behavior of his brother, it does help illustrate the enivornment in which he was raised.

When you think of what Vick did to these animals....and keep in mind, these were not PEOPLE. They were dogs, and while dogs are held in high regard by many in this country, they should take a backseat to human life. Yes, I realize some people like to throw a cute outfit on their dogs and dress them up like they're going out for a night on the town, and then all is brought right back to reality when they sit Fido down to enjoy a nice can of slop, followed by a sniff of his own genitals.

"Don't stain the dog tuxedo shirt!"

If there was a list of animals with a rating of how precious they are dogs would be somewhere near the top. It might look like this: ants, spiders, centipedes, bin Laden, frogs, deer, Red Sox fans, bunnies, cats/dogs, and people (had to go with the slash between cats and dogs because my mom will likely read this and there's nothing like trying to deal with an angry Jewish mother).

What he did was reprehensible. To think of electrocuting any living thing, especially a dog, makes you wonder about someone's character. He had no regard for something crying out in pain and went on with the torture. That tells me a lot about him as a person. Maybe he was conditioned to be oblivious to the dog's feelings. Is he the same way around some groups of people?

Which gets me to my point...even though Vick did a gruesome series of acts, he served his time in jail as a punishment and was readmitted to the league. He should be allowed to get his life back together. Like I stated before, he didn't murder people. He killed dogs and there should be a line between the two groups. Remember the word is "DOG" and not the reverse. I don't have a problem with the Eagles signing him, but it's a question of what he's going to do from this point on. Is he going to be a model citizen? Will he make attempts to show remorse for his acts of animal cruelty?

I'm not thrilled the Eagles signed him for competitive reasons, but he should be given a second chance to get his life on the right track. They say that all dogs go to heaven.

Will Michael Vick?

The King Has Popped

2009-06-26T10:06:00.009-04:00

Yes, Michael...."this is it."

What a crazy week it's been for celebrity newscasts. Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett left the building (even though I thought Jackson died after that awful "Invincible" album). I wonder if the Governor of South Carolina, Mark Sanford, will be sending thank you letters to each of their estates for stealing the spotlight from him. Don't get me wrong, the guy is a moron. There are 50 governors in this country and I'm wondering if they ever talk to each other.

I think if a Governor is sworn in, he should be handed a guidebook with a list of rules. It would be like Fight Club. Rule 1: DON'T HAVE AN AFFAIR. Rule 2: DON'T SLEEP WITH OTHERS WHO ARE NOT YOUR WIFE. Rule 3: See rules 1 and 2. Rule 4: DON'T GO OVER 85 MPH IN A CAR WITHOUT A SEATBELT.

Maybe that's just in New Jersey.

So, the search began for this mistress.....Maria Belen Chapur. No photos on the web as of yet, but this video was posted. I kind of wished I paid more attention to Senora Albano in high school spanish and learned how to say more than just "Donde esta el bano?". Just like Gary Condit was removed from the public eye after 9/11, I'm guessing that will be the case in the short term for Gov. Sanford.

I remember Michael Jackson when I was growing up as the most popular person in the world. People would cry in the streets outside his hotels (I thought they were all slicing onions). His fashion sense was a little off the wall (parachute pants? 10 zippers on a jacket?), but still people copied him. The one-glove look became a Halloween fixture (just ask my brother...even though he probably won't admit it). Heterosexuals wore leather proudly. Obviously, he had quite the effect.

Even though the SARS-or swine flu-like Asian face covering never really caught on probably like he would have liked.

A million people bought tickets to his tour next month in London (well, maybe 50 shows in London wouldn't be considered much of a "tour"...more like a "stay"). Either way, I remember when Frank Sinatra died and saw the endless television programs about his life and the effect he had on a generation. Now, I understand what they went through because Michael had a similar dominance over my generation. MTV was still a fledgling station and he turned it into his personal medium. With the internet still over a decade away, audiences tuned in for their chance to see the "Thriller" music video and get a glimpse of the new music revolution. And who could forget the endless jokes about burnt hair during a Pepsi commercial or his endless court cases?

Q: What did the woman say to Michael Jackson on the beach?

A: Excuse me, but could you please get out of my son?

While there were many strange rememberances of the King of Pop, I must admit seeing Akon get interviewed from New Mexico was a little weird. Of all the places to find the artist who sang "Locked Up", "Mama Africa" "Gangsta" and "I Want to Love You (but the word "Love" was replaced with another 4-letter word), Albuquerque wouldn't be among my top 1000 guesses.

In other news....I went with the Sandman to see the new musical "Rock of Ages". Going into the show, I wasn't expecting much but it really surpassed my expectations. Despite the onslaught of mullets, the music was amazing and there was plenty of shtick throughout the show. There was even a line that referenced my birthdate, April 14th. I would see it again in a second. If you're a fan of those 80s bands, get a ticket.

This year's Pancreatic Cancer Picnic is scheduled for Oct. 11th at the Deutscher Club in Clark, NJ. More info to come!

2009-03-12T23:57:00.006-04:00

Today was another sad day for the newspaper industry. A double whammy, in fact.

The Star Ledger announced plans for a 10 day furlough, which is basically a period of unpaid leave, and stop contributions to the paper's employee pension plan. While reading that story, I saw the Ann Arbor News (a publication for which two of my friends have toiled or currently toil) plans on ending its daily print edition - opting to go with an online format.

I spent about 6 years of my life considering a full-time job in the newspaper industry. Fortunately, my sense of humor that newspaper brass tended to take the wrong way and inability to become a seasoned and prolific writer (partly because lack of desire but also due to constant mental frustration....trying to become the next Mike Lupica when I should have tried to been the first "Joker"). While I still freelance here and there, this news really hit home.

Newspapers have always been a HUGE part of my life. When I was in middle school, I watched my brother deliver the Daily Journal and filled in for him from time to time (which eventually became everyday). My hands smelled like rubberband and newspaper ink....not exactly a combination that lured the ladies. I remember mentally cursing out the people on my route who didn't tip (or rounded up on the dollar and gave me 40 cents for 2 weeks worth of work). They left me poor and scarred for life. One of my first words in Spanish was "periodico."

Not sure what that's supposed to mean.

Now the internet has brought instant news in our lifes and attributed to the slow death of newspapers. I can't imagine the world without opening a paper to read All Area capsules...or local letters to the editor....or check the lottery numbers to see if my mother was a millionaire (I'm still waiting for her to be a hundredaire).......or stare at Bracket Boy's mug. Wow....never thought I'd write that.

What will the future bring? Are we going to have people with video cameras installed in their heads, recording every move to place on the internet for a video story? Will there continue to be a need for journalists? The only good thing to come out of this may be a name change for the New Jersey Sportswriters Association to the NJ Sportsmedia Association. Hell might have to freeze over for that to happen...

Leave it to my mom to put this all in another perspective.

"If the Star Ledger folds, what am I going to use to line the kitty litter with?"

March Madness is one of the best times of year for a sportsfan. The search for cinderella. I'd say I have seen about 50 or so college basketball games this year but that doesn't mean I'm an expert at picking games. Then again, who is?

Case in point: I'm in a pool at work...a pool that I have finished in the top 3 twice over the past 4 years. I spent about 10 minutes filling out a bracket with theories that have paid off for me in the past (never go with the Big Ten or Big East Tourney Champions.....try to stay away from teams who have lost a key player within the past month....pick at least one 12 seed to make the round of 32....never go with a New Jersey school....not a difficult choice this year).

When I got to work today, I wasn't in the lead. I can partially thank the wisdom I took from the good doctor. "West Virginia is going to be one tough out in the tournament." Not so good, AL. No, the leader was a woman who watches very little college basketball....and, adding more salt to my wound, is a big Seton Hall fan.

Me: Wow....congrats on your great performance in the pool.

Woman: Thanks!

Me: What teams did you get wrong?

Woman: Missouri and Purdue.

Me: Wait.....you picked Arizona?

Woman: Yeah.

Me: How did you get Arizona right?

Woman: Well, I looked at the teams and picked the ones that were in places I'd like to go on vacation.

I'm not even kidding.

Other absurdities to ponder:

Anyone know why Siena College's colors don't include "siena"?

How does Steve F. Austin have an NCAA Tourney caliber basketball team but no wrestling program?

I was sorry to hear about the loss of Natasha Richardson, and saw numerous stories about her tragic injury....but not a peep about the death of Bill Buchanan. What a travesty.

Memo to new Big East Commish John Marinatto: maybe it's time to treat the Big East like Italian soccer and cut the bottom 3 teams. Maybe send Rutgers, South Florida and DePaul to the A-10 and promote Xavier and Temple? Better yet, put them in Division 3. I'd love to see a Rutgers/TCNJ matchup.

There are many reasons why I refrain from telling people I graduated from Rutgers. The basketball team, the Terry Shea football regime, RU Screw...

Now I can add this to the list.

My new addiction: Mafia Wars on Facebook. Will you please join my mafia and help me loot and rob other cyber criminals for mindless fun? I didn't think so.

The City That Never Sleeps

2009-02-08T22:18:00.008-05:00

It was a mixed weekend for me. I made the trek to the largest city in the country to visit E. That is always a good time. Well, unless you're thumb wrestling on a small dinner table, leading to the spillage of a glass of water on the patron sitting to your right. Sorry, sir. At least it wasn't the swiss marshmallow hot chocolate.

I don't like to drive to the Big Apple. Sure, it's easier than ever before...with a GPS practically spoon-feeding you directions to your destination, even Ray Charles could make the trip. And that's not just because he's blind.....or dead for that matter. I just like to avoid drivers who are ready to take me off the road. As my brother says, "Cab drivers are proof that practice does not make perfect."

Taking the train from Metropark, I sat behind a guy in his early 20s who was talking to his friend. I find it interesting that even in public, people have to drop the F-bomb constantly to get their point across. Couldn't believe the filth, flarn, filth being uttered by this kid.

So, his phone rings and he answers the call.

Guy: "Hello......what? No way! No F&*(in way!!! I got the job!!! I can't believe this!!! That's awesome! OK, I'll call them later in the week."

Was he shocked to be the only one in this economy actually to be getting a job? No, he was accepting his first job. And oh, a fun one at that. He just learned that he was going to be a summer cop in Seaside Heights. I think I'd rather be an officer in Camden with a uniform covered by $100 bills, but that's just me.

Since he was speaking at a level that rivaled a Metallica concert, I overheard him chatting with his friend alongside him. Among the requirements for his job interview?

"I had to do 5 pull ups and run a mile. I'm not even sure I had to complete the mile."

I guess you don't have to be nimble to run down a Mustang with black lights along the Boulevard.

When I arrived at the train station, I spotted a large group of people staring endlessly upwards. Was someone getting mugged on the ceiling? No, they were just waiting for their track destination. And when that does pop up on the board like one of those goofy heads you try and slap down at Chuck E Cheese, people LOVE to charge toward the track like the train conductor is giving out rolls of $20 bills. There's no regard for life. Settle down people. Let's not run down the old lady with the Duane Reade bag, so we can get monopolize that double-seat for the 15 min ride to Newark.

While we're on the subject of NYC, I'm wondering why every pizza place needs to have a photograph from one or more of the following movies: Godfather, Goodfellas, Heat, Raging Bull? Does this mean the tomato sauce is Bobby DeNiro approved? I enjoy these photos even more when the people who own the restaurant are from Middle Eastern decent. Do they even know who Al Pacino is? And if Joe Pesci walks in, does he get a discount? I mean, the guy hasn't worked in like 10 years. He needs to eat, too.

I took an early train back to NJ for the Rutgers/Seton Hall basketball game with the Local Shill. I figured there was NO way the Pirates would sweep the series this year. Both teams are awful and Rutgers was at home. Oh boy, I was wrong.

I probably should have stayed in the city and not showed up for the game. JR Inman and the rest of the team surely did.

In order to prevent myself from putting my fist through my laptop, I won't get into details of the 65-60 loss. I'm just curious if a team that's 1-17 in the Big East can keep it's coach.

Stench movie of the week: The Rocker. No, this movie isn't about some old lady in a chair or a pitcher who likes to use profanity on the subway OR Michael J. Fox's autobiographical story (even I'M ashamed I went there).

Rainn Wilson (The Office) could have done one of the greatest acting jobs in the history of cinema and this movie STILL would have sucked. Drummer leaves band, drummer works in corporate world, drummer joins 3 teens to start band. One sign that I'm getting old: Christina Applegate is playing a mom in this flick. I always had her pegged as the older Bundy kid in "Married With Children" but I guess you can't pull a "Simpsons" and stay youthful and in that role forever.

Happy Valentine's Day and Presidents Day to all. Don't forget to kiss an Obama.

What's in Store for Ought-9?

2009-01-02T15:41:00.008-05:00

We've crossed the bridge from 2008 into 2009 and most people are happy about the change. Yeah, the ecomony is in the dumps and people are depressed (and it's not because Kelly Pickler sent people into seizures during Dick Clark's Rockin' Eve) but there's nothing like wiping the slate clean and trying to screw up another year!

So....here it is.....the Joker's Predictions for 2009.

The New York Knicks will finish 10 games under .500 and fans will rejoice due to the progress. No, not the wins-loss record but the fact the head coach didn't try to kill himself in the process.

Trying to get public sentiment on his side, George W. Bush starts hanging around Bernie Madoff. After eliminating term limits on his final day in office, Bush's approval rates inprove dramatically and he starts his campaign for President in 2012.

Some marketing genius will dominate the sandwich market with a $4.99 footlong (along with a catchy jingle that will terrorize adults in their sleep).

Plaxico Burress starts a sweatpants-making company. All sweatpants come in one color (red) and have 10 pockets to store any and all loose items.

USC will dominate Penn State 38-24 in the Rose Bowl, bringing people to question if the Big 10 is truly overrated. (Had to make sure I got one of these right).

Despite the loss, Joe Paterno signs a 10-year deal to coach Penn State. In his contract is a clause that states, "Should Mr. Paterno die, he should be held up by a graduate assistant (ala Weekend at Bernie's) and serve as the figurehead for the squad until his contract expires or he is cloned."

ARod breaks up with Madonna for good and begins dating Tiffany, Debbie Gibson, and Lita Ford (not necessarily in that order)

Brett Favre opts to play another season for the Jets. One of the New York newspapers put the "F" word in a headline. Some people are upset but most feel it's warranted.

March 14, 2009: LocalShill and Mrs. Shill give birth to a happy and healthy baby boy. "Derek Favre Shill" weighs 7-lbs., 10-ounces and ends the year with his first words "Boeheim sucks" Mrs. Shill is not amused.

In an effort to get people to watch the NHL, Gary Bettman sends checks to sports fans throughout the country. Thinking they are rebate checks from the US Government, fans use them to purchase DirecTv units so they can purchase the NFL package in the fall. NHL folds.

The economy sinks even deeper, leading the government to bailout every living citizen (and a few pets who can pass key obedience tests).

Rod Blagojevich steps down and is blackballed from political office. He creates his own line of children's dolls that become the hottest gifts for Christmas 2009. All dolls, of course, are made from the former governor's real hair.

Adults are polled in May 2009 and asked, "Who is Sarah Palin?" Most common responses: "Isn't she the chick from 40 Rock?" and "Who? Get out of my face, chump!"

The Detroit Lions win the Super Bowl....OK, maybe that's not too realistic....the Lions win the NFC North....OK, the Lions have a winning record....OK, the Lions win their Thanksgiving game. Yeah, not a good call. How about the Lions field a team (of course, they're coached by Shaquille White, an 18-year-old high school graduate who has never coached a game in his life but does dominate in "coach" mode in Madden 2008 for Playstation 2. His biggest selling points....a salary of less than $40,000 and back-to-back wins over the Packers.

My retirement account loses $5k but that's looked as an improvement. The Joker is more than thrilled.

The American Idol competition is won by Billy Idol (which makes sense). He is promptly dethroned for showing up drunk on the summer tour and singing a new version of "Mony Mony", which he calls "Horny, Horny" and sells millions of copies on iTunes.

And on that note....Hope everyone has a great 2009!

N.F.L. Disasters

2008-12-22T19:34:00.004-05:00

Could there be more train wrecks in a sport than the NFL? Broncos, Jets, Cardinals, Eagles, Cowboys.....it seems like there are a growing number of teams that are trying to back their way into the playoffs or are trying to back their way OUT of the playoffs. After a 47-7 walloping at New England Sunday, Arizona is proving that the NFC West might be one of the weakest divisions in years.

I'm thinking the winner of the Chargers/Broncos game should have to participate in a play-in game to qualify for the NFL postseason. If the NCAA Tourney can do it, why not the NFL? Are there any football fields in Dayton?

Which brings me to wonder.....since when did the NFL playoffs change its name to the "tournament"? I've heard at least three NFL coaches refer to the Road to the Super Bowl as that. Here's hoping Billy Packer won't be doing play-by-play.

Lions coach Rod Marinelli has some resume. Makes Terry Shea look like Don Shula. Recently, I joined what could be the greatest sports website ever. It's called Centsports and you can gamble for free. I've been figuring the Lions are going to end their streak at SOME point. Well, I've been off the mark and missed some of those bets. Still, my high point is $12....don't even try to beat that. Click here and get started.

I'm happy the Giants won last night against the Panthers but with the way the GMen played on the road last year, I'm a little worried with the whole "Home Field Advantage" this season.

Happy Hanukkah and Merry Christmas to all. For those longing for a sequel to the Adam Sandler Hannkuah song, enjoy these celebrities who are members of the Tribe.

Is McCain Able? Probably not.

2008-11-04T18:37:00.008-05:00

What do Baby Jessica, Peter McNeeley, and John McCain have in common?

All three have been or will be eliminated from the public's consciousness at some point after the media's spotlight. That is if the prognosticators are correct (and the betting lines that had Obama a 12-1 favorite as of yesterday afternoon).

As they say in China, Welcome to Erection Night!

Whatever your feelings on each candidate, history will be made tonight.

This may be the 3rd most noteworthy Presidental election in this nation's 232 year history (Washington and Lincoln may take the prizes for tops...but that is debatable). Think about it.

150 years ago there were 31 million people in America....4 million of them (13 percent) were slaves. Now, you may have an African-American in the most popular position in the world.

A large number of people are going to the voting booth for the first time EVER. I'm not saying all of these people are aware of the issues or even who the candidates are, but they're participating in the process and that's what a democracy is all about. We are a very diverse nation and every American should play a part regardless of how small a percentage their vote (or in some sections of the country "votes") matter.

Hasn't the Republican Party learned over the past 50 years how important the media has become? From Nixon in 1960 to Dole in 1996 to McCain in 2008, appearance means everything. McCain is a very intelligent man and a hero for his service to this country, but people want a president that's physically appealing. McCain looked robotic and his slight anger problem didn't help his cause at all.

One of the biggest losers in all of this might be the city of Newark. Expect Corey Booker to take a spot in the Obama administration, leaving the mayoral position vacant. Will the city be able to fill it with someone who can help an area in turmoil?

My prediction: Sen. Frank Lautenberg will win in NJ and then resign. He'll prompt give his job to Dennis Miller, thus fulfilling the national goal of having a former SNL actor serve in the Senate in every state in the union.

Some other quick thoughts:

When every bank is eventually bought out by Bank of America, will every stadium/field/arena be called Bank of America Field?

There was definitely a void in the election coverage without Tim Russert. The guy was so passionate about politics and really got into nights like tonight.

For those who listen to AM radio, I'm thinking the Cars for Kids campaign should spend a little less money on ads and more on the kids. We know you're out there and if we have an extra car to throw around, it's all yours. That jingle has broken me out in cold sweats on a regular basis.

Quick way to make small amounts of money? Check this site out. 20 minutes for $3. I'm hoping to parlay that into a 19 inch tv set on Black Friday.

If McCain loses, will we still be his "friends"?

I've turned on Fox News Channel twice in the past 2 months and each time an interviewer was yelling at the guest. Don't get me wrong, I watched the entire interview but that doesn't make it right. Case in point, I watched the entire video of Britany Spears getting her head shaved....also not very rewarding. But I watched the whole thing.

How long until Sarah Palin gets her own talk show? She might be better off losing this one.

Joe the Plumber might never speak on camera again. The guy has no license and allegedly owed money in back taxes. Tough break. Then again, maybe he can get a plumbing talk show off the ground.

I'd love to see Hillary Clinton's ballot. I'm betting she's writing herself in for president.

Barack Obama called for a playoff system in college football. Not even someone running for the most powerful position in the world has a shot of getting that together. You can thank the Rose Bowl presented by Citi (soon to be Rose Bowl presented by Bank of America) for that one.

Just finalized a trip to UNC Dec. 28th to go to the Dean Dome to see Rutgers lose by 40 to the eventual national champs. Could you imagine if they pulled the upset?

And then you remember it's Rutgers basketball and they don't upset teams. They only get upset.

Nevermind.

Lastly, November is Pancreatic Cancer Awareness month. Don't forget to wear purple Nov. 14th!

Dining Out for Pancreatic Cancer Action Network

2008-10-09T14:21:00.002-04:00

I apologize for not putting the Yankees Stadium final game highlights up on here yet.....hopefully, I will. I've been busy with some things...one of which is the pancreatic cancer charity with which I am involved.

On Monday Oct. 13th, we will be having a fundraiser at the Windsor Diner.

The New Jersey Affiliate of the Pancreatic Cancer Action Network invites you to Dining Out for Pancreatic Cancer this Monday, October 13, 2008. Join us at the Windsor Diner in Clark to enjoy great food while creating awareness, raising funds and meeting others who share the same goal: to find a cure for pancreatic cancer!
The Windsor Diner will donate 10% of your bill to the Pancreatic Cancer Action Network from 4:00 p.m. to 8:00 p.m. this Monday When you arrive, take a flyer and give it to your server.

We all have to eat, so do it and raise money for this great charity!!!

Here is the Facebook event invite. If you haven't joined Facebook already....what are you waiting for???

Greatest Weekend EVER Part I

2008-09-22T19:19:00.011-04:00

Plenty of things have changed over the last 20+ years. I've lived in 7 different places, grown a little (hey, even the Lollipop Guild had some vertical achievements during childhood), lost close relatives, developed an affinity for mushrooms (no Sandman....not THOSE mushrooms), became, as my brother would say, "follically impaired", and went through more suits at Wyatt and Koss (a store my mom used to take us to purchase suits in nearby Westfield with this elderly fellow who reminds me of a flamboyant Chevy Chase...the OLD Chevy Chase...not the one who used to make us laugh).

It brought new meaning to the name "Dr. Rosenpenis".

One constant has been my passion for Saturday Night Live. I finally attended my first live taping on Sept. 20th. It was unbelievable.

We were instructed to get to NBC's Rockefeller Plaza Studio at 10:15 and ask for a uniformed page. If it was up to me, I would have been there at 10:15 AM but I didn't want to seem like I was stalking the cast....even if I was.

We were told to wait by a roped off area for further instructions. Former Yankees pitcher David Wells walked through the front door (no Babe Ruth cap, but a dark goatee that made me wonder if my friend Dbag's facial hair is actually in style.....nah). I didn't see any other celebrities walk in but I did see some dude rocking the Paul Simon bowtie. Now I have the fashion sense of an 85-year-old great grandfather in Naples, Fla., but even I know that's not in style.

It wasn't until about 10:45 when tickets were finally being issued. Both parties in front of E and me were instructed to go to the elevator and head to the 9th floor. When we got to the front of the line, the woman asked an intern to escort us to the 8th floor. For the first time since I won the prized Faculty Award at Arthur L. Johnson Regional High School, I was a V.I.P.

Well, for the next 2 hours at least.

I asked an usher if we were allowed to take pictures. He laughed and told me absolutely not. So all of my memories of this event would have to be in my mind. And for those who know me, my memory is fading faster than the Cleveland Browns (with apologies to my two Browns readers).

We were taken to a long hallway with which I was familiar. It usually pops up about 2 times each season. The hallway was flanked by signed potraits of former hosts: Chevy Chase, David Schwimmer, Steve Martin, Brittany Murphy, and well....there goes the memory).

The musical guest, King of Leon, had its dressing room was right next to us. Had it been Metallica, I might have been more fired up. Without the nameplate on the door, I would have figured these guys were part of an NBC sponsored Jews for Jesus convention.

I'm sure GE would have embraced that.

The line, which probably had about 30 people in it, started moving and we were standing in front of the main stage.....the place were numerous memorable monologues took place:

Michael Jordan's memorable discussion of the products he didn't endorse like Michael Jordan Porn or Michael Jordan feminine pads

Carl Weathers signing about a rainbow in soprano.

Steve Martin belting out a tune stating, "I'm not going to mail it in tonight"

Tom Hanks acceptance in the Five Timers Club.

George Carlin's comedy bit about baseball and football on the inaugural episode....although that was probably in a different studio.

Chevy Chase, Martin and Martin Short (no I wasn't studdering there) doing the Three Amigos salute

...and many many more.

The usher told us to sit near the end of the 3rd row from the stage. The seats were SO much closer than I anticipated and the atmosphere was electric. The stage is pretty much what I expected but the audience in front of the stage was a little smaller than I thought it would be. There were at least 6 mini stages all around us where the sketches would be performed. I thought there would be 3 at most

I looked in front of me and saw legendary announcer Don Pardo looking over his notes. I gave him a thumbs up, and he strolled over to where we were sitting. The guy IS the voice of NBC. The networks shuttles him in from Arizona every weekend and he still does the intro for each and every show.

Did I mention he is 90 years old? Just to put that in perspective......he could be John McCain's father.

I'm talking ancient.

He looked at us and said, "You guys are going to see a GRRRRRRRREAT show!"

Did he say this EVERY week? Or was this legitamately a "GRRRRRRRRREAT" show? Who gave a crap. It was Don "Friggin" Pardo! He could have told me Rutgers still had a shot for the BCS title game and I would have believed him.

Almost.

I thought of taking my cell phone out and having the "Spanning the World" narrator record a "Happy Birthday" message to unveil in four months but I didn't feel like getting thrown out the 8th floor window by my arse and ruining a potentially great evening.

I think that's what happened to SNL alum Victoria Jackson...or at least her career.

Plus, I did consider the sight of the technological advancement that is the cell phone might have stunned Mr. Pardo to the point he had a heart attack leading to a Pete Rose-like lifetime ban from NBC property. That would have seriously dampered my hopes of getting on Deal or No Deal with my long lost twin Howie Mandel.

Kristen Wiig and Fred Armisen performed an original song on vocals and guitar, respectively, and Jason Sudeikis did a little comedy for the audience.

And then 11:30 came before I knew it.

The show kicked off with a skit about John McCain approving inappropriate and messages and a "Live from New York, It's Saturday Night!" opened the credits. I knew there'd be an audience shot and looked for the camera to get my mug on national tv. Unfortunately, the only thing that made the sets in Northern Montana was the top of my shiny head.

Since the whole SNL actor thing never worked out, maybe I can be the real life Mr. Clean? Maybe after I hit the gym....everyday for the next 5 years.

Cameron Diaz made a cameo and was staring right at me for a good 5 minutes. I know we made eye contact. So what her cue cards were directly in front of me? And they had to put two people from the show directly between the cue cards and me so she didn't have to stare at my face for the final 4 minutes of the Cougars skit?

We had a moment.

E had her moment, too. Host James Franco was prepping for his scene and E started waving to him. He waved back and started laughing with her. I thought if this could get us to the after-party, then let them keep going. That didn't happen.

The show ended and I tried to get a photo of me on the stage one last time but I didn't want to end up like this moron at the Yankees game who got to know the long, painful side of a knight stick.

As we walked out, E told me to move quicker because she wanted to catch up to another celebrity...Kirsten Dunst. She wasn't wearing much makeup and didn't more like a spider than the chick from the Spiderman movies.

We got in the same elevator and I know I felt a connection there. I had a tingly feeling in my leg and knew my last shot of joining the afterparty would finally be successful. Then I realized the guy next to me was standing on my foot.

Overall, it was one exciting night that I wish I could experience every weekend. I did hit the final Yankees game at Yankee Stadium and hope to get pics on here from that in the near future.

On a final note, tickets for the Second Annual Picnic for the Pancreatic Cancer Action Network are on sale! It is Oct. 5th at the Deutscher Club in Clark, NJ from 12-4 p.m.

Click on this link to buy a ticket or make a donation!

Thank you for your support!

-- Bartles & Jaymes

A Dream Come True!

2008-09-13T23:04:00.008-04:00

Ever since I was 10 ten years old, I was hooked on Saturday Night Live. It might have been my mom's fascination with the show (thank you, Gilda Radner) or the fact that it was a good excuse to stay up until 1 A.M. on a Saturday night....even as a 5th grader.

When people would ask me what I wanted to do for a living, I told them I was going to be a cast member on the show. Once I interviewed for a desk editor job at a local newspaper. The question was posed to me, "Where do you see yourself in 10 years?"

Now, I did consider the appropriate response, "I hope to be the managing editor of this newspaper." but my parents always taught me not to lie. It's like a commandment, right? After all, I don't want Charlie Heston giving me nightmares in my sleep. So, I told the truth:

"I believe I will be a cast member on Saturday Night Live."

I usually got laughs as a response but since laughs were like gold for me, I didn't seem to mind. (needless to say, I didn't get the job.....Thank God!)

I remember the first episode I ever saw with Mark Harmon...Suzanne Vega of "Luka" fame was the musical host. It was the 1986-87 season. There was a sketch artist skit with Kevin Nealon (along with his real hair back then) and Victoria Jackson (yes, that was when she was employed) that we taped and watched with my family over and over again. The premise of the skit was that the artist (Nealon) would draw pictures on paper with a black oil-like substance that got all over his hands. When he grabbed his subject's face to have them turn her head, he left black marks, which he promptly drew into the sketch.

Yeah, it might not sound great on paper, but in my household it was a riot. As a matter of fact, we STILL recite quotes from that show....along with numerous others.

I taped every episode of the show for almost 10 years. TONS and TONS of VHS tapes were all over my parents' house (along with the old movies my father taped.....I think the ratio of SNL tapes to his tapes were 1:320....you could have built the next Tower of Babel with all of them, which can be purchased for a serious discount....just email my mom...also expect to sit through 2 hours of photos and stories behind them)

Many of my comedic idols came from Saturday Night Live.....Dana Carvey, Mike Myers, Phil Hartman, Adam Sandler, Jon Lovitz, Dennis Miller, Terry Sweeney (no, not really)....and I worked hard to immitate them...especially anything that Carvey did (the first George Bush, a Chinese guy, "Choppin' Broccoli" singer, Ross Perot, etc.). Back in 1996, I actually got to meet Carvey and did a 30 second exchange with him in my Perot voice.

It was one of the highlights of my life. (Well, maybe not the part where I had a yellow stream running down my leg...)

Well, another high point arrives September 20th when I get to watch a live taping of Saturday Night Live....hosted by James Franco (the dude from Spiderman) and musical guest Kings of Leon.

Get that defribrillator ready, NBC. I may have a heart attack.

This has been a wait that's crossed through THREE decades. Reagan was president, gas was under a dollar, Miami Heat was considered to be a description of the weather in South Florida and not an NBA team, Rutgers soccer was on the rise, O.J. Simpson was a well-respected former NFL player, and I had a full head of hair.

My, it's been a long time.

While I don't think I will be able to audition for Lorne Michaels in the 1 hour or so before the show and reach the ultimate goal of being ON the show, this is a close second to that.

I'm very fired up.

Some things I have been pondering for the past few days.

A caller on ESPN radio had the perfect solution to the new GIANTS Stadium naming rights. Could there be anything better than "JetBlue Stadium"? I just wonder what that would do to baggage costs.

USC is the #1 team in the country. Period.

Who was the biggest winner in the North Carolina/Rutgers game? Easy. It was Michigan.

Do you think anyone is ever going to name their kid "Ike" again? I know "Katrina" is off the list. Shouldn't "Adolf" be used at some point?

I got a ticket for the Metallica concert in February 2009. This is not good for my already failing hearing issues.

Lastly, the Pancreatic Cancer Action Network (formerly Pancan) is holding the Second Annual Picnic for the Pancreatic Cancer Action Network on October 5th at the Deutscher Club in Clark, NJ. The event features a face painter, luncheon, pumpkin painting, music, door prizes, and more! Tickets are $30 each if you purchase them online ($35 at the door). Donations are welcome as well. Please click on this link for more information.

My father passed away from pancreatic cancer 6+ years ago, and I am doing whatever I can to try to prevent myself and others from going through a similar fate. There is no early detection method and the survivor rate is very low.

Please help and make a difference!

Thank you.

More Stuff from Youth

2008-08-19T21:50:00.003-04:00

I figured since my previous posting dealt with my youth, why not throw this classic Public Service Announcement in.

Who knew Viagra was around in the early 1980s?

Big Smile!

2008-08-18T23:16:00.007-04:00

I recently had a brief discussion with my sister in law, who swiped a can of soda away from my niece at dinner this past weekend. Her feeling was that constant intake of those types of carbonated beverages would lead to cavities, while my contention was lack of brushing and/or treks to the dentist office were more pressing concerns for looking like Mike Tyson by age 19.

My siblings and I were very fortunate to make regular trips to the dentist. It was more than just a checkup....we went to see Dr. Steinberg, an older fellow with eyebrows reminescent of Abe Vigoda in Look Who's Talking. You'd stare at them and wonder if Tarzan was going to swing through the window, latch onto his eyebrows and save me from the agony of the picking of my teeth.

(And while I'm on the topic....Abe Vigoda....dead or alive? No checking imdb.com and cheating, people)

We loved Dr. Steinberg (or as my grandmother used to call him, "Dr. Steinmets"...but to this day, we have no idea why) and he was almost like the crazy uncle we never had. It might have been his humorous but highly inappropriate jokes, where all ethnic groups weren't safe (equality of ripping was encouraged...along with a timely payment of services rendered) or the vast assortment of "Mad" and "Highlights" magazines he had in his waiting room. Does stealing Mad magazines from a doctor's office count as theft? I mean, he was attributing to the literacy of at least one young person.

Just wondering....

The walls looked like they were straight out of the 1970s with a nasty tree pattern that didn't make the experience much more delightful. And who could forget the special times I spent with Mr. Thirsty, the curved white suction-like apparatus that drained my mouth of saliva, nose phlegm and various other liquids around my tongue. It may have been my first attempt at impressions, as I turned this dentist's instrument into my own portable Darth Vader breathing machine. Oh to be age 6 again.

So where am I going with this? Great question. I think of all of the really bad crap I consumed as a child (candy, soda, etc.) and am shocked I didn't have a cavity until my early 20s. The one food product that I loved was cereal. The box bragged about how it was LOADED in vitamins and all this other healthy stuff. What 5 year old really cared about that? For me and for millions of other kids, it was all about taste. Looking back, I am wondering how all of my teeth didn't fall out with the brands I ate on a regular basis:

Cookie Crisp: How can this really be packaged as "cereal"? It was mini COOKIES! While walking through a local Pathmark with E, I saw Cookie Crisp and almost bought a box. Adjacent to that box was Double Chocolate Cookie Crisp with even MORE chocolate. Is this really necessary? Why not just make Coccaine Crisp? Small pieces of crack loaded with all the nutrients needed to get through the day. If you think kids have an ADHD problem now....just wait until we break that brand out.

Lucky Charms: This cereal may have tasted good but it really did a lot to tear apart families. What do I mean by that? Well, my mom went shopping every Sunday morning. She'd open the garage and put about 300 bags filled with groceries on the kitchen floor. I would pretend to help but would be more focused on my ultimate goal: finding the Lucky Charms. Yes, I was a real life leprechaun (maybe that's why I never reached the 5-foot-7 mark). You see, if I grabbed the box before my brother did, I could clean out all of the marshmallows and leave him with the oat-like crap. And there was nothing tastier than the crunchy marshmallows in a new box of LC (which ironically are my brother's initials but he didn't have a shot to get first swipe at this cereal). I won't even get into the effect this cereal had on me running around my neighborhood looking for the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Instant wealth = not happening.

Count Chocula: This was one of my brother's favorites. I liked it not only for the marshmallows but the amazing magic caused when milk was added to a bowl of CC. The cereal was pure chocolate and the milk turned from bland milk to chocolate milk! I was mini-David Copperfield (without the looks or ability to make the Statue of Liberty disappear)! The cartoon in the commercial was kind of frightening and I was a little upset my purchases would be going toward a shady, turd-looking guy in a dungeon but the taste took care of that. It's amazing how much one's taste buds can cause you to go evil.

Frosted Flakes: Come on, Tony the Tiger. You've got a good product....but GRRRRRRR-EAT? I think not.

Fruit Loops/Trix: These cereals kind of fall under the same unbrella -- both hard and fruity (kinda like Richard Simmons). I really felt bad for the rabbit who was made to starve as the kids constantly prevented him from eating the round balls of enjoyment. If I ever turned into an animal rights activist, this could have been looked at as a turning point. Just once can you let the poor rabbit eat?? It was almost like letting Charlie Brown kick the damn football. Can't you see what a mess this kid's life is? And you're making it worse by teasing him and not allowing him to boot the football? This explains the root of all bullying.

Now, as an adult I'm forced to go with the Raisin Bran/Special K/Grape Balls, etc. brands. Not as good as I had as a kid, but as long as sugar is in the top 3 ingredients, then I'm good to go.

FYI, Abe Vigoda....still alive and kicking.

I'm a little frightened to know what his eyebrows look like now.

Tracy Morgan in the hiz-ouse

2008-08-08T17:38:00.001-04:00

This might be the funnest thing I have ever seen on YouTube.

Almost makes me glad that I wasn't in Texas on February 25th or 26th.

Favre Away from Green Bay

2008-08-07T18:25:00.005-04:00

As a Giants fan, I have always considered the Jets a second rate franchise. Their fans are pompous and with no championships in my lifetime, I never understood why any Generation Xers (or Y and Zers) would want to jump on that futile bandwagon.

Now, for the first time I can remember, it's going to be hard to root against that squad.

Unless you're in Minnesota, or Chicago, or Detroit, how can anyone be a Brett Favre hater? Well, I guess in Detroit the hatred is more focused toward the GM and his staff.....and well, the fact they're in Detroit.

The guy always gives his all and is always in the lineup. For fantasy football players, the guy is a gem.....you never have to worry about his status prior to game time (although you may have to worry about the 4 interceptions he's going to toss to the opposition's secondary).

Some people have said this is the wrong move for the Jets. He's old and had an abyssmal 2006 season. But he's a BIG name and that goes a long way in New York. He brings instant credibility and puts the Jets in line for a playoff spot.

Time will tell, but he's going to inject more enthusiasm into this team and fan base than Kellen Clemens and Chad Pennington.

What's the BEST thing about this pickup? Now I can turn on ESPN and watch Sportscenter and not Favrecenter. How many "Breaking News" updates on Favre walking to the bathroom do we really need in one show?

Hopefully, I'll have some free time and update the masses (yes, all three of you) on the Foof Ighters, Live, and Springsteen shows over the past week.

RU Screw

2008-07-05T19:46:00.010-04:00

("Hey Bob, which finger did they use for your prostate exam?")

During my career as a play-by-play annoucer for State U, there were few constants in the athletic department.

Losing was one of those things with which I grew accustomed (and a major reason I blame for my premature hair loss). The soccer and baseball teams made the only regular NCAA appearances, which brought about as much excitement to campus as the addition of a new bench on College Avenue or a new "Fat" sandwich from one of the grease trucks. (Fat Cat is one thing, but did the world really need a Fat Moon, Fat Sal, Fat John, Fat Chris or Fat Kiko?)

The football team was a joke.....to put things in perspective, an overtime loss to Pittsburgh was a bright spot, and the basketball teams combined for four times as many coaches as NCAA appearances. I saw two athletic directors and so many recruits were academic casulaties that you could have fielded another team with the players lost to Mr. Shea, Mr Graber, Mr. Wenzel, Mr. Bannon, and Mr. Magoo....no wait, he may have been the most successful of the bunch.

The names changed but the results still remained the same.

One of those other constants from that woeful era was just shown the door last week. After being relieved of his duties as football play-by-play guy early in the Greg Schiano era, Rutgers announcer Bruce Johnson was shown the door and "relieved of his duties" last week.

Now, when I think of being "relieved", I usually think of heading to the urinal and draining excess fluids from my body. That's not much different than what Rutgers did to Bruce.

I'm not going to say I was a huge fan of Bruce's work. He made some mistakes here, and there but who doesn't? John Sterling makes more than his share, and he still has a job. Even during the most miserable seasons, Bruce never tore apart the Scarlet Knights on the air and was always a professional...at least he was ON the air. He did a solid job, but that's not good enough for Rutgers. State U is always hungrier for more positive PR. In steps WFAN's Chris Carlin. Carlin, who after doing all of the dirty work for years as producer of the Mike and the Mad Dog Show, has been in the right place at the right time, has done a decent job with the Rutgers football broadcasts but what experience does he have doing Rutgers hoops games? Does he have ANY historical knowledge? Will he be able to say "Dick, I'll see you in Morgantown" as well as Bruce?

The move is more proof that's there is no loyalty anywhere anymore. If Rutgers wants a greater presence in the tri-state area, just win more games. It's not about hiring a fat dude whose resume includes hosting the award winning Beer Money, where Carlin gives $10 to random people for knowing who plays shortstop for the Mets. Is the broadcast going to improve by a guy screaming, "It's a Ruckus at the RAC!" if Rutgers beats Louisville by 1 at home?

Even when all things are considered, the biggest loser here isn't Bruce. It's the Rutgers dining service....get those second and third helpings ready at in the media room!

ZING!

Now for a new feature to And What Can I Tell You.....my Top 5 List (why only 5? Because I don't want to set the bar too high with 10).

Top 5 Reasons It's Great to Live with The Sandman

5. Softball on Sundays -- About 5 years ago, the Sandman introduced me to Sunday softball in Union. It boasts one of the wackiest array of characters...almost like a Middle Eastern UN....while still providing an athletic boost to my week. Legends like Local Shill, Joe Pendleton, Jersey Girl and I believe even Mr. Lozo have made appearances. Even though I might not make another appearance until 2009 due to family/wedding/bachelor party obligations, it's a highly entertaining alternative to church (not that I'll be going there anytime soon). Best of all, the Sandman will be glad to see this as an advertisement to those in the Union Twp. area to come on down and bring a glove!

4. Harry Updates -- For those of you who worked for Bridgewater's largest newspaper (but maybe not for much longer), it's a common ritual for alumni to ask current employees, "How's Harry." As my only daily link to the C-N, it's a plus to get regular updates from the Sandman.

3. CD Library -- The Sandman has a music library that rivals most of the libraries throughout the state. You want Metallica's first album? Are you craving to hear Journey on tape? Looking for the latest song by Fee ("All Because of Jesus") or the most recent tune by Casting Crowns ("Every Man")? Are you in the midst of a sexual crisis and are DYING for some Indigo Girls on your iPod? The Sandman probably has it.

2. Housing money. Yeah, this should be number one but I didn't feel like feeding the stereotype faced by those within my tribe.

1. Baseball package -- This may be the greatest thing on television and I have the Sandman to thank for sharing this with me. Without the MLB Extra Innings plan, I'd miss out on those key moments of those Washington Nationals/Pittsburgh Pirates affairs. For example, I tuned into the Padres/DBacks game tonight and Joe Garragiola was doing color for the game. I hadn't heard that cat since the NBC Game of the Week about 20 years ago. Some of Joe's more memorable quotes from the broadcast:

"When you look at (Kevin) Kouzmanoff, it makes me think of a Russian spy."

"I look at this guy (Chase) Headley and can't help but think about 'Blazing Saddles.' "

"Arrrrrrrggggh!" (After D-Bags pitcher Doug Davis threw a wild pitch)

You don't get this kind of insight from watching highlights on Sportscenter.

Best of all, I get to catch AFLAC trivia questions from each broadcast. For those of you who only got the Mets/Phillies game on July 5th, you missed these questions....

# 1 In the 1970s, which two Padres draft picks went right to the major leagues?

# 2 Who are the only two players to play at least 500 games for the Houston Astros and Atlanta Braves?

(Answers below)

The commercials are also classic. Randy Johnson trying to sell cars for Van Chevolet....Vince Young's mother sitting on a couch waxing poetic about furniture....and you can't forget a occasional Jack in the Box, Hardee's, and In 'N Out Burger ads. The only broadcast that's difficult to take is the Chicago White Sox duo....I haven't heard applause yet but the cheering for Guillen's squad is ridiculous. It's a good thing those clowns won't be doing Rutgers basketball broadcasts.

Answer to trivia:

#1 Dave Winfield (1973) and Dave Roberts (1972)

#2 Denis Menke and Rafael Ramirez

The latter of whom I overlooked during my most recent trek to Cooperstown for the Demarco bachelor party. The wedding is only a week away.....and I'm looking forward to meeting Al Toon, Jeff Lageman, Woodrow Johnson, Wesley Walker, and Richard Todd at the affair.

Plus, I'll get to see B. Peterman for the 3rd time in three months. I'm starting to think that kid has moved back to Jersey and hasn't told me yet.

A full report to come....along with the Top 5 Reason It SUCKS to Live with the Sandman.

Just kidding....I don't feel like being put at catcher for our next Sunday softball tilt.

Big Frown

2008-06-08T22:46:00.005-04:00

Everyone and their uncle thought Big Brown was going to win the Belmont and the Triple Crown. I understand it makes for a great story especially when this country is down like it is. Plus, there's nothing more comical than a certain "columnist emeritus" waxing poetic about a "whorsh's ash" on national TV.

But there are some reasons why I was rooting against the horse with a name that makes me think more about dropping a batch than racing:

These are horses, people. The only thing they care about is eating and dumping. I wasn't looking forward to a week's worth of stories about this horse on every news magazine and channel. How many "Big Brown: The Run to Racing's Elite" tales would we need? Don't get me wrong, I'd rather stare at Big Brown's brownskies than Paul Pierce in a wheelchair on SI next week, but that would dominate the coverage and we can't have that.

There's the other side of horse racing that few hear about. For those who have a strong stomach), check out last month's Real Sports about "Hidden Horses". I'm no animal rights protestor but that story was difficult to watch. Who knows if Da Tara wasn't going to be sent to the "Meat Man"?

Do I really need to see the UPS guy drawing a horse delivering packages overnight during breaks of baseball games for the next 3 months? Maybe I wouldn't mind so much if this woman was in the ads....

Last, and definitely not least....it was nice to see Rick Dutrow, Jr. put his foot in his mouth. He guaranteed victory...played up the Triple Crown and then didn't even speak to the media afterward. I'm glad this jackass didn't maximize his potential. If you have a chance, check out Steve Politi's column.

Lions and Tiger and Nats (Oh My) PART II

2008-06-07T21:30:00.000-04:00

I apologize for the longest intermission in blog history....a history of maybe 6 years??? But if George Lucas can make us wait a decade for a Star Wars flick, two months should be ok for the second half of my trip.

So we left off at Wrigley Field and headed back toward U.S. Cellular Field for the second half of the Chi/NY double dip. No where had I seen a fan base with a greater inferiority complex than the White Sox supporters. All the fans I spoke with enjoyed ripping Cubs fans than focusing on that day's contest against the Yankees at 7:11 (a time set because of a deal with 18 that was for about half of a million dollars).

Tip to those looking to meet Asian women.....go to the ballpark when Chien-Ming Wang pitches. I thought I was going to see white rice on the menu when I strolled into the park.

The ballpark was nice and just felt like the largest of the stadiums we visited. Green seemed to be the dominant color inside the place. I ordered a Chicago style mini pizza (not too impressive)

We sat in the left field bleachers and struck up a conversation with a White Sox fan in his late 60s. The gentleman unloaded his attacks on Cubs fans from 30 mins before the first pitch through the final inning. Among the other sights for the 25,012 fans at U.S. Cellular...

The ejection of a fan for throwing a Bobby Abreu homerun back onto the field. And I thought this was embraced in Chi-town.
Met up with Larry, a cat who my friend Rich befriended at the World Series in 2005. His recommendation to visit a food stand for a porkchop sandwich in the heart of Chicago was appreciated but passed up when we were told that we should bring $10 for the meal and a loaded gun for defense. Stories like this one didn't exactly add to my desire to consume pork in the middle of the war zone at 11 p.m.
A kid named Timmy, who was no more than 14 years old threw out the first pitch. Do I need to send a letter to the stadiums to gain this honor? Or just have to have a relative with a six figure salary and season tickets to hook me up?

A very drunk White Sox fan tossing an empty plastic bottle at our section (most likely me because of my Yankees garb) as he exited in the 7th inning. I'm assuming he was on his way for a porkchop sandwich.

With ARod out of the lineup due to the injury that would cost him a month's worth of games, the Yankees got HRs from Johnny Damon and Bobby Abreu and won 9-5 (insert Dolly Parton song here).

Exhausted from the back to back games, we immediately went to the Radisson hotel and crashed for 6 hours. Our next goal was waking up early (a task complicated slightly by the lack of a wake up call from the front desk). Fortunately, Mr. Becht got us up early enough to catch the flight to Detroit.

With about 3 hours to kill, we headed to Ann Arbor and met up with Ondeadlin and B. Peterman for a very tasty lunch at Zingerman's (the deli names don't get more Hebraic than that). It was my first trip to The Great Lakes state and I was shocked at how nice the University of Michigan campus was. That didn't change my disdain for that institution's athletic program (it ranks in a tie with JoePa U and Seton Hall for most hated schools of higher learning).

My goal of dropping a batch at midfield of Michigan Stadium was foiled by a construction worker, who informed us that we would not be permitted into the stadium due to renovations of the stands and press box. Instead, I strolled into Crisler and did my deed in one of the bathrooms.

As Josh and I walked through the arena, we spotted this banner and I shot in honor of my Seton Hall friends...

Josh's future brother in law lived in Windsor, Canada and we drove up to meet him and transport him to Comerica Park for game #5: Texas Ranger at Detroit Tigers. I had left the country only once in my life....and I don't know if a spring break trek to Cancun really counts. That city was more Americanized than some parts of Oak Tree Road in Iselin. The border partol was not up for comedy. No jokes, no smiles, no studdering. I'd rather clean toilets and have to be Hank Steinbrenner's personal assistant than take their jobs. One guy in front of us was interrogated for about 15 minutes and had his vehicle searched closer than a Columbian mule at Miami airport.

I answered all of the guard's questions to the best of my ability ("Where are you going?" "How do you know these people?" "Where are you from?" "Why can't baseball prosper in Montreal?" "What do you think this nasty rash is on my inner thigh?")

We were hoping B. Peterman could join us for the game but he had a conflict and couldn't make it. Hopefully, we'll have another chance to do shtick when I attempt to see all of the football stadiums and visit Ford Field in about 30 years. Comerica Park was surprisingly nice. Anyone you talked to about the ballpark didn't have much positive to say about it. Actually, their focus was more on the surrounding city and the unsafe neighborhood. I really liked Comerica. It really had something for everyone.....a ferris wheel and carousel for kids and margarita bar for adults. The place felt very open and the people who worked there were extremely pleasant. In centerfield was a display of two cars in the air and a General Motors water fountain. Anything for a dollar.

Thanks to each team's AWFUL pitching, the game was one of the most high scoring I have ever seen. Celebrating Curtis Granderson's first game since coming off the DL, Detroit dropped an 11-spot on Texas in the sixth inning to cruise to a 19-6 victory.

Incidentally, I saw a fan in the stands dressed in a FULL Granderson uniform. Pants, uniform, stirrups, shoes....the works. That takes "hard core" to another level.

We had fantastic seats for this game...about 20 rows behind home plate (thank you Stubhub) and I felt this was our best chance to get a souvenir. And I was right. Sort of.

Ivan Rodriguez fouled a ball back toward our section and I saw it coming down directly above us. The ball slammed into the seat in front of me and the battle began. One fan jumped over the seat and I made an attempt by sticking my head into the mix. Big mistake. About 10 seconds after the ball ended up in the seat, this meathead in front of me slammed his head into mine. I thought my dome piece was going to end up rolling down the aisle. The ball somehow shot up and landed in the seat next to me. Still confused and in obvious pain, I watched as the fan behind me leaned over to snatch my prize.

So close. I was empty handed and spent the next 3 hours trying to answer the ringing phone in my head. Of course, there was no one on the other line.

We were done with the midwest and took a plane back to BWI for the final game: New York Mess at Washington Nationals.

This is the newest ballpark and has potential, but it's not there yet. Across the way from the stadium is a mall that should be completed in 2 years. Much like every other ballpark, Nationals Park is in a very bad section of town. Since the majority of fans are required to use mass transportation to the ballpark, it would be difficult to tell....if it weren't for the incompetent people running the place. I waited in line for 20 minutes for a hot dog and had my ticket checked almost EVERY time I walked into my section. Now, normally I wouldn't have a problem with that and would champion this policy....but we were two of about 20 people in the ENTIRE centerfield bleachers! Lady, if we were going to sneak into a section....this was NOT the one to do it. One of the workers had a good way to lure people into the gift shop. He stood outside on the warm day and screamed out, "FREE A/C!"

Memo to fans thinking of attending a Nats game....do NOT sit in sections 138-143. You see, the major feature of this ballpark is the HUGE HDTV scoreboard in centerfield. Well, when Josh ordered the tickets, he was not aware that those sections had NO view of that scoreboard. NONE.....Not even a corner. It was like the whole ballpark got invited to the party and we were forced to wait outside. As much as a Nationals game is a party, I guess. All of the replays, interviews, stats, etc. were missed because of our seats.

We were right next to the Nats bullpen, which featured Chad Cordero, Jon Rauch and about 8 others who probably belonged in the Atlantic League. Few of the fans had many harsh comments for Rauch, a 6-11 reliever who was covered in tattoos. Prior to the game, a ball landed in the Nationals bullpen and I, wearing my Yankees hat, was too far over to reach it. Since we were the only people in the vicinity at the time, I asked one of the field attendants to throw me the ball. After missing out in Detroit, this would be my only chance to take home a ball. The cat had a witty response to my request:

"You're wearing the wrong hat."

As pissed as I was, it was a crafty response by a man who was about to watch his squad lose about 90 more games.

The fans in Washington BLEW. Not because they were jerks but because they were not into the game. A family of 4 sat directly behind us......the father had headphones in his ears. Thinking he was listening to the game, I asked him how the baseball broadcast was.

"Broadcast? I'm listening to National Public Radio."

This would not have been accepted at Yankee Stadium. Heck, that would have been frowned upon in most Little League parks.

The family's older daughter was focused on completing her social studies homework and the younger girl was trying to overcome the agony of learning that Brian Schneider wasn't in the starting lineup.

"But he's the best!" The best Schneider in baseball, maybe. Maybe. (My apologies to Toronto's John Schneider).

The stadium was quiet (probably helping the girl study more efficiently than the public library) and there were a TON of no shows. Other than a fan who was riding Ryan Church for 3 innings, the fans didn't have much emotion. Behind home plate there were approximately 6 sections that were almost completely empty for the majority of the game.

The game wasn't bad. About a decade after being called one of college basketball's biggest busts at St. John's, Felipe Lopez (yes, I know it's not him) had a grand slam to rally Washington past the Mess 10-5.

So that was my trip. I would do it all over again if I could. We may do a Boston/Philly/NY trip or Pittsburgh/Cleveland/Cincy trip next. Who knows?

Trip by the numbers

12,000 Approximate number of no shows at Mets/Nationals game. Must have been a kick-ass party on Capitol Hill that night. Or even a crappy party would have done it.

8 Number of really obese dudes on the Miller Brewing Company Tour that I was shocked made it the entire walking distance (it must have been the lure of free tastes at the end...like a mouse trying to find its cheese).

$7.50 Cost of most expensive beer on the trip (at Nationals Park). I guess watching that brand of baseball increases demand and the prices.

5 Colleges we visited or drove past (Michigan, Marquette, Wisconsin-Milwaukee, DePaul, and DeVry....does that even count??? Still, the DU football team is undefeated.)

3.6 Amount of pounds gained by yours truly on the entire trip

2 Number of ads for colleges spotted inside baseball stadiums (University of Toledo in Comerica Park and University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee in Miller Park).

2 Number of first pitches thrown by boys who were teenagers or younger who were probbably sons of wealthy season ticket holders (isn't this supposed to be some HUGE honor???)

1 Number of Orioles hats seen in all of Washington D.C. (that includes Nats Park)

0: Number of about 2,000 Asian fans seen outside U.S. Cellular sitting in the bleachers at White Sox game.

Lions and Tigers and Nats! (Oh my!) PART I

2008-04-29T21:44:00.000-04:00

For people in my generation (and generations before and after mine), baseball has always been a direct link to our father and their fathers and his father (maybe not that far back...you get the point). So, I have always wondered what it would be like to do a ballpark vacation. You hear about these from time to time....someone drops everything and does a trip to as many different ballparks as possible.

It's almost like Halloween when the old lady down the street opens a jar of unwrapped candy and says, "Take whatever you can put in your hands." Always at a disadvantage because I had the smallest hands in the neighborhood (which still probably is true today), I'd take a dozen or so and throw them back in my sack. Not that any of this mattered, because I was forced to throw the candy out due to the constant fear created by parents, teachers, media, Mad Magazine, etc. that unwrapped candy would all be poisoned and you'd get sick and probably die.

What does this have to do with anything? Well, as an adult, my candy is baseball. I watch the baseball package more than almost any other channels on tv and get chills on Opening Day (especially when it's 40 degrees and raining). My friend JBecht and I were considering a vacation earlier this year, we bypassed someplace tropical for a tour of 6 ballparks in 5 days for our love of the sport (and the fact that going someplace nice would cost double of this ballpark tour).

We plotted out the plan...I'd drive to his place in Maryland and we'd hit Yankees at Orioles (Apr. 20), fly to Milwaukee for Cardinals at Brewers (Apr. 21), drive to Chicago for an unusual NY doubleheader Mets at Cubs and Yankees at ChiSox (Apr. 22), fly to Detroit for Rangers at Tigers (Apr. 23), and fly back to JBecht's for the Metro ride to Washington and taken in Mets at Nationals (Apr. 24).

Two Mets games and two Yankees games. The ideal "Mancation" as JBecht would say.

So here's Part I of the recap of our adventure, which started Sunday April 20th.

Game # 1 N.Y. Yankees at Baltimore Orioles

The clouds looked ominous and generally, we were a tad fearful about this game getting played. For those who are aware of my status in F Squad, the worst case scenario of getting each of our six games rained out wasn't just a possibility....it is HIGHLY probable. Guess who wasn't at Opening Day for the Yankees due to a rainout (that was more like a drizzle-out) this year?

Luckily, our game was played and the seats were in a decent location. We were covered (for the time being) and 2 sections back from 3rd base.

Heading into the tour, Oriole Park at Camden Yards has been my favorite ballpark. There's not a bad seat in the house and always something to do (whether it be taking in the sun or heckling half of the players on the roster who are about as recognized as the Iraqi ambassador to the UN), especially when it's nice out.

Nick Markakis is a god down there. Looking at that roster, there's not much else to praise. Adam Jones, who made 3 outstanding grabs in centerfield, is a star in the making, but playing in the AL East makes it a difficult road for Pete Angelos (the fans don't make it easier for PAngelos@laughingstock.net).

New Ravens coach Jim Harbaugh threw out the first pitch. Figuring that this would be the first of 6 celebrities who would throw out the first ball, I got the camera ready for each first toss. It was one of few disappointments on this trip....especially when some 10 year old named Timmy hurled out the first ball at U.S. Cellular Field.

We had to wait out a rain delay that lasted approximately 35 minutes. That gave us a chances to move 5 rows from the field and get a closer view of the players and one guy who was using a napkin as his umbrella. I guess the dollar store was closed.

Final Result: Behind a homer from Johnny Damon and seven innings of scoreless ball from Andy Pettitte, the Yankees win 7-1. ARod injures his quad running to first base and misses the rest of the week to the delight of Mess and Red Sox fans everywhere.

Game # 2 St. Louis Cardinals at Milwaukee Brewers.

We landed in Milwaukee and went straight to the hotel. Mr. Lozo mentioned this bar called 4th Base, which was 2 blocks from where we were staying and we headed there for lunch. The bar was featured in Major League and is a small but nice dive about a 15 minute walk from the park. Plenty of pictures line the walls from throughout baseball. I had a grilled salmon caesar salad as Joe D stared at me from the side wall.

We quickly made our way to the Miller Brewing Company tour (or hour-long advertisement for Miller beers) where free tastes awaited the end of the hour-long trip.

We were done with Miller Time. It was off to the hotel and then the game.

I never thought so many Brewers fans existed in this world. We went to Miller Park about 90 mins before the game started and strolled around the outside of the park. I met the polish sausage, which eventually won the Sausage Race inside the park. When I first walked up to get a picture, it went after my Yankees hat and tried to throw it off my head. I must admit, I was not in the mood to "beat the meat" but if it had to be done, then so be it. Eventually, the sausage stood still and allowed me to take a shot.

Prior to coming to the game, the roof was open, but the powers that be opted to shut it despite the decent weather and no sign of rain. That was a little bit disappointing. I'm assuming the people in the Brewers glass booth are the clowns who use umbrellas despite no rain or clouds in the skies.

Final Result: Relief pitcher Derrick Turnbow self destructs as the Cardinals rally for a 4-3 victory. In what seems to be a new change in the Major Leagues, both teams had their pitchers batting 8th. The move seems to hurt Milwaukee, which had pitcher Chaz Villanueva batting with two on in the second inning. With 9th hitter Jason Kendall on deck, Villanueva struck out to keep the game scoreless. Kendall doubled to lead off the third inning.

Line of the game: "Turnbow, you make me so mad, I want to punch a baby!" -- angry Brewers fan after the former closer allowed the go-ahead run in a diasterous 9th inning for St. Louis.

Josh and I stopped at the Potawotami Casino, where I dropped about $60 in 15 minutes. Didn't see many of the Native Americans that I figured this money was going to....I did see more old people with oxygen tanks and wheelchairs.....I was also thankful that smoking isn't allowed indoors in New Jersey.

It was not the most desirable experience and I wish I could have that time back. The highlight was seeing this large man with a Hideo Nomo Brewers jersey in the parking deck.

I didn't have a chance to ask him if he ate paste as a kid.

Game # 3 New York Mess at Chicago Cubs.

After making the 94 mile drive to Chicago and parking at US Cellular Field, we took the train and headed toward Wrigley. There were plenty of clowns, shills and yahoos aboard the vessel.....if I ever wanted to try a stand-up comedy act, there was plenty of material.

Please keep in mind, we were SURROUNDED by people in Mess jerseys.

Among the stupid/annoying comments:

1) "You guys going to the game?" -- man who seemed to have difficulty with his eyes and a nasty odor coming from a hidden oreface.

2) "You from New York?" I have to remind you I was wearing a Yankees hat and a big ass sign that read "HI! I'M FROM NEW JERSEY!" OK maybe I didn't have the sign....

3) "Hey New York! That's where the Bronx Zoo is, right? I haven't been there in a long time. Do they still have animals there? What about the Mouse House? Is the Mouse House still part of the zoo? I liked the World of Darkness. Is that a David Wright jersey? Did you know the "W" is silent in "Wright"? Mouse House. Mouse House. World of Darkness!" -- a guy in a dark green trenchcoat who I was convinced needed a straitjacket and heavy doses of sedatives....and a vasectomy.

4) Does heavy breathing and staring count as a comment?

Eventually, we arrived at the Addison station. I almost wish there was a shower nearby or at least that white cleansing powder the military uses to remove the remnants of that ride.

Filthy.

I enjoyed the neighborhood that surrounded Wrigley. Two things were everywhere: ticket brokers looking to unload seats to this "SOLD OUT" game and enough Kosuke Fukudome gear to clothe the Southern half of Africa (and I'm counting animals as well). Headbands (for $10), t-shirts (for $20), chopsticks, signs, used condoms.....anything you can imagine. I'm not sure if it's 1) a Japanese/cultural thing, 2) the fact he's a pretty good player and breath of fresh air or 3) his last name sounds like the same word uttered by most Cubs fans in September.

After stopping at the Cubby Bear for a taste and making an appearance on the Cub World cam (the picture to the right was MY view of the cam), I tried to sell off my extra Cubs tickets. With about 8,000 tickets on the street, there was a better shot of Chris Farley in his Ditka Fan outfit meeting me by the bleacher entrance than someone accepting my price of $1 for 2 tickets.

When we entered the ballpark, I was surprised that the ramps leading up to our seats went OVER other fans' seats. Not something I was used to. And the thought of dropping some phlegm on a dude did cross my mind.

We headed to our seats in section 529, Row 5 and watched Minette Goodman (left) throw out the first pitch. WTF?!?!?!? Some 80-year-old non-entity gets the honor this time?

But we must move on.

Josh dropped one of his 300 batches in the trip in a Wrigley bathroom -- a feat that almost caused me to call 20/20 to them them do an exclusive report. One look at the troughs would make me forget about checking out the toilets.

For those who are keeping score at home, former Cubs and Phillies player Doug Glanville did Take Me Out to the Ballgame.

Final result: I feel bad for Mess fans who are hoping for that first World Series title in 22 years. In the two games I saw on this trip, the bullpen had more holes than a golf course in Milwaukee (they love that cheese in Wisconsin). Jorge Sosa made Ronny Cedeno look like an all-star, surrendering an eighth inning grand slam in an 8-1 Cubs victory. Hey Cubs fans....maybe this is the year!

And maybe the Jets have a chance at a title, too. Good luck with that.

My one regret....not heading to the 18 that Joe Pendleton recommended. I saw it, but in my haste for a t-shirt for my 6-year-old niece that was priced under $25, I totally forgot about it.

Even though I haven't reported on the South Side of Chicago, Detroit and Washington (still to come), here are my rankings of the parks from the trip

1. Comerica Park, Detroit. This place had it all....family entertainment (ferris wheel and carousel), a good diversity of food and beverages, and knowledgable fans. Only downside was the outside neighborhood. Homeless people begging for change are about as common as losses for the Tigers in the early part of this decade. Sample food items: funnel cake, sushi, sausage sandwich.

2. Oriole Park at Camden Yards, Baltimore. I've always been a big fan of this place. The place has a nice historic touch with plenty of openings from which you can watch the game. If you want to take a stroll around the outfield, you can still see what's going on in the game. I had a chance to take a tour of the place last May, and I highly recommend it. One interesting feature...there's a dry erase board inside the front office hallways with both team's starting lineups listed. The stadium staff does not erase the board until the next home game is played. So, if the Orioles host the Rays in the regular season finale, Gabe Gross' name will be hanging for all to see in mid-January. Highly exciting. Sample foot items: Pulled pork sandwich (HEY NOW!), chicken and sausage sandwiches, Old Bay sandwich (no, not really).

3. Miller Park, Milwaukee. Maybe my opinion would be different if they opened the roof for the game. The weather was in the 60s with no rain but for some reason the Cheeseheads who run the stadium thought it would be nice to leave it closed. Come on....baseball is meant to be played outdoors. The brats were delicious and there are plenty of games to keep kids interested. Outside the stadium, there are plate markings showing where each base is located to help with directions. I was shocked to see how many Brewers fans really exist in this world. Sample food items: baked potatoes, brats, kennel corn, numerous types of Miller beer.

Of course a little sausage race doesn't hurt either...

4. U.S. Cellular Field, Chicago. Something about this park screamed "BIG". The seating area seemed very high up and this was true even after the 6,600 seats were removed from the upper deck due. Fans were a mix of families and young jerkoffs who seemed to enjoy telling anyone who'd listen how much they hate the Cubs. Several Cubs hats were thrown around and numerous morons were tossed for inappropriate behavior. One guy was tossed for throwing a Yankees homerun ball back onto the field. That seemed a little harsh but I guess they still have some built up anger from having Rex Grossman (not a Jew) at QB the past several years. Sample food items: Chicago pizza, curly fries (ok....I didn't really check out the menu there....I was too into watching the clowns in the audience).

5. Wrigley Field, Chicago. Yeah, I understand the history (that's the only thing preventing a ranking at the bottom), but the park is still pretty filthy. When you walk up the ramps to get to your seat, other sections are directly underneath. So you could spit off the side as you walk toward your seat and land a nasty goober on some unsuspecting fan below. I like how the city envelopes the park and the stadium has very few advertisements (a few for Under Armor in the ivy and 3-4 small boards inside the stadium). The seats are ok, however the huge beams that lead to numerous obstructed views.....I guess these might be desirable seats if your name is Steve Bartman.

6. Nationals Park, Washington. A very nice park but the atmosphere is dead....about 70 % of the stadium was filled....and much of the six sections behind home plate were vacant even in the 4th inning. Even from the right field seats, you could have heard a pin drop (or a Lastings Miledge error). When we ordered the seats for this game, we must have missed the seating chart because the highlight of this park -- a 4,500 foot high HD scoreboard -- could not been seen from our vantage point in section 139. We were able to see Luis Ayala warmup for about 20 minutes. My guess is its a huge step up from Hiram Birthorn Stadium in Puerto Rico. VIVA EL BAYSBOL!

Baseball Blog Coming Up....but first....

2008-04-27T22:54:00.002-04:00

I'm still working on covering my baseball trip....but I felt this picture from Detroit would only brighten your days.

It's coming people! Get ready!

(Wasn't the battle in Iraq supposed to HELP lower these???)

Play Ball!

2008-04-19T14:47:00.002-04:00

T-Minus 23 hours until the baseball trip begins. I am hoping to post pics and other tales from the 5 day, 6 ballpark affair.

Apr. 20 -- Yankees at O's. 1:35 PM EST Pettitte at Trachsel. I'm sure old Mets fans will be excited to see one of their own try to take down NY(A). When I think of the Mets, I think of Steve Trachsel.

Apr. 21 -- Cardinals at Brewers 8:05 PM EST -- Wainwright vs. Villanueva. Doesn't get more HOF than this one. Who?

Apr. 22 -- Mets at Cubs -- 2:20 PM EST, Nelson Figueroa vs. Lilly. It's like they KNEW we were coming and gave us this stench.

Yankees at White Sox 8:11 PM EST, Chein-Meng Wang vs. Jose Contreras. Contreras looking to knock off his former club.

Apr. 23 -- Rangers at Tigers. TBA vs. Kenny Rogers. 7:05 PM EST. Can't wait to try his Roasters.

Apr. 24 -- Mets at Nationals. 7:10 PM EST I'm guessing two pitchers I've never heard of in my life.

A True Hero

2008-04-12T16:29:00.004-04:00

If you had a chance to watch the Diane Sawyer Special on Randy Pausch Wednesday, here's a slice of what they showed.

ESPN has an excerpt from it here.

I've written about Dr. Pausch before....he's a former college professor who was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer a few years ago. Now, he's passing on his life's lessons to the world (most importantly, his three children who are 6-years old and younger) and he definitely is an inspiration. He gives updates on his condition on this site.

On Thursday, I tried to buy his book at the Barnes and Noble and it was sold out. Instead of waiting 2 weeks to have it ordered, I bought it online. The book is currently atop the Amazon best seller list.

I volunteer for a Pancreatic Cancer Action Network and we're having a golf fundraiser in Annandale on June 30th. There's also a reception at 6:30 p.m. after the golf outing. More info to come.

My Birthday Gift

2008-04-02T21:09:00.002-04:00

For those looking for my birthday gift. This would be a good start.

Play Ball!

2008-04-01T20:40:00.003-04:00

I always look at Opening Day as the bridge to the summer...better weather...vacations...and then the fall again. Let's try to forget about that last part.

On Friday, my friend DBag called me and told me he had an extra ticket to Yankees Opening Day. This would be my first Opening Day (and the last) at Yankee Stadium. When I learned of this opportunity to witness this historic moment, I had to jump at the chance. In the process, I was cursing the 40,000+ in attendance.

After a rather uneventful train ride to Penn Station, I met up with the DBag at a TGI Fridays where we caught up since we last spoke in early February. Much like the rest of my friends, nothing really new and exciting happened in either of our lives. He had no children on the way (that he knew of, at least) and his liver was still functioning at the normal 45 %.

Fired up, we jumped onto the subway and headed to 161st Street. While standing on the train next to a guy who could have been Slow Pitch Eric's long lost twin brother, I noticed an advertisement for Dr. Zizmor. In the late 1990s, it seemed as though every Sunday morning commercial on channels 5 and 11 seemed to be promoting this guy's ability to get rid of black spots and various other growths on the face. It was always a pleasant sight while downing bagels and lox. All I could think was, "Isn't this clown in jail?" He's not....but he's close.

If I'm going to a dermatologist, I'm probably not making the long trek into the city. And I'm DEFINITELY not going to a guy with a rainbow advertisement that reminds me of a bowl of Lucky Charms. I don't need purple horseshoes coming out my nose, thank you.

We made it to the Stadium and heard that the game was being delayed an hour from its 1:05 p.m. start. Not too bad I figured, especially since (enter Allen Iverson voice) it was drizzling....not raining.....drizzling.....we tawkin' bout DRIZZLIN....not rain...we not takin bout rain......DRIZZLIN. What are we tawkin bout?

(shout out to Jersey Girl for that one)

We sat in the stadium for about 30 mins before John Sterling popped up on the videoscreen telling the audience that the weather reports were promising and the festivities would start around 2 bells. The plan changed about 20 minutes later around 1:35 when another announcer told us the weather reports weren't as promising and they were checking out their options.

Just a reminder....it was still drizzling....not raining.....DRIZZLIN.

To add to the heartache, the stadium monitor was showing clips of the '96 opener against the Kansas City Royals where the Yankees played a game in the snow. Remember folks...we not tawkin' bout a blizzard....we tawkin bout DRIZZLIN! DRIZZLIN'!

To no one's surprise, they moved the game to Monday night and due to prior engagements, I was unable to attend. DBag and I headed to a bar called Local West and did shtick with some bartender named Jules.

Among the highlights:

Sitting next to some guy who looked like Sven in the AT&T commercials....and yes, he had the same sand-colored sweater that reminds us all to "BANDUL UP!"

Watching some dude perform magic tricks while downing captain and cokes like it was his job (well, that and making rabbits disappear)

Jules making gestures that if Hillary Clinton ever made, would likely send her back to focus on the needs of the people in the Empire State.

So let's look at my last two trips at the stadium:

1) Thrown out for allegedly videotaping a one-hour tour. A one-hour tour.

2) An opening day rain-out courtesy of heavy drizzle. Stench.

Cheer up my Catholic friends....I won't be there for the Pontiff later this month.

Time to watch Rutgers try to make the Final Four again. I wonder if Imus is watching.

Sick as a Lassie

2008-03-11T19:13:00.006-04:00

I hate getting sick. Who doesn't? It's one thing we all have in common. Well, maybe except if your name is Magic Johnson.

Prior to arriving home on Monday, I stopped at a local pharmacy and picked up some Tussin to help ease myself out of this coughing funk. I noticed that the directions on the box call for, at most, 2 teaspoons of mystery juice every four hours.

My question to the drug-making public is this: if the highest dose is 2 tsp, why are there indicators were 3 and 4 teaspoons are located on this plastic cup? Are there some doctors who tell their patients to take more of this gooey red liquid in lieu of real drugs? Do some people take the cup and try to use it to measure ingredients for a cake mix they're working on?

Whenever I get sick, it seems like some of the worst things happen on a national stage.

Eight years ago, I was stuck in bed as Dubya started a campaign to sink Iraq into the Persian Gulf. That's worked out pretty well, don't ya think?

Last April, I was hit with the flu bug and Cho Seung-Hui gunned down 30 students at Virginia Tech.

Now, Governor Spitzer couldn't keep his veto pen in his pants, leading to calls for his resignation. Was this guy REALY thinking he wasn't going to get caught? Bill Clinton = 100 times more powerful and he got nailed (if you catch my drift).

I didn't know there was a dress code for scandal either. Check out the photo on the left. The Governor's wife, McGreevey, Governor's wife, Spitzer (my mom will get that one). Coincedence?

While they all made for interesting yet depressing television, I still can't wait to get back to 75 percent and get to work.

Instead of wasting bottled water, I've decided to drink lots of tap water, hoping to find the perfect assortment of "human and veterinary pharmaceuticals" to cure what's bothering me. My last mug must have had traces of viagra.

Not sure why...it may be the recent ability to use my groin as a coat rack.

In between school work, I managed to watch No Country for Old Men. Solid movie but a lot of symbolism that basic minds like my own didn't quite grasp. I can see why Javier Bardiem won best supporting actor. The guy scared the crap out of me. It's the only good movie the Coen brothers have done so far. And yes, I hated Fargo. My best picture vote still would have gone to Knocked Up.

A few other things I've noticed while relegated to my bed.

Millionaire is STILL on TV. What a remarkable run for a gameshow that hit its peak 8 years ago. I used to think Meredith Viera was hot like 2 years ago, but the stress of the Today show has taken it's toll (my apologies to JM for this comment....but it had to be done).

Drew Carey does an OK job on The Price is Right...although it doesn't seem like that's that difficult of a job. I did see him actually kiss a contestant on the lips. You know that woman is bragging to all of her friends about that one. Either bragging or calling local authroities. That hosting gig continues to get better and better.

Siena really looked impressive last night against Rider. Unless they get a 15 or 16 seed, I could seem them doing well against a team with a dominant big man and average to good guard play. They went up against a potential NBA project in Jason Thompson and blew his squad out of the gym.

Good news for the Sandman. Thanks to this, you might finally have the breakthrough to get your band on a national stage. One call to your sister might do it. I already made my one call to her today. Sorry, I can't help!

lastly, if Saturday Night Live doesn't do a spoof on The Moment of Truth with Gov. Spitzer this weekend, then they're really missing out. The show has been stench since the return.

Thank you Aunt Judith

2008-03-08T22:09:00.003-05:00

We all have an Aunt Judith. And if you're my Italian friend, Dr. Nazz, you have about 300 of them....this is what happens when you're related to the entire state of New Jersey.

You know what I'm talking (or in this case "blogging") about. She's the relative who sends tons of emails about sometimes mildly funny, but family appropriate things. It's amazing how many jokes are there about a rabbi and a priest out there.

In some cases, her emails are neither funny or family appropriate "uhhh....I'm staring at a half naked fat chick and if I don't send this to 40 of my friends, I'm going to receive bad luck?"

"Do I even HAVE 40 friends?"

My Aunt Judith lives in California. She didn't catch on to this "email thing" until about 3 years ago. On Saturday, she sent me something that I actually found to be extremely enjoyable. I'm certain Jersey Girl, Sandman, and Joey P will get a chuckle from this.

Just received the NY Giants DVD in the mail. During the London portion of the DVD, I enjoyed watching Sam Madison walk up to an Englishman with a 49ers hat and say, "You like San Francisco? You know we just whipped them last week, right?"

This keeps me occupied while I wait for the highly anticipated flicks Bachelor Party 2 and No Country for Old Men (talk about the spectrum of good and stench) to arrive via blockbuster.com.

I just watched Michael Clayton this week. It was good, but Best Picture worthy? I don't think so. American Gangster was much better. I'd even pay to see Knocked Up before watching George Clooney's tired act for another 2 hours. It's amazing how for good looks can get you. Of course, Seal is the big exception to that rule.

Just added a 6th game to our trip. Yanks at O's on April 20th. Nice work by Mr. Becht!

Mogwai and Motorola

2008-03-06T20:46:00.008-05:00

My brother is big into thinking up new inventions. I think he may have tried to patent a few of them...the Amazing Shammy and the smokeless ashtray (with apologies to the late Hoyt Axton's character Randall Peltzer of Gremlins fame) not among them. On a side note, I did always want my own Mogwai but I guess my mom knew of my inability to keep a fish alive for more than 3 weeks and didn't want our town to go the way of Kingston Falls.

What about getting back at the criminals? Screw the scumbag who tries to swipe my hot ride.

Someone needs to invent a device that triggers an electric shock when your car is stolen. Granted there are probably plenty of legalities to overcome to get such a mechanism in your automobile, like the "rights" of the thief trying to steal your car.....The "Stealer Shocker"

Maybe it could be a smaller shock.....a few steps up from the feeling received while watching one of those 3-D productions at Disney like Honey, I Shrunk the Audience. And if you're going to Disney and I ruined the surprise for you, well...then let me add to the anger.....Dumbledore is dead and the chick in The Crying Game is really a dude. Piss off.

At the start of the month, New Jersey started enforcing a new ban on cell phones. Drivers must use hands-free devices or they may be given a $100 ticket. More money for the PBA ball! One report shows that reading while driving is a bigger distraction. Nothing like the morning paper to go with a glass of gridlock.

However, I disagree with both assessments.

My vote might go to the more dangerous, "trying to plug in the headset and dialing the phone while driving." I realize there are cars with the option of having a built-in bluetooth (this was not an option in my "hot ride", pictured above). I'm sorry.....I'm still living in the 2005s....yes, I still own a VCR.....I still dial the phone manually and figure out how to plug in the headset, trying to find a tiny hole that's more difficult to find that Bin Laden.

Yes, I could have taken the low road there.....but I didn't.

Other considerations:

Eating those irresistible fries in the adjacent bag from McDonalds

Digging in the bottom of the bag for those extra loose fries from McDonalds

Realizing that you've dropped fries on the car mat and reach for the loose food product, dislocating your arm in the process

Seizures resulting from the 30,000th replay of Sean Kingston's "Take Your There"

Ridiculous potholes from the wintry weather, making the roads of Union County seem like that of downtown Bahgdad.

Moron rubbernecks who turn to stare at an accident and slow down traffic even more than has been already done (this would also automatically trigger a jolt from the "Stealer Shocker")

Tough week for Patrick Swayze. He was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, the same illness that ended my father's life nearly 6 years ago. The major hurdle with pancreatic cancer is the fact there is no early detection method. By the time it's found, it's usually already too late. Please mark October 5th on your calendars....that's the 2nd Annual Picnic for Pancan in Clark, N.J. to help raise money to education and fund pancreatic cancer research. I hope the best for Patrick and he recovers from this....even with the difficult odds to overcome.

And for the Sandman, line of the night on American Idol....after Danny Noriega was voted off....Ryan Seacrest handed him the mic and told him, "Eat it up Danny."

I'm sure he will.

A Day Full of Georges

2008-02-18T14:51:00.007-05:00

Should be an exciting week for me. Heading to see Foof Ighters Tuesday night with a friend at MSG. Foof always puts on a good show.

With the day off from work (thanks Abe, George, George, George, etc.), I took the opportunity to tour Yankee Stadium with my brother and niece.

The new stadium is a stone's throw away from the old one. I was surprised with how much progress has been made for (and I'm using the tour guide's words) The House That George Built.

The tour was pretty quick but hit all of the key sites. It was a little difficult to hear our tour guide at times but it was Yankee Stadium, so I really didn't care too much what he had to bring to the table.

The interesting part came at the end of the tour. My brother uses a camcorder in lieu of a digital camera. We had no problem getting into the tour and when the security guard saw the video camera, he said, "No videos!"

My brother explained that he was taking still shots and the guy didn't have a problem with picture taking....only videos.

I'm not clear as to why this is a stadium policy, but it is. I mean, we have no intention of capturing the full hour tour (including the trip on the elevator where I felt like a sardine or the jam-packed dugout or the 4 minutes we spent in Monument Park) and selling it on ebay. I'm sure that could get top dollar.....OR take shots of Clemens locker complete with tubs of HGH, steroids, and some type of fish tranquilizer. There were no secrets to the tour. I thought the Camden Yards ballpark tour was a million times better.....but still, rules are the rules.

No videotaping. The individuals from Jamaica, Cuba, Mexico, and Haiti made it very clear to us.

As we went further along on the tour, a female security guard (the lovely Jasmine Higgins....who I hope spends the rest of her life working the $7/hour job as a security guard in the Bronx) started giving us a nasty look. While in the locker room (where no photos can be taken....and we obliged), she continued to stare us down, making it very uncomfortable for all of us.

As we came to the close of the tour, Miss Higgins (and I say Miss because no man would want to marry this ugly wench) camped out behind us and saw my brother using his video camera to get a still shot of centerfield. She demanded to have his camera and delete everything on it (including STILL pictures of family related events). I guess this advanced technology hasn't hit that part of Mexico, yet.

We were promptly escorted out of the press box by a guard who used the phrase, "I understand" about 30 times. When we came across the man in charge of security, who was a joy with whom to deal, he didn't care that we were taking pictures. He was more intent on protecting the sanctity of the $15 Yankee Stadium Tour.

After this experience, I didn't decide to become a Mets fan (I'd rather eat my own feces....something the Sandman tends to do every October)....but it did sour my experience of the entire organzation. Luckily, we got to see all four key parts of the tour (press box, park, dugout, locker room) before they realized we were a threat to the billion dollar Yankee empire.

In other news

JBecht and I are planning a trip to see 5 stadiums in 5 days.

4/21 Cardinals at Brewers

4/22 Mets at Cubs (day); Yankees at White Sox (night)

4/23 Rangers at Tigers...possibly meet up with VFR and Reako.

4/24 Mets at Nats

Needless to say, I am fired up.

I guess it would make sense to send my regards to George, who is probably working another late shift at one of NYC's largest publications.

Thank you Mr. Sandman for this. It's extremely difficult to do so without laughing. Hard.

And on a more somber note, I have mentioned Professor Randy Pausch in the past. He has pancreatic cancer and was told in August that he had 3-6 months to live. Here is an 11 minute abbreviated version of the lecture to his students. He's a tremendous person and role model.

Now Starring in Pinocchio, The Rocket

2008-02-13T18:10:00.005-05:00

Should I ever find myself in a particularly difficult predicament (argument that I can't win, whether I should go with the Diet Coke or Pepsi, figuring out women, trying to decipher a Rubik's Cube), I am going to call Roger Clemens.

This guy is trying everything to get around the truth. Where is Colonel Jessup when we need him, VFR?

Based on what I've seen (and many others with which I've discussed this matter), Roger Clemens isn't just full of HGH...he's also full of...well, you know what. It doesn't make me happy as a baseball fan (and no team is safe from this steroid epidemic as all franchises have been affected in one way or another) that the sport my father and many other parents used to create a bond with their children is being torn apart by athletes looking to get an advantange. And I don't want to hear the argument that HGH and steroids were illegal at the time. They were illegally used in this country and sports should be governed by the same rules that we have to live by. Unless you're one of the Congressmen who are investigating this ordeal, then the sky is the limit.

When you consider that the all time home run leader (Bonds), all time hits leader (Pete Rose), and arguably the most dominant pitcher in recent history (Clemens) have all done significant damage to the country's greatest pastime, it really sickens me.

It's a good thing O.J. didn't chose to play baseball for a living.

While listening to the radio today, I heard a talk show host rip Andy Pettitte for teling the truth during his deposition last week. Instead of saying what he knew, he should have used the "I don't recall" or "I'm not 100 % sure" line and helped his friend off the hook.

A very LARGE hook, I might add.

None of us can say for sure what we'd do in that situation. However, I can empathize with what Pettitte did and won't rip him for telling the truth. I was never really good at lying and most of the time I dug my hole so deep that I could have reached China. And I'm not defending him just because Mr. Pettitte (#46 for those scoring at home....and I know you are Mr. Pendleton and the Sandman) is my mom's favorite player. Yes, it's great to be loyal to a friend but when the possibility exists of going to jail and reenacting scenes from "Oz" or that painful two minute in The Shawshank Redemption, I'm probably covering my own arse. As Wyclef and Akon would say, "25 to life ain't no joke."

Let's just hope I don't ever have to testify against The Sandman. Not...that...I've....ever seen him do anything illegal before.

Random shots

Is it me or should the Republicans on the U.S. House of Representatives Committee on Oversight and Government Reform the biggest clowns of them all? Is Clemens paying these cats? They were attacking Brian McNamee while everything he said went right along the lines of Pettitte and Chaz Knoublach. McNamee's lawyer claims that even if Clemens is convicted on perjury charges, he's so close with "Dubya" that he will be pardoned anyway. I just took another step in checking the box near Obama this November.

Congrats to the GMen for taking the Super Bowl trophy. It ranked among the 1996 World Series as moments that really sent a chill down my spine. Worst thing about the Super Bowl....watching the beer commercials that will be replayed ad nauseum for the next 8 months. Yes, the cute little Indian dude saying "Baaa Light" with dame on arm is funny. The first 23 times...maybe.

On a similar note.....my sports withdrawal will be ending shortly. Pitchers and catchers report this week! That means another 23,000 AFLAC commercials! I'm thinking Yogi Berra can live comfortably on residuals alone.

"I can't believe Herbie Hancock won the Grammy for album of the year," -- my quote that was met with plenty of laughs from the teenage students in my classroom earlier today. Forget about trying to go over reducing fractions at 10 bells today. Maybe I should have broken into a discussion about Dollar Dollar Bill, Y'all. Thank you, Wyclef Jean and Akon for allowing two references in one entry. (I just gained about 100 hits by putting those kids in this blog entry.....if the

While it will be difficult to one up Jersey Girl, here's some more of Mr. Berman. The third one has more F-bombs than a NYC taxi cab driver during rush hour. And the fourth one makes me wonder if he didn't go to the Isiah Thomas School of Broadcasting. Hey Chris...harass is one word.

Finally, a hearty congrats to The Good Professor for 10 years at Gannett's Bridgewater bureau. I'd say here's to another 10 years, but that might not be taken in a good light.

An Angry Berman

2008-01-31T18:47:00.000-05:00

This is Casem Kasemesque.

I guess no one beats the %&*$ out of the wagons like Chris Berman.

A Giant Party

2008-01-21T09:14:00.000-05:00

Several years ago, my family threw me a surprise party for my 30th bday (Eli Manning attended...as you can plainly see). I figured something might be in the works because all of my friends were hit with their own shindigs during the year (Except for Ralphmazz who I think turns 30 sometime in 2011).

When I opened the door to my mom's hut, I was greeted with a "SURPRISE!" which was shocking but I was blown away with who was actually there: Joe Pendleton and Mrs. Pendleton among the crowd......my roommate from freshman year....some camp people I hadn't seen in awhile.....my lost issues of Maxim that I had been searching for prior to my moving out of my mom's house.....

It wasn't so much the event occurring was but more who was there.

The New York Giants are playing in the Super Bowl. The Super Bowl happens every year.....along with a trip to Rog2k+8's to hang with some friends. That's always a good time but now I get to watch the my squad try to win a World Championship. Once again, it's not as much the event but now who is there.

That doesn't happen often. Just ask this cat.

I don't want to think of the GeeeeeeeMen as sacrificial lambs especially against a team that is nearly a two touchdown favorite. However, I have some reasons why the Giants will win the game

Road Warriors: Yes, I'm already sick of hearing this...and it's less than 24 hours from the NFC Championship game win over the Packers. The Giants have won 10 straight on the road. While this isn't a road game, it is a game away from East Rutherford -- a place where the Giants haven't been able to grab too many wins. It may have been a jealousy factor that Gate D didn't hold as much entertainment as there was at Jets games.

Team of destiny: After winning games as underdogs throughout the playoffs, the Giants weren't given much of a shot to get this far (that sounds alot like the expectations on me to finish cross country races in high school....amazingly I made it....so what if I couldn't move for the next 2 weeks). The Giants should be very loose for this game. This is a team that went into Green Bay and pulled out a victory in remarkably adverse weather conditions. -4 degrees? When it's 20 degrees out and snowing, the news stations tell us not to go outside because it's so cold. The guys were out there for FOUR hours and still managed a "W". I'm sure they were thrilled when they found out the game was going into OT. That's almost like hearing this at age 15, "Hey Saul.....they screwed up the circumcision when you were a newborn. Can you get on that table for a second?"

19-0: Do you honestly believe any team will go undefeated in the NFL? I still hold out hope. I'm also praying that Denise Richards gets lost in my complex and knocks on my door looking for a place to rest. Hopefully, Charlie Sheen won't be breaking the restraining order, waiting in the car.

The New York Giants have NEVER lost a Super Bowl! (when they've faced AFC East teams)

Manning factor: One Manning won it last year, so keeping it in the family is a must. Cheer up Bears fans, Ricky Manning, Jr. is up next year!

I won't go into the reasons why the Giants have no chance in this game.....but does anyone want to see the Patriots win another title? Half of these guys are already in the Hall of Fame. After 20 years, Jeff Feagles is due.

On a final note: My brother created a website for the "folically impaired." Bald people all over should check out Chrome Magazine, a site where people can share stories of losing their hair. He beat me to the punch. So plans are in the works to make a website for people who can share stories of losing their minds.

I believe that's most of us.

Welcome Home!

2008-01-10T18:14:00.001-05:00

Occasionally, a story in the newspaper catches my eye. I subscribe to the Star Ledger and usually do a quick perusal of the news section....maybe if I was a reader of the Trentonian, I would be more entralled by the half naked playmate that occurs on a regular basis.

I know the Sandman is a big fan.

I have been following the tale about the two fugitives that escaped from a Union County jail several weeks ago. The prisoners burrowed a hole in a jail cell and covered it with bikini-clad women.

After causing the suicide of a security guard due to a ill-conceived escape note that thanked him for helping the escape, the duo was recaptured over the last few days. From what I've read about these clowns (and I'm not putting their names in this blog because with the lax security at these jails, I don't need either of these two doing a google search on their names, "Mattingly" and "Sandman" and hunting me down), this wasn't a case of wrongly-accused Andy Dufresne trying to flee Shawshank.

One of the two was housed in a basement in Elizabeth. The other went to Mexico and stayed in a "flophouse".....which, to my surprise, is not the nickname for the International House of Pancakes.

When asked about getting caught, Blunt said, "Ain't nobody was trying to get away, I could have gotten away if I wanted to."

Ummm...excuse me? You were in MEXICO. You weren't trying to get away? Last time I checked, I don't think Mexico was a right turn off of any stret in the Elmora section of Elizabeth.

Don't get me wrong...there are times I felt like I was lost in E-town and thought I was in Mexico but that wasn't the case, homey. The 7-11 on Morris Ave. still took dollars and not pesos.

Here are the reasons I might go to Mexico:

1) Vacation in Cancun or Cozamel or any other Punta de whatever resort.

2) Feed my drug habit. No mom, I don't have a drug habit.....but if I did, then I'd take the first flight to Mexico City. (I'm sure she'll still call me...worrying that I'm whacked out on crack with the Sandman)

3) Escape from the law after I burrowed a hole in a jail cell and covered it with bikini-clad women as part of my plan for freedom.

I'm sure these guys will get off easy.

Hope you enjoyed that trip to McDonald's gentlemen. You won't be there again for awhile.

On a final note, I was sad to hear of Sir Edmund Hillary's (1919-2008) passing. We will never forget the legacy he left for all of those who truly appreciate everything in the world. And I'll never forget the first time I heard about Hillary's Comet. I was in elementary school at the time....I think it was 1986....it happens only like every 80 years or something....

Wait a minute....I think that's the wrong guy.

Never mind.

Happy Holidays

2007-12-27T19:43:00.000-05:00

Every year my mother gets a XMas card from an old friend that includes not only the card but also a HUGE 2 page letter that's written in what looks like 6 point font that wraps up EVERYTHING that individual has done the past year. Here's an example of what it includes:

February 27 -- Had a really great day. Woke up. Went to the bathroom. Got out of bed.

March 10 -- Drove to North Jersey to visit my grandkids. Boy how they've grown. I played peek-a-boo with them. They laughed. I laughed. Then we ate lunch. They are so cute. Blah blah blah obvious crap.....blah blah blah....more obvious crap.

June 2 -- Took a breath today. Really enjoyed the oxygen that I breathed in. Plus, I think I emitted some quality carbon dioxide for the trees around me. My how nature is so beautiful.

Is this a normal thing? Maybe a few lines of what's gone on could be more effective. Maybe answer the following questions:

-- Did anyone die?

-- Was anyone born?

-- Did anyone get married?

and then move on with "Love, Your name"

Fortunately, I won't bore you with a letter and waste paper. Instead, I will waste internet space. As I complete my final blog for the 2007 year, I think back to all of the great and not so great things that I've done over the past 12 months. My Top 7 (because I was too lazy to come up with 10.....and I figure I'm going to get a "Joker....you forgot to name an event" from my mother).....in no particular order:

-- Graduated from Kean with my Masters degree. You know what this means? Now I get a "Dr." in front of my name. That's right....I'm not sure if you knew this but my real name is Feelgood Joker. The secret is out people.

-- Broke a 25 year dry spell and ventured to Disney World with E. It was one of the best trips I have ever been on. Unless you count the time I went to Disney World when I was 5. My family did go on that trip but the fact it involved no Epcot or alcohol gives the 2007 trip the edge.

-- Received my first iPod from E. Nice job by my brother passing along this tip: To get songs for your ipod, go to the local library and borrow some CDs. I was shocked at the titles they had when I walked into my local biblioteca for the first time since I had to do that 3rd grade shoebox report on the state of New Jersey. It was exciting. Trust me.

-- Purchased a Honda Civic this week (and no, it's not the same as the picture....but this is my blog so piss off). The car is blue and works. Two key things I wanted in a car purchase. This is certain to bolster my status as a chick magnet. I may have to change my name to McLovin', Jr.

-- Jumped on the Munchmobile for a seafood ride. Then I was told to get off. The police were involved....it was a mess. But the scallops were damn good!

-- Watched the last episode of the Sopranos. I think after 8 months I finally have come to this conclusion about the ending.

-- Last but not least.....I was able to help plan and contribute to a pancreatic cancer fund raiser this past October. Thanks for all who donated and attended. I can't wait until next year's bigger and better Picnic for Pancan!

That brings me to my final point....

My mother sent me a link about Randy Pausch, a professor at Carnegie Melon University. Dr. Pausch is dying of pancreatic cancer (the same thing my father had). He gave a lecture at CMU that pretty much summed up his life and discussed key life lessons he wanted to pass along to his three young children.

THIS is a true hero. Check out the Lecture of a Lifetime. I watch this video and think about all of the things that life has to offer. I don't want to get sentimental here but watching Dr. Pausch remain positive even in the most dire circumstances is something to admire.

Someone once said, "Everyday is a gift from God." Dr. Pausch is truly living this for as long as he has left.

Enjoy your new year and may all of you have an even better 2008.

Open Letter to Greg Schiano

2007-12-07T18:33:00.000-05:00

Dear Greg (can I call you Greg? I mean, you ARE big time. You're more popular in this state than the governor, both of the state's NFL starting quarterbacks...which might not be saying much, and even Joe Pesci but you still have a ways to go before getting past Jon Bongiovi and Bruce...and I'm not talking about Bruce Hornsby),

First of all, I apologize for calling for your head during your dismal first three seasons. Part of it was almost second nature for a young Rutgers fan. It used to be a coaching cycle that went like this:

Step A. Hire New Coach.

Step B. Watch new coach get one star recruit, prompting excitement from hundreds of Rutgers fans all over the country. (Or maybe I meant "hundred")

Step C. Watch newspapers quote players stating the following "It definitely feels different in a good way", "I think this is the year for a bowl", "Our guys are practicing better and there's a better feeling here now", "He's the right man for the job"...blah blah blah)

Step D. Watch star recruit transfer/flunk out of college/flunk out of prep school/flunk out of high school/get into trouble with law/suffer car accident/transfer to legit school with more than 20,000 fans a game/fail to gain Visa to get into country.

Step E. Watch recruiting classes rival that of Buffalo, Central Florida, Apex Tech and Bergen Catholic (ok...maybe they weren't THAT good)

Step F. Fire coach. Go to Step A.

Football, basketball...didn't matter. The steps were the same for arguably the worst program in Division I-A football, which is now known as the FBCBS League or something....I think CBS is paying the NCAA to get those letters in...anything to add to the bowl revenue that makes a mockery of the national championship hunt.

But you proved me wrong. Who cares if you won 11 games in 2006? Just getting OVER .500 was an achievement. Nice job. Even I've criticized you for not winning many great games in your tenure. I have thought about it since then....who would be better for this job? Who can galvanize the state like you have? This was a job NO one wanted. The kid who bounced from foster home to foster home. The doll with one eye. The black and white television set. The car with 250,000 miles on it (which reminds me....does anyone know where I can get a good deal on a Honda Accord?)

Today, you turned down a chance to hang out with Reako and take over one of the more prestigious jobs in the country. (Prestigious....not the oldest jobs....we all know that's the one in Piscataway....which was known as "Piss-cataway" before 2004).

Shocking. But it shows you have some character. Had you left, the state would have been devastated. And it's not just Rutgers people who have jumped on the bandwagon. I've even seen some Seton Hall fans tell me they're into the Scarlet Knights. Seton Hall fans cheering for Rutgers? Almost seems like vegetarians sponsoring the Nathan's Hot Dog Competition.

"Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together - mass hysteria."

- Bill Murray as Dr. Peter Venkman in Ghostbusters (1984).

Will you bolt as soon as Joe Paterno drops dead during a 30-6 loss to Ohio State in a few years? Many say you will. But I'd like you to prove me wrong again. Just like I was proven wrong when I turned down a Ken Griffey Upper Deck rookie card for $3 back in 1989 (it eventually jumped to $50 and woul dhave been a better investment than that Jerome Williams rookie card that I spent $20 on). OR just like when I said no to that lifetime supply of Propecia as a contestant on Deal or No Deal (yeah, that was a dream....but it felt real at the time).

Thanks for staying at Rutgers. Thanks for giving us something to look forward to when our baseball teams choke in October or November.

Now can you please beat West Virginia?

Once?

I know, I know....beggars can't be choosers.

Best wishes and happy holidays,

The Joker

Oy-siah

2007-12-01T09:52:00.000-05:00

Ok, I admit it. I was rooting against the New York Knicks last night.

I joined all 5 other New Jersey Nets fans in this country, hoping the Knicks would fall against the Milwaukee Bucks Friday night. It obviously wasn't to get a beter draft pick....I'm sure the Knicks will give that away for some journeyman guard. But I still was praying....hoping that a loss might be the straw that breaks the camels back. Or in this case, the Isiah's back.

Would that be the loss that finally caused the KING of Clowns in a Suit (thank you Localshill) to get his walking papers? Or would James Dolan see beyond the losses and circus atmosphere and continue to give this man a job? We've lost games, we've lost hair (a LOT of it), we've lost the good professor as a fan, we've lost our minds....what else can we lose before a change is made?

The amazing thing is.....I have a feeling some foolish NBA owner will give him another head coaching job at some point in the future. So what that Tim Donaghy has more credibility in the league than Thomas?

I've learned that teams during downswings tend to not include that as part of their history. If you look here, the seasons after 2001 aren't even listed. Did the Knicks stop playing after 9/11? Maybe the topics for each era (or error) after '01 can be listed like this.

2001-2002: Giving Nets a Boost in NYC Area. 2002-03: We Actually Miss Ewing. 2004: The Brown Year (and we don't mean "Yellow in the front; Brown in the Back" years...or maybe we do). 2005-07: Katrina only the 2nd biggest disaster in the U.S.

I thought about what would happen to other professionals who performed about as well as Isiah Thomas, a 39-59 record (39.7 winning %) in two seasons as head coach and many more losses as GM, at their respective jobs:

Cleaning lady: What if my cleaning lady only showed up 40 % of the time? Could you imagine the stench from the Sandman's bathroom? The Health Department would be called in to evacuate a 10 block radius around my complex. I'd be lying on the streets, begging for food and clothes. "Yes, a 2001 Knicks NBA Champions t-shirt! Thank you Dollar Store!"

Rutgers coach: Actually, prior to the Schiano era, winning 40 % of games might have gotten you a long extension and maybe a stadium named after you. Maybe this is a bad example.

President of the U.S. -- uh....another bad example.

Quick flicks

Does anyone care about boxing anymore? After the De la Hoya fight a few months back, it seems like the sport just took a leap off of a cliff and plummeted to its death alongside Tom Glavine's career, the Betamax player, and Eric Mangini's chances of scoring another cameo in the Sopranos movie. The sport is clouded by crooked promoters and there are about 50 current "champions" (I think I ran into one while buying drill bits at ACE Hardware yesterday). Hmmm....almost sounds like the state of New Jersey high school football.

Rutgers fans are upset over a 7-5 season. I realize expectations were lofty but can we remember where this program was a few years ago? I'll never forget that 0-11 season my senior year....those were the years I was BEGGING to trade places with Syracuse. Not so much anymore.
Eli Manning was and never will be a big time quarterback. With that stated, there is a chance the Giants will have a chance of winning a Super Bowl....not this season but in the future.....if they work on making the defense the best unit in football. The Baltimore Ravens set a blueprint by winning a title with Trent Dilfer, but the Giants are more likely to make too many draft day mistakes to put 11 outstanding defensive players on the field.

Only 11 months until the Presidential Election! Will this woman win? I would think not.

The Name Game

2007-10-13T19:19:00.000-04:00

Is it me or are there a growing number of football players with unusual names? My mother always told us that she gave all of her kids short names in case we were slow and couldn't spell them.

She may have been right on one account.

But the names of some of these athletes have me scratching my head. Boys named after horses? Who names a kid "Colt"? JaMarcus? Does this border on child abuse?

First I saw Colt Brennan at Texas and then Colt David pops up at LSU.

(Note: I checked the Mississippi State roster and there is no Feline Louis or Canine Williams listed)

There is a BenJarvus, a LaDerrick AND a Sen'Derrick (because Derrick just wasn't good enough), an Eryk (you think he got irritated when he saw cups with the names "Erik" and "Eric" at the local Great Adventure?), a Quindarius, a T-Bob (the son of former Saints QB Bobby Hebert...what the hell was HE thinking? maybe it was all the blows to the head while playing for that awful franchise).

Don't get me wrong....I'm sure these are all terrifc gentlemen....after all, I don't want Shukree coming to find me and drop me like it's hot or anything....

Maybe the government needs to declare some type of Martial Law and take over the naming of all kids South of the Mason-Dixon line.

Because we DEFINITELY don't want to commit abuse like this.

Poor guy.

There's Only One October...

2007-10-04T12:27:00.001-04:00

"Do you REALLY think the Yankees are going to make the playoffs?"

-- Local Shill prior to a spring softball tilt when the Yankees were 14 games out

"Yes."

-- My response

"Cat, you're crazy."

-- Local shill

How much did it suck to be a Mets/Rutgers/Jets fan this past weekend?

I hope Local Shill is doing OK.....I didn't have a chance to check in with him or many other Mess fans to see if they jumped off a cliff after the debacle that was the month of September. While I have received numerous emails/texts from Mess fans after the Yanks have lost in the playoffs (Keywords: "In the playoffs"), I opted to use some restraint. I had the picture of ARod with a pocketbook sent to me by many...including one Sandman, who was seen purchasing Prozac and various other "medications" after a certain Hall of Famer let his squad down.

Maybe he's still on the Braves payroll.

As I was watching the Phillies eliminate our friends from Flushing, this popped on the TV. I couldn't believe they aired Dane Cook playing up the Mess playoff appearance.

I understand how much it hurts and what it feels like to have other people (especially Yankees fans) dwelling on this....but if you're going to dish it out, then you have to be willing to take it. Those days after Boston rallied back from an 0-3 hole were dreadful. I know the "What number is Babe Ruth" comment is coming from Joe Pendleton.

Cheer up though....only 5 months till pitchers and catchers report!

Moving on from that train wreck (why don't they just rename CitiField, Brittany Spears Park?)

It came as a surprise to many that Rutgers wasn't able to knock off Maryland. Well, anyone who takes a look at this defense realizes that this isn't the same unit as a year ago. Plus, Brian Leonard's absence seems to have left some question marks with leadership. The Scarlet Knights didn't show as much energy as I saw in the win against Louisville last season.

Everyone is crazy about Greg Schiano, and I don't want to start second-guessing the guy...especially when no Rutgers coach has been able to do what he's been able to do on the job. But he has more bad losses in his tenure (even over the past 3-4 years) than he has victories. This was just more of the same.

Here's a quick overview....I didn't go back to 2004 because that loss to New Hampshire cancels out any argument someone could have with the with against Michigan State.

Great/good wins...Louisville (2006).....the greatest win in Rutgers history...28-25. Fans storm the field and people actually aren't embarassed asking for the red Rutgers Football shirt anymore.

Ruggers sokkah? That's a different story. Why is the man to the right smiling? Could it be the 3-6-1 record and 7th place record in the 8-team Big East Red Division? I love how the history section of the boys soccer page ends at 1997. Have they played any games since I graduated?

Two trips past the first round of the NCAAs in 10 years isn't acceptable.

As for football, that's pretty much it. There hasn't been another game all season that Rutgers won that they shouldn't have won. Yes, there have been close calls (WVU and Arizona State), but a loss is stil a loss.

Bad losses

2005--33-30 OT loss to Illinois. The opener on national TV turns into a stenchfest when Elizabeth product E.B. Halsey sends the game into overtime with a late TD reception and rally from a 20 point deficit.

2006--Following a win against Louisville, the Scarlet Knight end an undefeated season and national championship talk with a 30-11 loss in a huge letdown game. I'm just thankful TE Brett Celek won't be playing in this weekend's affair.

2007--A 16.5 pt favorite to Maryland turns into a 34-24 loss. What could have been worse? It's an ACC school and we all know what we think of that conference.

You can't lose to Cincinnati for the 2nd straight year this weekend. If Rutgers can hold onto the ball, it should be able to pull out the victory.

Now, it's on to the first round for the Yanks. There have been plenty of debates on the radio and TV regarding what would be the reaction like if ARod goes 0-for-4 in the first game against the Indians tonight. Despite an MVP season, ARod is still under plenty of pressure to get the job done....and that starts with game 1. That's definitely going to be a harbinger for the rest of the series.

World Series Pick: Yankees vs. Rockies (can anyone stop Colorado at this point?)

Back...but not really

2007-09-03T20:24:00.000-04:00

I feel like it's been awhile since I've posted on here. Well, it will be a little longer until I post something noteworthy....come to think of it, I don't think I have ever posted anything noteworthy on here....but that's another issue.

It was an eventful summer. Took my first trip to Walt Disney's place in 25 years. I was impressed...but since I'm impressed by a dog dropping a batch, that isn't saying much.

Some quick highlights:

While I was there with E, we managed to find this restaurant called Seasons52. One of the best restaurants I have ever visited. Each dish has under 475 calories and the prices were reasonable. It's too bad they only have franchises in Georgia and Florida though. I am considering driving down there just for some Black Ponzu Cod.

Caught a showing of Cirque du Soleil. Thinking it was a glorified high school gymnastics competition, I wasn't expecting much from this show. It was well worth the price of admissions (especially when E paid for the tickets). Recommended for anyone traveling to the Orlando area.

Best park was Epcot (although MGM was a close second). They have a World Showcase with about 10 countries surrounding this huge pond. The coolest thing was the people who worked in each "county" were actually from that country. Unless their nametags were lying to us. I don't think Walter D's ancestors would do that to us.

Would he?

First day back to work tomorrow. Is it June yet?

Lastly, the cancer advocacy organzation for which I volunteer is having a BBQ on October 14th. More info to come....but clear those schedules, please!

RU Screw

2007-08-11T19:12:00.000-04:00

When I went to Rutgers, it seemed as though nothing could go right. A winning streak would turn into an even longer losing streak. A top 100 recruit wouldn't A) qualify, B) sign the committment, C) be able to get a Visa from his country of origin.

It was always something.

Now, it seems as though Rutgers can do no wrong.

Until now. Turns out there's a fan who wants to visit each Division I-A football stadium....all 119 of them (now 120 with Western Ky joining the fray....can't trust a school with "KY" in the name). Of course when he shows up at State U, they manage to screw it up....check out the blog.

THAT'S the Rutgers I used to know and love. Welcome back. If I didn't know better, you'd almost think a troll with glasses was the representative from sports information.

"Check ya notes."

Breakfast, Munch, and Dinner

2007-07-29T13:22:00.000-04:00

By no means am I a food connoisseur. I've made more trips to Wendy's in my lifetime than most adults my age (except maybe The Sandman....he's such a good customer that I think they offer him delivery service at no additional charge). But when I saw the opportunity to jump onboard the Munchmobile, I had to take advantage....purely for shtick purposes. (I do have to apologize as I have misplaced my digital camera and don't have pics to put up.....yet)

About 3 months ago, I saw an article by Pete Genovese requesting applications for a spot to "Get on DA van." (those Rutgers media giants in the late 90s would understand that reference from a rolly-polly incompetent clown who used to say "Check ya notes")

I sent in an email and several weeks later received a reply that I had made the cut. I was a muncher. Nearly 13 years after my name initially appeared in the paper courtesy of a 6-0, 6-1 1st doubles victory over then-winless Bound Brook, I was set to have my mug in the state's largest paper again.

The "munchers" were notified via email about 18 hours prior to the outing where we needed to meet. As I parked in the fenced in lot, several things raced through my head:

How would people react to a 10-seat van with a large hot dog rolling by them?

How much food could I consume in a 12-hour period?

Did I leave the iron on?

We were not told where we were going or how long our trip would take. I admit, there was some apprehension that Mr. Genovese would be bringing us all to the Nike factory to make shoes for 12 cents an hour. Those fears were quelled when we went to the first stop: Caldwell Seafood.

We were allowed to order anything on the menu (as long as it was seafood). All food would be shared by each "muncher," and we had to wait for the photographer to take pictures before consumption. It sounded a lot like the ground rules set by Loshin Photography and the Clinton Manor at my bar mitzvah.

On a side note, I think we're still waiting for the photo album from that event.

Much like all of the places on our journey across about 8 counties, Caldwell Seafood had some of the best fish that I have consumed in my lifetime. Then again, the salmon roll at Stop 'N Shop probably shouldn't be used as a valid comparison.

I really enjoyed the garlic shrimp. Shrimp is a favorite of mine (not just because I am 5-foot-6.....5-foot-10 in heels) and the meal was coated with just enough garlic. The calamari balsamico wasn't as spicy as I feared it might be and that suited me perfectly. If I visited the establishment again, these would definitely be atop my list of things to order. The clam chowder soups were rather bland and the least tasty of anything on the trip. However, I was in the minority and enjoyed the lobster bisque, which had large chunks of lobster mixed into the soup. The cajun grilled scallops were also not too spicy and a side of sauteed spinach was a pleasant addition to the dish.

Instead of wolfing down everything, I saved a little room for our next stop. Out to Flemington (God's Country as Mr. Frezza would say) and the Blue Fish Grill. By far the most inexpensive stop on our trek, BFG had butterfly shrimp that was unspectacular. Normally, I would finish off any remaining shrimp, but there were still some left when the food was deposited into the garbage....along with my retainer. I keeeed, I keeeed. Initially, I though the idea behind the the fish tacos was innovative, but they were a little too spicy and I didn't like the avocado dip that accompanied it. The New England lobster roll was very tasty and the yellow fin tuna was a very good value and just tender enough. This coming from someone who usually avoids tuna like the plague. The chips that came with the sandwiches lacked flavor. Last but not least, the talapia was grilled and you could tell by the taste. I enjoyed that dish.

Then came the LONG trek down the shore. For a while, it seemed as though the Munchmobile van would be my new permanent mailing address. After what seemed like 3 hours of driving (the Parkway wasn't even touched once), we ended up at M & M Steam Bar in Beach Haven (or better known as Long Beach Island). Similar to the fish markets seen in Seattle, M & M featured an open-air setting with fresh lobsters greeting you in several tanks near the entrance. This was the first place were adults would stand by the van and take pictures alongside their kids. We were Food Superstars. OK...maybe not. On to the review.

The soups were phenomenal, particularly both clam chowders. I disliked the spicy swordfish, I needed plenty of water to soothe my tongue. My favorite dish was the king crab legs, which had the perfect amount of seasoning. Raw clams and oysters were ordered but I stayed away from them much like baseball's elite players do the same with the Kansas City Royals. No shrimp was ordered. Yes, I made a mistake.

Finally, we went north (using the Parkway) and stopped near the Holmdel exit. I thought were were going to see Barnes and Barnes at PNC Arts Center. Barnes and Barnes, of course, authored the classic tune "Fish Heads" -- a song that the children of Joe Pendleton enjoy thoroughly.

Instead, we were taken to The Pirate's Cove Restaurant on the Bay. Despite no appearance from Johnny Depp and friends, the Pirates Cove was my favorite stop of the day. It had a very intimate setting along Belford Bay. The seared scallops, which were complemented beautifully with mushrooms, were out of this world. The soups were good but the lobster bisque was topped with lobster that didn't seem like was part of the soup. Although it seemed a tad pricy at $25, the stuffed shrimp was delicious and my favorite of the main entrees. The rice that came with it was the best of any place on the trip with a great mix of onions and flavor. The lobster didn't impress and was rather plain. We were also greeted with a fantastic array of desserts that capped off one of the more entertaining days of the year.

By the end of the trip, it was midnight and there's nothing like driving through Newark (where there were still dozens of people roaming the streets despite being the middle of the night). At one point, I think I had a yellow stream running down my leg.

Maybe it's a good thing I lost my camera.

While it's not a beer count....I managed to share about 36 HUGE servings of seafood, make 5 trips to the bathroom for "Ogre"-like urinations, travel about 150 miles (conservative estimate), digest about 30 shrimp (or as my students say, "shrimps"), and spend 14 hours "working" for the state's largest newspaper.

Wanted: Honest Politicians

2007-07-13T23:36:00.000-04:00

Are there any good-hearted politicians out there?

Prior to my matriculation at Rutgers, I was passionate about politics. Midway through my college career (and just 6 months prior to meeting Joe Pendleton, Jersey Girl, and Dr. Carino), I had the opportunity to attend the Republican Convention in San Diego. It was one of the most amazing experiences of my life. At the time, I was a staunch Republican (4 years in education has changed many of my views on certain issues).

Bob Dole, who had about as much of a chance of winning the presidency as I have of claiming a LeBron James Look Alike title, was the party nominee. But I was more into all of the shtick surrounding the festivities.

I had pictures/video taken with Newt Gingrich, who had about as many backers as Barry Bonds has currently, former SNLer Al Franken, and Steve Forbes.....a man whose ATM Pin number I would like to have in my possession (or even 0.000000000001 % of his checking account). On another note, I also met Jim Brown at the San Diego Zoo...and yes, he was wearing his little skull cap. He did not ask me if I knew of any available acting gigs.

The highlight of the trip was a 1 minute meeting with my childhood idol (no, not Pee Wee Herman.....although my mother might think differently) Dana Carvey. Carvey, who had his H. Ross Perot getup working, was strolling behind the media section when I strolled up to him and fired out my own Perot voice. It was my comedic peak.....it's been all downhill from there. So much for being Comedy's Crown Jew.

Once I became a junior, my interest in politics started to wane. One of the big reasons was corruption. How was I expected to try to enter this world when it was filled with nothing but scumbags? Granted there are some honest politicians and our system might be the best in the world, but issues don't seem to carry much weight. Money talks and the media can make or break a politician's career. Just ask Howard Dean. His howl heard 'round the world (or at least around Nebraska....and South Dakota.....and New Jersey......and Texas) following the 2004 Iowa Caucuses killed his chance for the top office in the world.

This week, a story hit that reminded me of why I didn't go into politics. Former Mayor Sharpe James was hit with indictments including various forms of federal corruption. After stories leaked of stolen computers when he lost his election to Cory Booker, it didn't take a brain surgeon to figure out this guy was doing some shady stuff in office.

So, Sharpe posted $250,000 bail yesterday and instead of just laying low, he decided to drum up his own P.R. campaign as mentioned in this tale.

My favorite part.....One day after being accused of taking hundreds of thousands of dollars from the city and state, the former mayor was stopped on public transportation....

Hours after he posted $250,000 bail, James was seen Thursday night riding an NJ Transit bus along Elizabeth Avenue, greeting fellow passengers and complaining about how he was treated during his arrest. A fellow passenger paid James' fare -- James promised to pay him back.

You must be kidding me. The guy has a better chance of getting $1.20 from Lady Bird Johnson than seeing that fare returned to him.

Two weeks till the Munchmobile. Man, the summer is flying by.....

My Favorite Teams

2007-06-10T22:55:00.000-04:00

People always seem to have their differences.

I always wonder why some individuals can not get along with others when it comes to certain topics. No, I'm not talking about the War in Iraq or abortion....I'm talking about PRACTICE! (always wanted to say that)

Why do some people like some teams while others prefer their rivals?

For some, favorite teams are passed down the family tree. Maybe your grandfather was a Brooklyn Dodger fan and the trend carried down to you. For me, it all revolved around cable television. My father preferred the Yankees but didn't hold a strong allegiance to them or the
Muts. While he did take my brother and I to a game every now and then, most of my exposure to the greatest franchise in professional sports (I know that pissed off some loyal readers) came via television.

In the 1980s, the NY(A) was the only baseball team on basic cable 162 times a year. If I couldn't catch the Scooter on WPIX waxing poetic about cannolis, I could always see Al Trautwig and friends on MSG. BTW, anyone seen Al Trautwig recently? I think he's with Russ Salzberg in the witness protection program or something. Since we didn't have Sportschannel because the bill was too high with Showtime, Playboy Channel, and basic cable, I found idols in Don Mattingly, Alvaro Espinoza, and Andy Hawkins.

Well, 1 of 3 ain't bad.

The same thing is true for my favorite NBA team (the Knicks). Always on MSG....Nets were always on Sportschannel with the Muts and the Devils. Despite the laughable job the current coach/GM is doing to the franchise, I've remained loyal to the team.

Lastly, the Giants became my favorite NFL team because they were the dominant football team when I was a kid. Everyone loved the passion LT had on the field when he was pounding quarterbacks (but not necessarily off the field when he was pounding lines of coke).

Some observations from the Yankees/Mets series:

Jose Reyes is the most dangerous lead-off hitter in baseball. If you walk the guy, it's almost like you're conceding a run. The guy gets to 2nd base faster than Mike Nifong heads to the post office to apply for the South Carolina bar exam.

The Muts starting pitching isn't on the right track. I don't know if El Duque or even Tom Glavine sends shivers into any opponent's lineup. Yes, the Yankees don't have a Cy Young candidate, but they're finally getting healthy and pitching strong enough to win game. Unless Pedro comes back at 85 % of what he was, NY(N) is going to go only as far as its offense can carry it. The Muts have an ERA over 8.00 over the past 8 games. Fortunately for the Muts, the NL is a joke (see 90-77 advantage for the AL this season) and that bodes well for their postseason hopes.

Bobby Abreu is playing to his potential. I thought the New York spotlight might have been too much for Abreu, but he's hitting .400 with 12 RBI for the past 2 weeks.

Well, I wanted to boost my comment count....I'm sure this blog will definitely help.

Where Are They Now?

2007-06-08T07:22:00.000-04:00

As I sit here out of commission for the second straight day with flu-like symptoms that caused me to miss out on the Live concert last night that I was SO looking forward to attending, I figured I would add to Mr. Blog.

This is one of my favorite times of year. Work is coming to an end for the summer. That's great because I get a chance to recover from the 10 month strain that is educating young minds. I worked for a major financial services provider for 5 years and this job makes that one look like child's play. People rip my profession all the time (summers off, pension, benefits, etc), but you have no idea what it entails until you try it out for a year. I know I just got Joe Pendleton a little fired up. Time to get off my soapbox.

Since I last blogged, which seems like decades ago, I made a trip to Baltimore and toured Camden Yards. Truly a beautiful ballpark. I also had the chance to head into the dugout and check out the field. Unfortunately, I didn't have the chance to talk gyros with Nick Markakis.

I also attended the wedding of LocalShill. Many people thought there would be a better chance of the Palestinians and Israelis of uniting or bin Laden jumpstarting a second Hands Across America than this unification occurring, but the unthinkable did happen. It was a very nice affair, highlighted by a rabbi making some ethnic slurs and a slew of dignitaries in attendance including Squawking VFR, The Sandman, Mr. and Mrs. Joseph Pendleton, Jersey Girl, the Girlfriend E, EAB, LocalShill (of course....but even that was in doubt until the start of the ceremony), Mr. Henn, and the Colonel.

As I read this list, I wonder if it was a wedding or more a game of Clue.

Which begs the question...what ever happened to Tim Curry? Did he move to India? The guy has made more crap that I've never heard of the past decade.

Other actors whose mugs should appear on the side of milk cartons:

Chevy Chase: How do you go from being one of the funniest actors of all time to not even making this kid laugh?

MC Hammer: He had the BIGGEST song in the early 1990s with "You Can't Touch This", now no one wants to touch this guy. While strolling through New Brunswick, I think I saw him in line for food stamps. Baby's gotta eat!

David Lee Roth: Yeah, he had that AWFUL radio show, but did he need the job? What do you do if you're an unemployed washed up rock sing who was a colassal disaster in the talk radio format? It's not that I feel bad for the guy, but who in this world looks at DRL and says, "YES! I need to hire him to (fill in the blank)."

Dan Quayle: Ok, this is a bit random and he was assumed missing even when he was the VP of the United States. We haven't heard a thing from Mr. Potatoe in 2 decades. This might not be a bad thing. If he dies, does the AP even report the story?

The Lord: He did all of these great things...made the Earth, created people, made day/night, built the Yankees, etc. and then what happened? He just left? Is the Lord even a He? Was Jesus really his representative? Stop by and visit. I'd be more than happy to have the Lord over for some chicken and rice. Don't like chicken and rice? Well, we can talk to the Sandman and he can provide alternate eating choices for Our Savior. Gennaros? Jade Garden? Hot Wok?

My Sopranos prediction: Paulie turns to be a backstabber and gets Tony knocked off and tries to take hold of the NJ mafia. Tony shoulda pushed him off the boat!

Anyone have the cure to a sore throat (other than rinsing with saltwater)?

Dinner for Three

2007-05-16T19:24:00.000-04:00

As I was sitting in my living room with a man whose girlfriend plays for Oakland, watching the heavens pour on Shea Stadium, I pondered the question: What 3 People Would I Love to Have for Dinner?

Now, let's not get carried away. I'm not Hannibal Lecter, so this isn't a Who Would Taste the Best competition....but a dinner where I could converse with 3 individuals for an evening.

These people could be living or dead. Although at the time of the dinner, the dead people would be alive. I'm not looking for this guy but maybe a live version of someone who left the building.

So here are my 3 people and why:

1. My maternal grandfather. When I meet people, I LOVE meeting their parents. Who do they look like? What character traits do they have? The Lovely E looks just like her mom and everytime I see E in a picture with a smile, one would think it was a younger version of her mom. I never met my grandfather and would love to see how he resembles my mom, my siblings and myself. He was an avid photographer....as am I. Just ask my hallmates freshman year when some incriminating videos were hidden in my room.

They weren't hidden very well.....and let's just say there's no better wake up call than "RU POLICE" banging on your door at 8 bells on a Wednesday.

But I move on.

So my gradfather would be number 1....I've heard so much about him and would love to meet the man.

2. Don Mattingly. He was my favorite baseball player as a child and someone I completely idolized. I came very close to meeting him once. My father took my brother and I to a fundraiser/dinner in Newark. Chris Chambliss was there and several other non entities....but no Mattingly. There were RUMORS that he would be there....but no Mattingly. I won't get into the Hall of Fame debate at this point....even I am on the fence. He was one of the greatest defensive 1st basemen of all time and was a very good offensive player in the 80s, but back problems ended his H of F chances (and an awful pitching staff).

3. Jesus. OK...not really. He's just on everyone else's list, so I figure I didn't want to be different. (And that's not Jesus Martinez from Elizabeth). My 3rd person would be Lorne Michaels, Exec. Producer of Saturday Night Live. Saturday Night Live was the one show I wouldn't miss during my teenage years. I looked forward to 11:30 p.m. on Saturdays like Daniel K. Stern looks forward to the next television camera.

When I was a kid, I told people I was going to be on the show (as a matter of fact, I went for a job interview and when I was asked, "Where do you see yourself in 5 years?" I responded with "Performing on Saturday Night Live."

Needless to say, I didn't get that job.

So much like a radio station in the morning, looking desperately for callers....I pose this to readers of this blog. Who would you invite to dinner?

And would there be a chianti with fava beans?

Must See TV

2007-05-14T20:19:00.000-04:00

Last night brought an hour stretch of television that was arguably one of the most riveting in years.

(The following contains Sopranos Plot Spoiler information....but if you haven't watched Sunday night's Sopranos...what the hell is wrong with you???)

I guess the only thing more shocking than Christopher leaving the proverbial building was the way he went. I figured he was going to get knocked off by Paulie...not by Tony. That was possibly one of the better Anti-Drug campaigns I've seen in awhile.

And no, I haven't added Cleaver to my blockbuster.com queue yet.

Then, the show that it seems no one is watching brought one of the more controversial calls. Yes, I'm the clown who still watches Survivor....I can't seem to stop. I'll be attending Survivors Anonymous meetings shortly.

With 6 people left in the game, a 54-year-old Asian guy (Yao-Man), who deserved to win the whole competition, won the truck and offered it to a fellow contestant, a male African-American cheerleader named Dreamz (don't ask). The deal was that Dreamz would have to hand over his immunity necklace -- should he win it -- when the game was down to the Final Four. As luck would have it, Dreamz (a good Christian) won the necklace after and wouldn't give the Asian cat immunity. To make matters worse, Yao-Man got voted off the island. AND he didn't ask for the truck back.

I don't know what's more troubling...the fact he refused to give up the necklace after promosing to God that he'd do it or that I am watching a program that feature a male cheerleader.

Something to think about.

Munchmobile Update: I will be partaking in the seafood expedition on July 28th. It will be in the August 10th edition of the state's largest newspaper. Here's the preview article, complete with a quote on page 3 from yours truly.

I believe it's the first time my complete name ran in this publication since I lost 6-0, 6-0 in first doubles to New Providence (or maybe it was a school for developmentally disabled kids) for A.L. Johnson my senior year.

T-minus 19 days until Local Shill becomes Shackled Shill.

So? (Pranos)

2007-04-30T20:42:00.000-04:00

The Sopranos aren't going out with a bang. I don't know what it is about this season, but I can't really get into it like in the past. In this most recent of episodes, Tony has a gambling problem and wants to put Carmela's $6,000 real estate gain on a Jets game. She obviously thinks he's nuts. Not surprisingly, the Jets won the game and Tony is pissed beyond belief.

But how does he find out about the Jets victory? In the newspaper! You're telling me he didn't WATCH the game like most adult males in a 100-mile radius? Can't Tony afford the internet?

OK...I'm nitpicking....but I need someone to get knocked off. My vote...Chris is gone within the next 2 episodes.

For those of you who are huge fans, you have to check out Alan Sepinwall's column on the show. It's tremendous.

While we're on the topic of the largest paper in the state, I have sucken even lower and put myself in the Munchmobile mix. For those who aren't aware of this, the Munchmobile visits various food establishments throughout the state and rate them. I sent the author a shtick-laden email and he said he will be in touch.

My dream of trying borscht in Phillipsburg may finally become a reality!

Nice job by former Roselle product Jesse Holley getting a 3 year contract with the Bengals. He's part of a truly classy family and a really nice guy. I felt bad for him in high school because he had no quarterback to throw him the ball (Holley actually lined up at QB for some reps for the Rams). The problem didn't go away in college, where QB was not a strong spot. Now, he's in a good position with Bengals needing a WR with Chris Henry out for half the season and Cincy not drafting a single WR this season. Good luck.

I started watching ER about 6 years ago. I didn't watch during the George Clooney years because I as my kids would say, "Yo no homo."

The show has gone from interesting to a complete waste of my time. I can't even follow the ridiculous storylines anymore. A doctor getting his arm chopped off by a helicopter? And this week, they CLOSED the ER. OK...that might happen.

You'd have a better chance of having Sunjay lock up the 7-11 for one night.

Breaking Fools

2007-04-18T15:35:00.000-04:00

As I sit home from work due to a nagging head cold, I can't help but notice the overuse of the phrase "Breaking News." It seems like every 5 minutes something SUPER important breaks.....like there's still flooding in Manville.....or commercials are coming up.....or Bush is dropping a deuce somewhere in the Green Room.

News programs used to attach this phrase with something that was TRULY fresh news and had meaning, but now the most insignificant thing gets this label. Entertainment Tonight lists things that pop up on its CBS Evening News and The Insider as "breaking."

It's almost like American Idol when Ryan Seacrest throws one of those, "We'll find out who made the Top 7......RIGHT after the break." Don't tease me with this crap. Viewers have enough problems already (like the fact they're watching Entertainment Tonight in the first place), we don't need more stress in our lives.

The only thing that's breaking is my garbage can with all of the used tissues I'm throwing in there today.

Wait....I think I just saw that reported on MSNBC.

The 1990s had Kevin Bacon. I'm starting to think Ben Stiller has taken his torch. The guy seems to be in EVERY comedy that's made. I popped in School for Scoundrels and guess who showed up?

Reason #234 why a time machine would be a bad invention: Ben Stiller replaces Chevy Chase in Fletch. Professor Carino is up in arms......Dr. Rosenpenis is never created.

Mass hysteria.

Tonight marks the final night of my graduate studies. I'm finally handing in the thesis and joining the ranks of the Masters. (Where's my green jacket?)

It's funny.....I don't feel no smarter. And I can't wait until the institution of higher learning that I attend calls to tell me I'm missing 0.5 of a credit and I can't walk.

More mass hysteria.

Hokies Horror

2007-04-16T20:18:00.000-04:00

Is there ANY pleasant news anymore?

Following a meeting at work, I logged on to cnn.com and saw the horrors at Virginia Tech. Over 30 people dead. Mass hysteria on campus. That school, like other schools where lives were taken (Columbine, Seton Hall, Kent Place), have never been completely the same.

While I was in Colorado, I went to Columbine in November. I was very impressed with the school and the surrounding area. Kids were playing soccer in an adjacent park and families were together in what seemed like a peaceful setting. But when I drove up to the front of the school, the thoughts of the killings lingered in my mind. I'm sure that will be the case for those students at Virginia Tech. What could drive someone to such measures? In addition to all of the lives lost, the question of security on campuses will definitely come to the foreground. More freedoms will be sacrificed and people will be forever scarred as a result of the mind of a psychotic man.

My condolences to those families who lost loved ones today.

I know it's difficult to transition to this next topic but this was my birthday weekend. I spent it at one of the best birthday parties I have ever had. So what that I knew about 3 % of the people there. So what that it was labeled "The Mosher Wedding?" It was MY BDay dammit! And I'll devour all of the crab legs I wanted. I had an amazing time with E, Sandman, Carino, Dunz and Caitling and various other clowns at the Cescaphe.

I may have to put that wedding in the top 5. Mr. Henn's is up next this weekend. That's going to be a clown show....and THEN some.

I Mess

2007-04-10T21:20:00.000-04:00

I couldn't believe the top story on cnn.com earlier today.

Awaiting the BIG news of the day (that's right....the news that the words "Lawrence Birkhead" were the answer to the world famous question "Who's Your Daddy?"), I was fairly shocked to see how this Don Imus/Rutgers story has taken steam.

My impressions of this story:

I realize it's a very controversial issue, but the fact of the matter is it's growing bigger than it should. At this point, Imus' listenership rival David Lee Roth's (and does it matter if it's the David Lee Roth who was on 92.3 FM a year ago or the David Lee Roth now who might be calling his friend on a prepaid cell phone somewhere in Oxnard, California?). The guy is pretty much irrelevant.

Don Imus is a clown.....always was and always will be. I would turn him on the radio and almost vomit with that annoying voice and boring one-liners. The only funny thing on that show was the immitations that were thrown out there. Don Imus could put an ADHD kid to sleep.

But the big question....should he be fired? My response: absolutely not. The guy made a comment that was completely irresponsible. Yes, we've all made inappropriate comments (granted it wasn't in front of a microphone with tens and tens of listeners tuning in)....Michael Richards did it....the Rev. Jesse Jackson did it. Imus apologized for his actions, and I believe he's sincere. He's doing everything possible to atone for his actions. For those people who have a problem with his radio show....just turn the dial. I've walked the streets (because you know I'm deep in the hood, yo.....oh shoot, I think I hear the Rev. Al knocking on my door...I smell a blue jumpsuit) and heard comments as bad if not worse than Imus used last week.

Bonehead move....visiting Rev. Al's radio show to apologize. That's akin to wearing an "F the Yankees" shirt during a Boston/NY(A) playoff game in the middle of the Bronx.

One final thought....who knew Rev. Al even HAD a radio show? Can this even be heard anywhere in the tri-state area? Or was he given a microphone and told to speak even though there's no radio signal. Kinda like when you were 5 years old and given a camera with no film and told to take pictures.

Yes, I had a tough childhood.

Another effect from this story could be a higher asking price for C. Vivian Stringer. She conducted herself with such professionalism and class on a national stage at the press conference today. I'm sure other universities are watching what happens with this very carefully and the phone calls will be going out to Bobby Mulcahy very shortly. Should Rutgers pay her $1,000,000 a year? On one side, she's the top coach at the school but on another, it's STILL women's basketball and she has yet to win a national title in a dozen years. If I were Mulcahy, I'd probably open the wallet.

I tried to watch Thank God You're Here on NBC last night. It felt like I was getting kicked in the groin...over and over again. After all the build up, I felt like Fox was bringing back Joe Millionaire starring Ted McGinley or something. And is it me, or does that one chick have the "Stifler's Mom" label stuck to her for the rest of her life or not?

Just when 24 seemed like it would have a subpar season, that show just proves why it's the best program on TV. If you haven't started watching it....get season 1 on DVD and start the viewing. It's only going to take you 5 months to catch up.

So the thesis is done....I just have to get it bound. But now wedding season starts. 3 weddings in about 6 weeks. Anyone know if bodily fluids can be sold for cash? Because I know someone wants to get their hands on MY genetics.

Thesised Out

2007-03-03T23:08:00.000-05:00

My apologizes for a pseudoposting here (like many of my posts aren't pseudo to begin with...)

However, I may be on hiatus for the next few weeks. Between finishing my thesis that's due the end of the month, looking for a roommate (and if anyone has a suggestion, please let me know), the NCAA Tourney, and my job I can't seem to find a free moment for much relaxation these days.

I can't imagine having kids.

Other than the NCAA tourney prediction (And unlike everyone else I am NOT jumping on the Winthrop bandwagon....it's hard for me to pull for a team that was named after Dan Aykroyd's character in Trading Places), I may be silenced for a while.

Please....no applause.

Happy Purim.

Separated at Birth

2007-02-24T10:49:00.000-05:00

Is it me or does Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban (left) look like Anna Nicole Smith's ex-parasite Howard K. Stern (below)?

If Cuban wasn't worth a billion dollars, do you think he'd throw his name in the bidding for custody of Anna Nicole's daughter?

OSCARS

Despite the fact that I haven't seen most of the movies up for an Oscar, I feel that with my Blockbuster.com subscription, I am more than qualified to make my own Oscar picks.

Best Picture: The Departed. Although Babel is getting all of the attention right now, I could barely make it through the trailer. The Departed kept me interested from start to finish...much like Crash last year. When everyone was picking Brokeback Mountain to win, I went with Crash. Not that it got me anywhere further in life....

Best Actor: Forest Whitaker (The Last King in Scotland). Didn't see this movie, but he was very good in ER. Plus, I always felt bad for the guy with that eye problem he has. I did see the Will Smith movie (and he was very believable in that flick), but it's hard to give it to someone whose most memorable work revolves being the Fresh Price of Bel Air with this kid. Hey....is that Mosher?

Best Actress: Helen Mirren (The Queen). She's mentioned by EVERY publication to win this award. It's almost like if I took on Shaquille O'Neal in a game of hoops. Totally overmatched.

Heck, it's almost like if I took on anyone over the age of 13 in a game of hoops. (Or under the age of 13 for that matter)

Best Foreign Language Film: Pan's Labyrinth. Muy bien! Es una pelicula que tiene....ah, I knew i should have paid attention more in spanish class. Stephen King loved this movie. I KNOW I'm getting this one right.

Antonella's No Idol

2007-02-20T22:43:00.000-05:00

For those of you who think Antonella Barba is going to go far in American Idol...

Think again

I'm number one!

I had a belated Valentine's Day this week when E and I went to a restaurant in philadelphia called Buddakan. Everyone I spoke to about this place called it "trendy" and the description couldn't have been any more dead on. The food was unreal. The highlight was a desert called Chocolate Pagoda, which means "Legalized Crack" in Buddist or something.

I'm still shaking.

Shea a Goner

2007-02-16T12:48:00.000-05:00

Two things I learned from this story.

1) Herm Edwards doesn't watch the Super Bowl? I mean, it's not the biggest game in the country or anything. He doesn't plan on watching the game until he's in it.

I guess you can cross that game off his viewing itinerary for the rest of his life.

2) Is Terry Shea the most fired man in the history of sports? He's been dropped more than a Rex Grossman football. And to be replace by a cat with THAT name? Dick Curl? Come on now.

Good news for Terry. I hear Somerville is looking for a coach.

An assistant coach.

Todd A No More

2007-02-14T18:00:00.000-05:00

No large post today....I just wanted to let all the fine readers of "And What Can I Tell You" know that I will no longer be known as Todd A.

After reading the tale of the guy who changed his name to Peyton Manning following the Bears' loss in the Super Bowl, I opted to follow suit.

From now on, I will be known as The Joker.

(Fortunately, I did not have to pay court fees for this change)

While this post can't hold a jock to JP's 10 Most Overrated Bands or anything The Sandman posts, I felt it was necessary.

Editor's note: I may also be called The Educator Formerly Known as Todd A or the Male Symbol only in the color blue (I figure if Prince isn't using it, why not ride his coattails?)

Feel free to continue with your day.

Deep Thoughts.....by Todd A

2007-02-12T21:41:00.000-05:00

A few things that popped into my dome piece:

You think Al Gore might have some trouble convincing the fine people of Redfield, New York about the Greenhut Effect?

A new study shows that the scent of male sweat can increase arousal senses in women.
Hmm.....I'm guessing my gym bag wouldn't qualify as a good Valentine's gift. I can just imagine E's reaction to that one. (Some of the things in the bag can practically walk by themselves)

Brilliant idea of the day....one of my students suggested the military should give lie detector tests to every people in Iraq and kill anyone who isn't telling the truth.

He also said "Police Academy 8: Crullers 'N Night Sticks" might be a good idea for a flick.

Are the weather people EVER right? I feel like you have to subtract 2-4 inches from any prognostication they make. Except if you live in Redfield, of course.

Researchers at the University of Calgary said monkeys may have used stone hammers as long as 4,300 years ago. Is this news? I'm thrilled monkeys knew how to bust nuts even back them, but I want to know.....how does this get us one step closer to finding the cure for cancer?

Man, I was HOPING "educator" would make this list. I guess if I can't pronounce the actual job, I wouldn't be in the running here.

Finally, if you are a fan of Star Wars (or even if you're not), check this out. Thanks to Rog2k+7 for this one.

Here comes some BAYSBOL!!!!

2007-02-09T17:30:00.000-05:00

Less than one week until pitchers and catchers report!

This is exciting news, but there's still another 2 months until the fantasy season kicks off. TWO whole months where I am forced to actually do something productive with my life. And my thesis has given me plenty on which I can focus for the next 2 months.

Thank you to my friend JBechtMd for this clip.

Some other interesting websites I came across today...

-- When your bank says no....other banks will probably say no too. Now there's a loan site that's almost like ebay. Prosper allows people to receive loans or lend money for loans. Don't ask me why but I found this to be highly interesting. If I decide to lend money and they don't pay me back, I'm sure it won't be any different than the dozen or so kids at work who ask me for "lunch money" and never repay it on a regular basis.

-- Bents passed along these two sites: the first offers coupons to restaurants at a discount. This one throws out offers for good deals. I'm waiting for a free million dollars to pop up.

Why do I need to worry about money? I figure I'm throwing my hat in the "I Impregnated Ann Nicole Smith" ring. Everyone else is doing it, right? Zsa Zsa Gabor's husband? Are you kidding me? You KNOW that diaper-wearing astronaut is thanking her lucky stars that Anna Nicole left the building this week. It's nice to have the attention moved away from you, right Lisa? Just ask Gary Condit. As awful as this sounds, 9/11 was the perfect distraction for that guy. He went from being on the cover of Enquirer, Star, Weekly World News (or every publication my mom has a subscription to and believes is real) to falling out of the public consciousness. Has that guy even been arrested yet?

Zsa Zsa.....wasn't she the "Cuchi Cuchi" chick? No wait....that was Charo.

Same difference.

The Greatest Day of the Year

2007-02-04T12:19:00.000-05:00

One thing I have learned about "The Big Game" (I don't want the NFL suing me for copyright infringement and taking away all $30 I have in my bank account), there's always a big surprise in store.

I don't think I have accurately picked a Super Bowl winner since the Reagan administration. So, when the Colts and Bears take to the field today, I probably will screw this one up, too.

Some quick thoughts/predictions about today:

-- The Bears defense isn't the same unit it was during the first half of the regular season. I think Manning will pick apart that Bears D.

-- The NFC sucks.

-- That Kevin Federline commercial is already old.

-- I will feel the need to buy a domain on GoDaddy.com.

-- Prince's nipples will remain covered to the delight of 90 million onlookers.

-- Joe Pendleton will break 24 hours of sobriety by having a frosty beverage.

-- Someone will mention the need to make Monday a national holiday.

-- A Bengal will be arrested.

With all of that said, I like the Colts to win and win big.....but since I'm never right, I need to go against myself and go with Bears +7. Colts 24-20.

Then again, I haven't been right in years....so what do I know?

After this game, it's a LONG 2 months until first pitch. Nothing like a thesis to keep me occupied.

For those with a Jewish background (and just because some of you like matzah with butter or sales at the mall, doesn't make you Jewish), check out this video that a friend of mine at UPenn sent me.

AmeriGAY Idol

2007-01-25T19:09:00.000-05:00

For those of you who are regular readers to my blog, you know I am a huge fan of BAD reality television. Yes, I am sucked in by American Idol.

Last night's episode had one of the most ridiculous auditions ever. I found this to be extremely humorous. Don't get me wrong, I'm not happy to be playing up a guy/girl/Pat that is a total publicity whore....but I couldn't help but nearly piss myself around 8 bells last eve.

My early Super Bowl prediction. Me = - $400 in lost betting money

Manning....good or great?

2007-01-19T21:01:00.000-05:00

On the eve of the big AFC Championship game, many people are wondering if Peyton Manning will ever make it to the big game.

Manning has put up Hall of Fame numbers (NFL record 3,000+ yards since his rookie season in 1998) and has been an ironman at his position, starting every game since he came into the league 9 seasons ago. With all of his credentials but no Super Bowl appearances (and no college national titles...or, and with apologies to Jersey Girl, just like Troy Smith, no victories over U. Florida), should Manning not be considered among the elite of all time?

I feel that championships can be somewhat overrated. I'm sure what I just said has some people pissed off and ripping me (not the first time I'm sure)....but hear me out.

John Elway went most of his career without a crown but once he had Terrell Davis in the backfield (arguably the best RB in the league) to help him win the title, he was put in a different stratosphere. And I'm not just talking about from a commercial standpoint....although it seems as though he's attached his name everything from beer to car dealarships to jock straps in the Denver area. What if he had no support his entire career? He'd still be a great player and would have made the Hall of Fame but would he still have been the deity Coloradians have praised for years?

Put Tom Glavine on the Tampa Bay Devil Rays for his entire career. Is he even considered as a Hall of Famer? If Derek Jeter is the shortstop for the Tigers with no supporting cast in the previous decade, are we putting him on his pedestal? Look at Brett Favre recently.....he's looked at as one of the best QBs ever yet hasn't made the playoffs the past two seasons with a questionable supporting cast.

I realize we're dealing strictly with theoreticals because these guys all played on the greatest stages in their sport at one time and managed to perform well under pressure, but the people around them is definitely critical.

I remember Michael Kay discussing how important Randy Johnson was to the Yankees rotation this past season and that they'll have a tough time replacing his 17 wins. Even though Johnson had an ERA over 5.00, Kay said he "pitched to the score." So, if the Yanks were up 8 runs, he'd give up 6 runs but still hold off the opponent to earn the "W". I don't really buy into that idea and feel wins are an overrated stat. Then again, my baseball career ended when I got nailed in the wedding tackle with a baseball as a Little League catcher many years ago....I'm convinced that, and not cigarettes, stunted my growth......so what do I know?

Congrats to Cal Ripken and Anthony Gwynn for their H of F selections (yeah...like they're going to even read this). For those of you looking forward to future potential Hall of Fame selections in baseball....here's what's on tap:

2008: David Justice, Robb Nen, Tim Raines (Nen...who might have considered changing his name to Bob to make the all-palendrome squad)

2009: Mark Grace, Rickey Henderson, Matt Williams (Can you imagine the number of "I"s in Henderson's speech? That kid has 3 favorite people in his life...Ricky, Mr. Henderson, and R. Henderson. Why do I have a feeling he'll be attempting a comeback again this season?)

2010: Roberto Alomar, Andres Galarraga, Barry Larkin, Edgar Martinez, Fred McGriff (Figure Alomar and Edgar to make it...I wonder if fans will hock a loogie on Alomar's bust)

2011: John Franco, Juan Gonzalez, Rafael Palmeiro, Larry Walker, Sammy Sosa (Is baseball going to have to create its own Roid Wing for some of these cats?)

I went 4-0 last weekend. Gotta go with Pats (+3) and the Saints (+2.5) this weekend. The Bears defense hasn't been good for weeks now. Losing Tommy Harris and Mike Brown were big for that unit.

How can you go against Tom Brady in ANY playoff game? I wonder if he used the same broker Michael Jordan did when he sold his soul to the devil....

BANG, BANG, BANG!

2007-01-13T17:01:00.000-05:00

Forwarded chain mail can be a pain in the arse.

I have determined that 99 % of the crap that is sent to me or posted is a waste of my time. Sometimes, you do run into quality shtick.

For example, Jersey Girl posted this to her blog and I've watched it about 20 times (and laughed every time)

About 6 years ago, I received this from a friend and spend a whole weekend pissing myself. Make sure you have the sound turned up. (And if you're starting a karoke of this and DESPERATELY need the lyrics...)

My LCP (Lock City Picks) of the weekend. It's ALL dogs.

Eagles (+5), Seahawks (+9), and Pats (whatever the line is). I like the Colts (+3.5), too....but the game is midway through the 1st quarter while I typed this, so I don't want to get ripped for picking a game midway through.

Happy New Year....and Happy Groundhog's Day, too

2007-01-11T20:19:00.000-05:00

Someone wished me a Happy New Year yesterday. That's 10 days after the actual event. Is this the norm? I mean, I understand things in the world are a little out of whack with the whole greenhouse effect causing 70 degree weather....but 10 days?

Punxsutawney Phil and Auld Lang Syne don't mix, people.

Some things that came through my mind recently....

-- When the summer hits, there's always a "Christmas in July" celebration somewhere. How come there are no "July 4th in December" parties?

-- Is George Bush really THIS stupid? Sending more troops to Iraq is akin to dropping a batch on the hood of a police car with the officer IN the vehicle and then eating a Taco Bell value meal and, well.....you get the picture. I think.

-- This just in. Barry Bonds says he's not black. He actually borrowed some skin from Moises Alou and didn't realize it was that color. He's actually Indian and is moving to Iselin.

-- If Justin Timberlake is bringing sexy back, it ain't in Diaz's neighborhood. When is this guy going to pull a Lance Bass and come out of the closet? (I'm sure that's not going to earn me brownie points from the girlfriend).

And isn't he on Minute 15 yet?

I went to the Rutgers/Syracuse game last night and it was one of the most boring tilts I had ever watched. This has to be one of the worst teams I've seen in the Scarlet and White....the offense was woeful....it doesn't help that the entire scoring attack has set up shop on a bench somewhere in Sacramento.

Watching the game from the next to last row at the RAC was a new experience for me. Even though I have been to dozens of games there, I had never been so high that I was fearful of planes nailing me. The last time I was that high at a sporting event was a rainy Jets/Pats game with Mr. Sandman.

High with Mr. Sandman. Well, that's kind of redundant.

I just want to wish Jersey Girl the best with her "procedure". We are scheduled for a group outing and although I have a feeling her drugged up arse will still show up, she will be greatly missed with the many clowns, shills, and yahoos in attendance.

My Coke Rewards up to 2003. Off I go to fire out expletives while watching Seton Hall beat the piss out of St. John's. Oh, so painful.

Blogging About Blogging

2006-12-28T12:33:00.000-05:00

Whenever I head to aol.com to check my email (or many times in my case, thousands of messages to increase penis size...no comments, please), there's always some pretty interesting story popping up at the top of the site. Whether it's some top 10 list or story about home prices dropping (I think my place went from being a small fortune to being worth about a 6-pack of Nattie Light), I always feel the need to click and check out all the "important" news items out there.

This morning, there was this story about Jessica Cutler. Cutler was a staff assistant in Washington, who made her sexual exploits with various Capitol Hill powerbrokers public on her blogs. Now, the case is going to court.

It's absurd this is even considered as a case. She kept the names out her blog and has the right to write or speak as she pleases. Robert Steinbuch, one of several men with whom she played "Hide the Bacon", found the wrong woman to trust and is paying the price. Too bad.

Nice job by Jason Taylor. The guy is right on here. There should be a rule in the NFL to prevent someone from winning such an award after a failed drug test. As a pro athlete you should know EVERYTHING that goes into your system. No "I didn't know what the ingredients were" excuses anymore.

And the same should apply for holding a high office in this country. Use drugs, no presidency. Sounds like a good idea. I'm sure about 2,800 families of soldiers who lost their lives in Iraq would have had a much happier holiday season.

With the passing of Gerald Ford, I remember back to this skit from Sat. Night Live and one of my all-time heroes....Dana Carvey....doing a little Brokaw. Enjoy Robert Smigel, the creator of Triumph, the Comic Insult Dog and numerous other hilarious bits, with the background voiceover. Thanks to Frey for finding this.

Cheer up Caroll Gymnastics....3 more months till the cruise!

Greatest Moments of the Year

2006-12-23T13:32:00.000-05:00

The year is coming to a close and overall, it was a joyous year...ranking somewhere near the top middle probably between 1983 when I received my first He-Man figure and 1984 (something about the Summer Olympics in the U.S. got me excited that year....maybe the whole George Orwell theme thing put that near the top of the list). As I sit home with a cold that has me stuck in bed, what better way to recap the year than the top things that happened to me in 2006 (like any of you really care):

Here are my top moments of 2006.

10. Angles at Yankees, August 14th.
I headed into the city with Joe Pendleton to catch this game. This one started off on a downnote with our train out of Metropark over an hour late. As we comtemplated just heading back to a bar or my place to watch the game, the train showed up and we were on our way. One of the thoughts that came through our minds was the family of four standing next to us who probably were throwing down about $200 on tickets, transporation, food, etc. Lunacy for a baseball game. Thank God for free tickets. We met up with Jorg and another cat at the game. The much maligned ARod got a sac fly to push the Yanks ahead 3-2 and help Randy Johnson win his 13th by a 7-2 final. The Big Unit also fanned Tim Salmon for his 4,500th K of his career. Was it the game that was exciting or watching Tim Salmon's final appearance at Yankee Stadium that did it for me? Maybe it was the 13 Coke lids I was able to accumulate towards my current total of 1,775 points.

9. Carino Memorial Day Shindig, May 28th.

I've been to Memorial Day parties before. It's the run-of-the-mill sit outside and drink type of deal. This party went beyond that. There was a good showing from the journalist crowd including the Sandman and that always makes it enjoyable. However, I don't think I have ever seen a certain Italian journalist as intoxicated as I did at his own party. Looking at his Dontrelle Willis-like state, I think the man would have cleaned out liquor stores in some small European countries. The highlight came when he was spotted urinating on his OWN lawn. I don't think it was a good idea to take a child's toy and jam his arse with it around 8 bells. He proceded to chase me around the yard for about 20 minutes. About 10 years and 90 lbs again, he would have had me...easily. But I was able to elude him and depart with 9 coke lids and my spleen intact.

8. Dr. Nazz's Bachelor Party in Vegas, June 22-24.
A trip to Vegas HAS to be in the top 5, right? I had a great time, but the only thing that's keeping it out of the elite moments was the fact I had to depart early and miss the REAL "festivities." Some highlights: running into boxer Winky Wright in the Mandalay Bay and Alan Thicke in the rumjungle night club and doing shtick in a cabana outside the pool at the Mandalay Bay.

7. Lifer/Staff Softball Game, July 14th.
The first of hopefully many softball games between the more and less experienced staff members at my summer camp was a resounding success. Between the pre-game build up to the jerseys created by Eric Program and associates, this was going to be a game for the ages (or in many of our cases, the aged).

The game was under the lights in Somerville and only the forecast of rain would be the only downside to one of the greatest nights in my softball life (then again, how many times have I played night softball in my life.....1? 2?). With the bases loaded, I stepped up and lined a shot to right field that rolled past the rightfielder. I was able to leg it out to a triple and eliminate past ghosts of Little League. Those were the days when I would try and crouch as low as I could to get a base on balls. I don't look at it as being fearful of the pitcher at 11 years old, but rather being a headsy leadoff hitter......too bad I was hitting 9th in the lineup. We won the camp game 21-2 and I'd like to think my hit was the one that opened it up for us. I'd also like to think I have a shot at People Magazine's Sexiest Men Alive of 2007 but I don't want to get too carried away.

6. Colorado Trip with E, November 3rd-5th.

My girlfriend and I went West to see the wedding of Mr. and Mrs. VFR. Another short trip but a good time was had by all. Between the wedding and walking/shopping in Denver, I had a chance to spend time with E...something I don't get to do much with her a state away. We also went to Columbine High School and revisted one of the most tragic events in our nation's history.

5. First Anniversary Outing, August 20th.
Although the anniversary wasn't until the 21st, I went to the city the weekend prior to the date with my girlfriend went to have lunch at Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde's (something I was really excited about) and watch the off-broadway show Stomp (something I wasn't AS excited about). To make this short and sweet, the lunch sucked but the show was awesome. I had a great time in, as Local Shill would say, the "filthy city," and I think the girlfriend enjoyed herself too.

4. Saints at Steelers trip, November 11-12th.
There are few things in life more difficult to aquire than Steelers tickets at a low price. Every May, the Steelers hold a lottery and give out some extra tickets to some of their home games. I wanted to give the tickets to my brother as an early birthday gift (REALLY early....his bday is in January). Figuring I had a shot at some of the more meaningless games, I threw a $220 check into the envelope and went after the Saints and Bucs games. To quote Rutgers radio announcer Bruce Johnson, I was "waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting...."

3. Valentine's Day, Feburary 14th.
When I ranked holidays as a kid and young adult, this one ranked at or near the bottom (right around Yom Kippur and Christmas.....the latter for obvious reasons....for those who weren't aware the "A" is a very jewish last name)
This past one was a different story. I LOVE surprising people and I got to shock the girlfriend in a large way. Complete with a delivery of roses and an evening drive south to Delaware, I waltzed into the girlfriend's apartment complex and surprised her beyond belief. Red face...big smile....one of my best arrangements in history. And a big thank you goes out to JDogg for helping set the thing up.
We went to a restaurant in Wilmington called Deep Blue. Despite almost burning my tongue off with a Chipolte Shrimp appetizer, the food was very delicious. Overall, a very enjoyable evening and definitely worth the trip.

2. Rutgers football defeats Louisville, November 9th.
I went to Rutgers during four of the darkest years in its sports history. The football team had more to laugh about than the comics at the nearby Stress Factory. I had never experienced an atmosphere quite like the Louisville game. Ran into some of some old acquiantances and got to see a 28-25 RU victory that ranks as arguably the best win since the fencing team won a co-national championship over 50 years ago (yeah, that's a close one).

1. My Surprise BDay Party, April 14th.
Although the organizers told me it was a party for my then-2-year-old Nephew, I admit, I had an inkling something was up. Maybe it was the comments made by my family during breakfast where they asked my girlfriend if she was "going to Todd A's birthday party" later that day. Or the weird way my brother ushered me into the house. Either way, I had a great time. It's not so much the surprise element as the people who actually attended. Joe Pendleton and Mrs. Pendleton, Local Shill, plenty of my camp cronies including the girlfriend, and F Squad.

Honorable mention: Cavs at Nets tilt with No 1 Dooshbag, Local and future Mrs. Shill engagement party, Dinner at Ruths Chris with the girlfriend, Multitude of weddings that I don't want to single out for fear of pissing off some people, Yankees tilt with Yorg and Joe Pendleton, Counting Crows with the Billaz, Live Concert with my brother.

Here's to a great 2007!

Is THIS the low point?

2006-12-17T12:28:00.000-05:00

Can it get any worse?

A basketball team in the world's largest sports city should be a title contender year in and year out, right?

Not when you have a clown running the organization. Yes, I know James Dolan wasn't on the court when the New York Knicks played the Denver Nuggets on Saturday night, but this is the same guy who hired Isiah Thomas and turned this franchise into a laughingstock. Thomas never had success running a team, wasn't this the same guy who ran the CBA into the dumps?

That's more reason to hate Cablevision.

I like how the NY Knicks website had the headline "Knicks Overcome by Nuggets" on the Knicks homepage following the contest. Overcome? Wasn't there a bigger story here? Like the right hand from Carmelo embedded into Mardy Collins face? If you listen to the radio broadcast of the fight, it almost sounds like the crowd is at a heavyweight fight. Maybe MSG should just shutdown the hoops season and host boxing for the rest of the season.

I think the NBA is a mess right now. I can't watch the games not only because my team is awful but also due to the fact that the players come off more as thugs than anything else. Does it say anything that both of the league's top points scorers (Melo and AI) will be missing a slew of games not due to injury, but as a result of their own inflated egos?

Nice work by you. All that surfing for porn has finally paid off.

Thanks to Edgerrin Becht for finding this.....I guess this woman will be staying away from the chili from this point forward.

You always see Christmas in July parties over the summer. Well, I think more effort should be made for July 4th in December parties. Just a thought.

Happy Holidays to all. 60 degree weather....It definitely feels like Christmas in the air.

Ohio State for Natl Champs

2006-12-04T22:05:00.000-05:00

I wasn't planning on posting tonight but the more I hear people discussing the need for a playoff system, the more I get irritated that college football lets money and corporate domination take over in lieu of allowing these teams to settle it on the field.

In my opinion, Florida should be in the title game, because they won the conference crown and played in the toughest conference in the country (two things Michigan did not). Oh, and they didn't lose to Ohio State late in the year (one thing Michigan did).

BUT If we can't have a playoff and TRULY decide which team is the best in college football, I say forget the championship game. Just name Ohio State champion and end it there.

Sure we'd lose out on the title game and all the excitement it would cause, but isn't it clear that OSU is the best team in the country? The Buckeyes have played a BCS league schedule and went unblemished. No other team can say that.

Why not turn the BIG game into a Florida/Michigan matchup? The Battle for Second Place. The Struggle for the Silver. The Gatorines Game. Ok..maybe that's a stretch.

That might not solve EVERYTHING, but it seems like these two teams are the only ones most people feel should be ranked number 2 in the country.

And the consenus remains that OSU is number 1. I'm sure Jersey Girl won't have a problem with that.

Oh....Thank you, Greg.

Football Good, Basketball Baaaaaaaaaad

2006-11-28T20:28:00.000-05:00

I can't believe how BAD the Rutgers men's basketball team is.

Yes, I understand a HUGE offensive force departed in first-round pick Quincy Douby, but to losses to Jackson State, Miami (OH), Bradley and a previously winless Temple squad?

And it ain't even December yet!

Was the cupboard THAT bare? Fred Hill is making Craig Littlepage look like Dean Smith. The hoops team might not surpass the football team in victories this season. I NEVER thought I'd say that. I was actually looking forward to seeing this team play a down Seton Hall team this season.

But RU must be worse than the Pirates. I look forward to seeing the RPI rankings and Rutgers hovering near teams like Army, Praire View A & M and Savannah State.

The Scarlet Knights beat St. Thomas Aquinas by 41 points. How BAD is that squad? Even for a Division 2 school.

Rutgers is scheduled to play Nebraska at the RAC on Saturday at 4:30 p.m. With the football team playing at 7:30 p.m. in the biggest game in Rutgers history, I don't forsee many staying for the second half of a 30 point deficit.

Nebraska is 4-0 with a good win against Creighton. I think their guard used to play Urkel. Or was that Jaleel? Never mind.

I noticed this story on the wire and when I read the headline, I thought it was about someone who is having problems with erectile dysfunction.

Well, I guess I can cross Forth Worth off the places where I intend on dropping a batch.

Congrats to my brother's friend GHM (no relation to FHM), who recently took home the top prize in a Fossil watch contest.

Hmmmm....i find it ironic that he won a $1000 gift certificate right around the SAME time my watch stopped working....Hey GHM....I voted for ya!!!!

The Steel City and the Steel Cardinal

2006-11-27T20:06:00.000-05:00

Plenty of exciting things have happened since the last blogging.

Let's start with the Saints/Steelers tilt that I attended with my brother on Nov. 12th. We drove out to Pittsburgh (about a 5 1/2 hour trip...which didn't include a stop at Arby's....I am still shocked to know that Arby's is given its name for the initials of Roast Beef....amazing)

On Saturday, we went to Heinz Field about 4 hours prior to the 4:15 p.m. kickoff (thank you flex scheduling) and ran into the Fox Pregame show. While donning Local Shill's Raymell Rice jersey, I met Howie Long, who reminded me how Lee Corso had "KILLED Rutgers" that week.

I told him Corso also picked Cal/WVU in the title game and then informed him I purchased all my batteries at Radio Shack.

He wasn't amused.

After the pregame ended, Jimmy Johnson was the first to bolt from the autograph session...then Bradshaw and Long. Joe Buck stayed the longest and even do some shtick with the fans. I enjoyed watching that small tuft of hair blowing around. That kid definitely uses Propecia.....not that there's anything wrong with losing a little hair.

Or all of your hair.

Back to the game....we had some pretty crappy seats...they were about 2 rows from the top.....the top of a passing 747. So, we elected to move down and took a risk. Heinz Field is built in sections, so if you want to move to the sideline sections, you have to go down a long ramp. Fortunately, we were able to find two seats at the 50 about one section up and watched the game with some hard core fans.

The game was ALL offense. It didn't help the Steelers that Troy Polamalu was knocked out early in the first quarter. The final score was 38-31....there was more scoring in that game than on the Spice Channel (and no, I'm not putting a link in there). Marques Coltston has some of the best hands in football and was truly a sight to see in person. I'm not annoiting him as the new Jerry Rice, but the guy has real talent.

Other items:

-- The Hall of Fame ballots are out and I couldn't agree more with Mr. Rosenthal (and not just because he probably celebrates Rosh Hashana). I was a big fan of McGwire and was thrilled with what he did for baseball during that remarkable stretch in the late 90s. However, if we are to ostracize Bonds and Palmiero, why should McGwire get a pass? Even though steroids weren't "banned" from baseball, they were and still are illegal when unauthorized. I don't think you can make an argument for McGwire and maybe he should be voted when he comes clean....as for now....I think all of his votes should go to someone else....

....like Don Mattingly? Please? Yeah....even I don't think he deserves to be in....but it was worth a shot. How about Paul O'Neill? (thought I'd give it a shot)

-- We're coming to the stretch run in the fantasy football season. As much as the girlfriend hates me for it, I'm addicted to watching stats add up on my cbs.sportsline site to see if I can beat someone else, who is also watching the stats, while we play "pretend" football.

It's amazing because I'm sure I couldn't beat most of these team owners at a game of REAL football but when it comes to the fantasy world, I'm 9-3 and 6-5-1 and likely heading to at least one playoff berth. And it's almost as satisfying as winning a real game, too.

When can they make Fantasy Supermodel Dating? I keeed, I keeeeed.

-- Last and least, the Giants....what an agonizing loss. I don't even want to break it down because it's get me more fired up than Local Shill after the 2001 Stanley Cup playoffs. I never knew plastic, white patio chairs outside the 16th and A compound could absorb so much brute force.

I'm glad the Rutgers run has given him and all of us something for which we can cheer.

My Coke Rewards approaching 1,400! Still...nothing good.

RU RAH RAH!!!

2006-11-10T16:14:00.000-05:00

"Never in a million years..."

That seemed to be the start to every quote uttered outside Rutgers Stadium after Rutgers HUGE 28-25 victory over Louisville last night.

Watching the Yankees win is great but it's always expected. I never saw this coming. Like many others, I saw another blowout and was proven wrong again. Local Shill and I calculated how many victories I had in my four years On The Banks. The total came to 11 wins. This team has won 9 already and may eclipse my 11 win total even BEFORE the bowl game. So many years of watching Rutgers sink to a sub-.500 record....I feel like it's been an eternity. Well, I can't say that....but I'm sure this cat can.

"Just think, 40 years ago he was considered 'old.' " -- Local Shill offering his insight

I attended the contest with a few friends and it was like Homecoming Part II. Actually, it was probably better than Homecoming. The lots were packed and Mike and the Angry Puppy (below with Ray Lucas and Marco Battaglia) were there. Guys were throwing tons of insults at both of them all throughout the show. I learned so much about Mad Dog's mother. It was very informative.

A couple of notes from the game
-- How is it possible you can't get ANY Verizon phone service anywhere near the stadium? This didn't used to be the case. You'd figure the largest cell phone company and largest state univ. could get together and compare notes. This is a major engineering school, right?

-- It's amazing how many text messages I got after Rutgers pulled out that win. I learned that you only hear from people 1) when people leave the building and 2) huge games with BCS implications that involve your alma mater (Jersey Girl better get her phone ready on the 18th)

-- In one season, this team went from 56-5 (loss) to 28-25 (win). Unless there's a complete turnover in personnel, I can't understand how this could be possible.

--Mike Teel is something like 34-1 as a starting quarterback. Slightly deceiving. That's like me being 8-0 against NFL Players in tackle football. (Madden football for PS2, of course)

I ran into several people at the game I hadn't seen in ages (of course I couldn't call them on the phone for the reason listed above). I guess when there are 44,000+ people in attendance, you're bound to see someone you know.

You're also bound to wait in a bathroom line for 30 mins to drop a batch. Memo to Rutgers administration: You're making hundreds of thousands of dollars with this run....install more crappers. I watched the bathroom lines and it looked like Bill Gates was giving out $1000 bills or something.

On the subject of long lines.....can someone PLEASE explain this to me? For a wedding dress? Playstation 3....ok maybe. But a wedding dress? At least you can get in a few games of Madden on the HiDef set with the PS3.

Since Jersey Girl is on vacation, I figured this would be something she'd touch on.

How dare the state of Maine put restrictions on such legends? No alcohol on the job? Blasphemous! Do these clowns really expect us to agree with their side? People probably doled out like $2.50 or even MORE to see them in concert and now they have to rearrange their plans for this week, stay home and read in their bedrooms/parent's basements.

On a final note, the world of journalism lost a terrific reporter in Ed Bradley. Known to me as the old dude with the earring, I truly enjoyed his stories...from the recent one on Howard Stern to Muhammed Ali to the one with Michael Jackson that made everyone cringe.
Chris Rock touched on that one brilliantly.

My Coke Rewards at 1100. STILL nothing good. Stench.

Happy Erection Day!

2006-10-28T14:47:00.000-04:00

Welcome to election season, where the stench on tv is worse than a middle schooler's 4-month-old unwashed gym clothes.

We criticize those in society who are violent and commit nasty crimes to innocent people. Rightfully so. But when I turn on the television set and see nasty commercials attacking political candidates and make constant comparisons to political candidates and the mafia, I have to ask...who really is running this country?

Case in point, look at this ad which was featured prominently on Opie and Anthony.

Are you KIDDING me???

Nothing like a group of representatives that are composed mostly by lawyers. And we wonder how lawyers get a bad rap.

This is the week of travelling for me. I went out to Denver with the girlfriend for a wedding this past weekend. Did some shtick with some friends from Rutgers. While we were out there we made a stopover at Columbine High School. Opting to remain in the car, we were the only clowns in the parking lot taking pictures from afar. Very eerie.

I remember when the incident happened and the Columbine area was compared to Westfield, NJ. I could see why. The area seemed like it was on the wealthier side and mostly white. However, there was no Castle Bootery...and we all know how important that is to the Westfield community. I think I got my first pair of Zips there.

After the exciting Louisville/Rutgers game this Thursday, I will be joining my brother for a trek to Pittsburgh for the game against the Saints. Two teams going in different directions. I'll be the only one in Heinz Field wearing a Tiki Barber jersey.

I'll also be the only one likely danging by the same jersey from a pole atop the stadium.

Don't forget to get out and vote!

Bears, 16-0?

2006-10-09T16:41:00.000-04:00

I forgot to touch on one subject earlier. Are the Bears EVER going to lose a game? With that defense and this schedule, they could very well run the table.

Only road games at the Gmen and Patriots are apparently going to prevent them from doing so. It's hard to believe that Manning is going to be able to throw against that defense.

When Do Pitchers and Catchers Report?

2006-10-09T13:35:00.000-04:00

This may have been one of the worst weekends of my life.

Beyond getting sick (I've had a lingering cold since Thursday and have finished off about 1 1/2 boxes of Puffs Plus...I don't think a horny 18 year old has reached that level in a year's worth of work), I got to witness NY(A) fall apart on the national stage.

I am thankful to all of my friends......Yes, I've gotten emails, text messages, phone calls checking to see how I am doing 1) "Are you on suicide watch?" (which I'm not), 2) YANKEES SUCK!!!! (Thanks!), 3) "Uh bye bye Yankees!" (Preciate it!)....and I'll stop there.....

Before I get on with the rest of the blog....you may have questions about the picture. Well, I typed in "Tigers Yankees" on a google search and that came up. Nothing wrong with a little Jessica Alba on the top of the page.

My take on the entire series. You watch these Yankees play and notice a huge difference between this team and the other teams that have won it or at least come close. They don't get those fortunate calls or place the ball perfectly on the foul line for a double....hell, they don't get many hits at all! I don't think it was the Detroit pitching as much as the Yankees slumping in the postseason. Steve Blass could have pitched against NY(A), and I think the result would have been the same. I think the Yankees would have lost to the Royals if they played them...

....and I'm talking about the Clark Little League Royals.

Plus, the Yankees don't have an elite rotation anymore. Wang is a good starter and I'll even go with Mussina (I just wish he was more consistent) but the rest of that starting staff is a joke. I don't think Torre should be fired but ARod should be sent somewhere where he'll never have another chance to see the postseason again. Maybe Tampa Bay....I just don't want to see that kid have to go through the agony he's put on himself again.

So, I have been doing some thinking lately. With no teams for which I want to cheer, Detroit winning makes a nice story but I don't feel like watching rioting on television. And to see them celebrate an ALDS victory like they just won the World Series was quite disturbing.

Frank Thomas is another nice story but does ANYONE really care about the A's? I was always a Cardinals fan as a kid, so I am leaning in that direction for now. Then again, I do feel bad for the Sandman, who has been a Mets fan for such a long time. Do I want the long suffering streak to end and see him elated and watch the Mets win a championship? Do I want Joe Pendleton to enjoy a Mets title with his young Pendletons for the first time? Do I want the boost for the local economy?

I'm not sold on that yet.

I did get a nice treat late Saturday night. While watching an episode of Saturday Night Live, they had a sketch with our friend Kuato featured prominently. I almost called Joe Pendleton to alert him but it was very late and I didn't want to risk catching him on beer #346 and get the slurred "Wha naaaaamber does Daaaarek Jeter wear? Huh Taaaad? Wha number?" question.

Although I was not able to find the SNL skit on the web, I was able to locate this.

Back I go to my bed to ponder another lost season. Hey, at least I still have Rutgers, right?

On a related note....the Scarlet Knights soccer squad beat St. John's for the first time in 6 tries. Remember when Rutgers was one of the best teams in the conference? Now they're 7th in the Big East. They're not even ranked in the top 10 of their REGION! It's been 12 years since the Final Four. With some of the best facilities in the country, is there something wrong here?

My Coke Rewards....up to 911.

Another Pinstriped Postseason

2006-10-03T22:34:00.000-04:00

It's that time of year again....playoff baseball! This could be my 2nd favorite athletic event (and no, I'm not including the Tour de Somerville). I have to throw the NCAA Tournament atop my list because of the gambling aspect involved.

But I'm happy to be a Yankees fan!

Yeah, I'm sure there are some out there who might be ticked off....another mention of the Yankees....and I'm sure Joe Pendleton is going to give me crap for not knowing uniform numbers.....it's ok. I just need to stay away from that kid when his beer count hits triple digits.

In one night.

I must admit, I am looking forward to a Yanks/Mets World Series. It's by no means a lock. The Yanks have been well known for having some difficulty coming through in the clutch lately and the Mets....well, the Mets are more banged up than Houston after the Houston 620. The rest of the nation might hate it, but I know people would go nuts in this area.

Who knew that Weird Al was still doing shtick? I thought that guy was in an assisted living facility at this point. I guess not.

I apologize for the lack of blogging....work, work, and thesis have been way too much to overcome. I couldn't imagine having kids. Or a dog.

Or a fish for that matter.

Goo Goo Earth

2006-09-13T22:35:00.000-04:00

It doesn't take much to get me excited.

My roommate, an engineer, told me that he spends much of the day on this website. It's pretty cool...you can get a close up of the Pyramids in Egypt and then head to Vegas to try and spot scantily-clad dancers wandering the Strip in Vegas (Baby). And there's nothing more interesting than staring at the roof of my place.
I told people I work with about it and most of them told me they had already seen this. Not the first time I've been behind the times. Our family was the last in the neighborhood to get a VCR and microwave. Heck, my grandmother still had a rotary phone in the late 1980s.

I covered my first two football games of the season. In each game, a running back went 50+ yards with no time left to run up the score. When I asked one of them why he did that, he said he "be want to beat 'em by more points." Sportsmanship anyone? I guess I'm glad he didn't pull out a Sharpie.

My Coke Rewards at 740. Still nothing good. I can tell that going through all of those Quick Chek garbage cans is going to be a waste of my time.

Stench.

Out of this RUT?

2006-09-04T00:31:00.000-04:00

I wasn't a pessimist until I went to college.

There were plenty of great things that happened in my life up until that point. I had a loving family and plenty of security. The New York Giants had given me two Super Bowl titles and even the Yankees had a bright spot in Don Mattingly, whose Hall of Fame pathway was derailed by back ailments. And no, I don't think he should be in the Hall.....but he was still my favorite player as a child.

But it was college that really brought me to my low point. Announcing games for the Rutgers radio station, I got to experience one of the most woeful four-year stretches anyone has witnessed in their collegiate career (and I'm not even going to touch 7 seasons without an NCAA for the men or women in hoops). Four losing football seasons....a 11-32-1 record. A winless senior year with two close games. There's nothing more exciting than traveling to West Virginia for a 48-0 wipeout and explaining how your summer vacation went as part of the second-half color commentary.

"Hmmm....I think I could start for this team."

OK...I don't want to get carried away here. I am only 5-foot-6 (in heels).

On Saturday, Rutgers football took a step in the right direction. By beating North Carolina 21-16 on the road, the Scarlet Knights posted their best win in at least a dozen years (maybe a 1994 17-12 toppling of West Virginia at home). In the past, they would have fumbled late or allowed the opposition to notch a game-tying or winning score in the fourth quarter. Not on Saturday. Rutgers managed to hold on and topple an ACC squad. For once, I can speak proudly of my alma mater. No more black cloud over the program. No more failing to convert a 4th an inches....no more 15 yard penalty for excessive celebration due to a Scarlet Knight horse on the field.....no more injuries wiping out an entire roster (is it possible to have an entire secondary decimated by "burners"?). I can tell people I proudly went to Rutgers!

(That is until they lose to Illinois next week)

Reader Alert: The following contains sentimental material!!!!! Read at your own risk!

AGASSI RETIRES

I just wanted to pay homage to one of the best tennis players I ever watched. As a kid, I wanted to be Andre Agassi. I bought his shoes.....I wanted to have his hair but my grandmother wouldn't have a Jewish boy with a mullet....or she called it a "shvife" (or something that sounded like that). It's ok....because 18 years later I think I finally DO have his hair.

When I saw him battle for victories in the first two rounds of the U.S. Open this year, it was almost like I was looking back at my childhood. My father used to take me to play tennis with him and his college tennis club every Sunday at a local indoor racquet club. I wasn't very good but he always did what he could to give me some time on the court. Wearing my flourescent green Agassi shoes, I would try to emulate my idol with a potent two-handed backhand that would make ALL the ladies go wild.

(Did I mention I hit about 30 balls on the next court, pissing off the women who were trying to play doubles? Oh they definitely went "wild")

Now, his career is finished and I couldn't help but understand how Agassi felt yesterday. There aren't many players left that my father, who passed away four years ago, knew who currently play on the tennis circuit. Now that Agassi is gone, you can cross another one off the list. I still have my love for the game and have Agassi to thank for being a joy to watch on the court. I wish him the best in retirement.

Not to get all sappy.....so I'll throw in a little joke to get your ready for football season....

There was a Packers fan with a really crappy seat at Lambeau.

Looking with his binoculars, he spotted an empty seat on the 50-yard line. Thinking to himself "what a waste" he made his way down to the empty seat.

When he arrived at the seat, he asked the man sitting next to it, "Is this seat taken?"

The man replied, "This was my wife's seat. She passed away. She was a big Packers fan."

The other man replied, "I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. May I ask why you didn't give the ticket to a friend or a relative?"

The man replied, "They're all at the funeral."

Wanted: Truth in athletics

2006-08-25T15:23:00.000-04:00

Can we trust ANYONE in sports anymore?

We're in the age of bigger everything...bigger arms....bigger homeruns.....bigger prices at the concession stand. $9 for a beer at Yankee Stadium? That must explain Joe Pendleton clearing out all the alcohol in the shed at Local Shill's engagement party.

(Still....we're all trying to focus on BIG and it makes me wonder why Jason BIGGS can't find any good work lately though...did anyone even SEE Jersey Girl?)

The recent focus has come on a track star and bicyclist. Justin Gatlin has NO idea how illegal substances got into his system. NO IDEA??? Do you think someone from the rival Canadians slipped it in your salad? Are you using "Roid Rage" Condoms?

Floyd Landis is no better. The guy FAILED his drug test....TWICE and still is denying it. Come on Floyd. Just live up to it and move on with your life. But before you do, can you discount the shipping on this for me, buddy? Thanks.

One set a world record in the 100 meter dash and the other was more impressive in the Tour de France's 17th stage than E.T. was on a bicycle.

We're living in an era where cheating seems to be the IN thing. And this doesn't just hold true in sports. Many of us aren't innocent either. People cheat on their taxes....they lie on tests.....they steal from merchants to get an extra item.....they cut courses in high school cross country meets and even when you tell the officials about it they says there's nothing they can do because no one else saw it and you really wanted that spot because it made a difference in whether or not your name made the local paper in the 15-50 loss or not....

I think you get the point.

When we look at the athletes who are lying to us, it makes you wonder if other's are cheating us in the real world. Did I really just get 20 gallons of gas for the right price of $2.79? Is the mailman reading my mail? Did the guy who cuts my hair charge me more than the previous customer? And why am I going to a hair salon in the first place?

I guess it's something you can't put too much thought into because then we'll be worry about EVERYTHING out there.

As for Mr. Landis, I enjoyed this old article....here's my favorite line...

"We've always been interested in Floyd, he's a damn good rider," Armstrong said

No crap. NASA wants to sign him too. They need someone to manually bring their next shuttle to Uranus. There we go...another Uranus reference. How old am I again? 12?

And in closing....all of a sudden, Pluto doesn't really matter much.

I received this link from my ol' pal JBechtmd.

I guess that explains Sandman's most recent problems. Looks like the doctor won't be able to help you with that, sir. HEY NOW!